Make Me Feel Alive

This is why I needed friends, I thought, sitting on my couch in such old pajamas they were threadbare. I tossed a piece of popcorn in my mouth as I watched TV shows on my laptop. I'd had to cut off my Netflix, and then I realized I didn't need it, I could literally Google everything I ever wanted to watch.
And if I had friends then I wouldn't be watching free TV shows with them instead of Toby burying his face in my popcorn bowl.
Cat germs hadn't frightened me away yet.
"Don't eat the wires," I muttered, tugging on his collar as he tried to gnaw on my charger. He sent me a hateful look, so I tossed him a piece of popcorn.
"Who is it?" I called as someone knocked on the door.
"Guess who?"
I smiled, and crawled to my feet. I pulled open the door, and Trevor smiled at me apologetically, holding up a bag of take out. "I'm sorry about the other night. I brought Chinese."
"This is why you're amazing," I took a few steps back to let him in. He carried in the food, and sat in on the counter. I followed, helping him unpack.
"Okay, so, I aced my test." he said as he handed me a plate.
"Awesome! I knew you would. You're almost done," I said brightly, sitting down on the couch and nudging Toby to the floor. "You don't have long left until you're a certified doctor."
"I know, it's great," he propped his feet on the coffee table, and I twisted to look at him, cross legged.
Trevor kept his brown-blonde hair short, but it had been long and curly when we'd met. He had the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen, and his smile was always bright and kind, which is what had drawn me to him in the first place. Maybe he wasn't the most reliable person with dates and times, and calling a heads up, but I wasn't one to hold grudges.
At least not for very long.
"So, how's the music industry? Is that degree in music theory doing you any good?"
"It helped me get the job didn't it? And it's really fun working with all the different artists! Like the other day ---."
"Oh, hold on," Trevor fished his phone from his pocket. "I have clinicals and I'm on call." He checked his texts. "Oh, false alarm. It's just from Harrison wanting to chill this Saturday."
"Oh. Well, I guess he needs to get in line then. This is the first time I've seen you in two weeks."
"Yeah, I know, babe, I've been busy." He finally sat his phone down after a few more minutes. "im still sorry about the other day, i didnt mean to bail but I had to study for my test. And Toby is eating your noodles."
"What --- Toby!" I flailed at him with my chopsticks. Toby glared at me and jumped down, taking off behind the couch with noodles in his mouth.
"Why do you even have that cat, Morgan? He's a terror," Trevor scowled after him. "And very unsanitary. Don't eat any of that," he took away my plate and sat it down, and I watched it go with disappointment. He had no idea how long it had been since I could eat Chinese food without crying at the tab.
"Here," he halfed what was left of his noodles on his plate with me. "Don't have such a face, I know it's your favorite. I won't let you starve, babe."
At least one of us wouldn't let me.
"So, what were you watching?"
"Oh! It's called The 100. It's like 90 years since some kind of nuclear war or whatever, and so there's this space station of survivors, right? Well, they wanna see if the earth is habitable again because their station is dying and they ---."
"Morgan, you know I'm not into all the sci-fi stuff." he interrupted me.
"Yeah, I know, but it's not like that. It's---."
"Why don't we watch something more normal?"
I frowned at him. "Why don't you stop interrupting me every five seconds?"
He hesitated, my tone catching him by surprise, and then turned to look at me apologetically. "Sorry. I'm being an ass, arent I?"
"Yes, you are."
"I'm sorry, really. I meant for us to have a good time and I'm messing it up. Look, I know I've not been around a lot, and I wanna make it up to you. How about dinner Saturday at Peroni's? That's your favorite right?"
"You're not gonna hang out with Harrison instead?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Because last time you ---."
"Let's not talk about last time, Morgan," he said, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. He let his fingers linger on my cheek, but I pulled away resentfully.
He'd completely ditched me for his friends last time we started out to eat, and I wasn't over it.
He made me feel like he was embarrassed of me sometimes.
"Don't be that way."
"Why not?" I asked petulantly. "I swear, Trevor, it's like you don't even care half the time!" I got to my feet, annoyed. "Did you only come over tonight so you wouldn't have to drive all the way home?"
"No, of course not!" he rose to his feet. "I came to see you. I could have just drove straight home, but I thought I would stop by and see you instead."
I frowned at him, uncertain.
"Morgan, come on," he slipped his fingers between mine. "Don't be like this. We have a good thing, don't we?"
I thought we did in the beginning.
"Maybe," I answered.
"Then chill. Once my exams are over, I'll be able to be around a whole lot more, then things will go back to normal, okay?"
I glanced at him. "Okay."
"Good," he sent me a smile, and then leaned over to kiss me. "So we're not gonna fight?"
I forced myself not to snap at him. I wanted to fight, to get some reaction out of him other then exasperation.
"I don't want to fight," I pulled away from him. "But I'm tired, I have an early morning tomorrow."
"Okay," he nodded, suddenly jerking away from me as if I'd scalded him. "I get it. I'm a jackass and you don't want me here."
"Trevor, that's ---."
"No, it's fine," he shook his head, grabbing his phone and tossing his plate into the trash angrily. "I finally get to see you and you don't wanna see me."
"Trevor, stop it! You're being ---."
"Ridiculous? No. You're being rude, Morgan. Do you know how busy my schedule is?" he demanded, whirling on me. "I barely make time to sleep these days! you should be a lot happier to see me then this!"
"But I AM happy to see you!"
"You're not acting like it."
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be that way," I said hastily; I didn't want him upset with me. "Please don't leave."
Trevor eyed me a moment, then let his breath go.
"You don't have to go," I said, taking a few steps closer. "Really. You can stay the night if you want," I offered, twisting my shirt between my fingers anxiously. "I'm sorry."
Trevor relaxed slightly, then shook his head. "I don't wanna fight with you, babe." he walked over to me. He rubbed my arms, and pressed a kiss against my nose. "You know I don't."
"I know," I sighed.
He sent me one of his bright smiles, and gave me another quick kiss. "I'll make all this up to you Saturday, I promise," he told me, brushing my messy hair over my shoulder. "We'll make a whole night of it, my treat."
I cast my eyes up to his. "The whole night?"
"Yep. All about us," he let his fingers lock behind my back. "We need some actual quality time together away from our apartments."
"A date night." I said dryly. "Like we used to."
"Yeah." he pulled me closer. "Like old times."
Well, that would be fun. On our first date we'd actually gone to the carnival, and he'd won me a stuffed animal. I still had the ticket stubs.
He pressed a kiss against my ear, and I withheld my sigh as he worked his way down to my throat.
I really wasn't in the mood, but there was no point in having another argument.

Notes