Come Back Here

I called my mom to let her know that I would be staying at a friend's house all weekend, but I didn't say which one. She was just glad I wouldn't be home, because truth be told, she preferred me not to be when he was home. Don't get me wrong, my mother loves me, it's just a way of protecting me.

"So it's settled, I'll anonymously submit the evidence, badabing badaboom, he goes to jail." Renae settled our discussion.

"It's not that simple, though, Ree."

"Cel, it'll be enough to start an investigation. If you need to, you can stay here so your safe; and so can your mom."

I sighed, "Fine." I wasn't fine with it. I knew where this road led, and it wasn't bright. I don't know how to describe it, but it's as if my sixth sense is telling me not to do it, because the outcome isn't going to be what I want. I want the beatings to stop, but I don't think they will with a few pictures admitted to the police.

"Here, come on, Cel, let's just make a blanket fort and watch movies, will that make it better?" Gerard suggested.

"No, but it'll distract me and make me feel better." I replied.

"Isn't that what I asked?" Gerard said confused.

"No, you asked if it would make it better, not if it would make me feel better."

"Whatever, Cel, just pick a flipping movie." He said, tossing me the remote to the TV in Renae's room.

I rummaged through the collection brought into Renae's room last night and begin searching for something. Renae owned a broad range of movies, from romance to action, and horror to based on true stories. I felt like watching a chick flick, so I grabbed Mean Girls and popped it into the player and turned on the TV.

When I turned around, Renae, Andy, and Gerard were constructing a blanket fort on the bed. I took it upon myself to run straight for the bed, diving on it while they were fluffing a blanket. I laughed, but internally groaned. Why did I do that? Landed right on my damn bruises.

I guess since I was immobile for a few seconds, as revenge, without a word, they began wrapping me up into a blanket burrito. I screeched as they began to started rolling me towards the end of the bed. Just as I thought they'd roll me off, Andy jumped over to the side of me and laid down, facing me.

I laughed, "You're a dork!"

He smiled, and that familiar feeling from last night came rushing over me. His smile made me feel warm, as if he was illuminating light. I just smiled back at him, staring into his eyes, feeling completely content, as if everything else had dissipated. Nothing else was on my mind.

"Move over love birds." Renae broke my train of thought.

"I could say the same about you and Gerard." I interjected.

"Hey, at least I didn't sing to a certain person until they fell asleep." Renae countered, crawling onto the bed as Andy scooted closer to me.

I looked at her, "You heard?" I asked, horrified.

She nodded, "I heard everything."

I buried my face into the pillows, blushing profusely. Nothing like your best friend over-hearing your conversation with your crush. Granted, she would have heard about it from me later on, but there was something about her actually hearing it while it happened that embarrassed the shit out of me.

"Cel, what the fuck did you put on?" Gerard asked, receiving an evil laugh in return.

"It's called a movie." Renae countered, but I wasn't paying too much attention to her, I was cuddling into Andy's side.

It would be an understatement to say that my heart was racing as Andy wrapped his arms around me. In return, I laid my head on his chest, hearing his heart beating, quite fast might I add. I guess I'm not the only one that gets this way around him.

***

After watching Mean Girls, we settled on getting clean, and getting dressed. Gerard kept clothes at Renae's, and was fortunate enough to let Andy borrow something. Damn does Andy have a sense of style. He wore his black denim jeans again, a Misfits tee that Gee loaned him, and by God it was sexy. It may not have been much, but his tattoo seemed to pull it all together, and that shaking in my knees from the first day I saw him returned. Something about Andy in general just gives me this weak feeling, but at the same time, it makes me feel right.

I borrowed something of Renae's, nothing too special, just a grey sweatshirt and some black jeans. I took one look in the mirror after taking a quick shower and instantly looked away. How could anyone bear to look at me? My face was horrendous without makeup on it. The purple bruises that lined my body weren't showing signs of disappearing anytime soon, and my black eye was even worse. I tried to conceal it, but I had no makeup to even begin that feat. I would have to deal with it, and so would everyone else that looked at my face.

I hesitated leaving the bathroom, I didn't want Renae, or Gerard, or even Andy to see me like this. They saw the girl with makeup covering up the damage, not the actual beaten and bruised figure. Sure, Renae saw the other bruises, but I didn't want Andy to have to see this.

I tried hiding behind my hair, just like always, and went back into Renae's room. Gerard had ordered us Chinese, seeing that we had no intention of leaving this room unless needed. I pulled at the sweater as I sat across from the guys who were in the process of devouring their kung poa and chow mein.

Renae's gaze found mine and she looked away as soon as she could to prevent staring. I knew it pained her to see me in this situation. We already had to deal with this shit at school, and having to go home and deal with it agonizingly was no way to live life.

I tried hiding behind my hair as I shoveled food into my starving body. I haven't fully eaten a proper meal for a while, I've just been snacking. It's a habit I tend to do, and is in no way healthy, but I haven't had the best of luck breaking it.

Anyways, as I tried concealing my bruises behind a purple waterfall, Andy noticed.

Sweeping the hair out of my face, he gave me a sad look, "Don't hide, please."

Okay, that is not what I exactly expected. I figured he wouldn't comment, and give me a sad look, as if sympathizing with me for my broken body. I guess I kind of liked that he asked me not to hide, as if he still thought my face was worth looking at with the marks ten times more visible today.

After a few seconds, Gerard commented, "Andy, that's kind of her nature..."

"Well, things as beautiful as Celeste shouldn't try to hide."

He just fucking said I was beautiful, nope, that can't be possible in this state.

"I'm really not." I shyly added.

"Well I think you are."

My breath hitched in my throat at his response. He leaned into me and kissed my cheek tenderly. Okay, that was fucking adorable.

***

Later on, after a few more movies, we settled on playing a game of Way Style Truth or Dare. I know what you're thinking--you're complete idiots for doing that again!--but I assure you, it was all in good intentions that this happened. The game can become quite comical, and honestly, it sounds like fun.

Gerard was game maker again, because his little test was of course, nonexistent so we just eliminated everyone else, because dammit Gerard likes to be game maker. To fit our current predicament, we stayed inside Renae's room at all times. Her parents trust her enough to let us be alone in here, which I'm grateful for, seeing that I'd rather them not see me in this state. In the past they have seen me with a few bruises or scrapes, but never to this extreme. Knowing Renae's parents, they would murder him.

Anyways, Gerard stood in front of the room, next to the TV, I sat with my back against the wall on the bed while Renae sprawled out across my legs, and Andy sat relatively close to me. Gerard had to make new slips of paper and put them into one of Renae's beanies. We had some Sleeping With Sirens playing, and it felt like old times, as if we weren't doing this to divert my morbidity away.

Renae was the first to go, with a truth asked by yours truly.

"Tell me what you really think of Gerard."

Without hesitation she answered, "He's a dork, but he's my dork."

"Awww, thanks, Ree." Gerard said. Renae blew him a kiss.

I was the next to go, and I too, received a truth, but was asked by Andy.

Andy looked down at me, "Do you have any other piercings?" He swept my hair behind my ear to reveal my tragus piercing. I was stunned, I didn't think he noticed it, because honestly, not many people do, my hair covers it up.

"Nope, just the tragus."

Next was Andy's turn, which unsurprisingly, he received a dare. I have this feeling that Gerard rigged the game, and it wouldn't be all too surprising. He has a tendency of rigging the game to make it more interesting.

Gerard chose Renae to give the dare. Renae eyed Andy with a mischievous grin. Soon her eyes darted to me and I knew instantly what she was planning. Don't do it Renae! Don't!

"Make out with Celeste for a solid five minutes." Too late.

What is it, that makes these two think they should forcefully be making Andy and I kiss, and in my case, get turned on? Really guys? Not that I don't mind kissing Andy, it's just that this is the second time it's forced on us based upon a dare. Granted, either of us can back out, but deep down, I don't want either of us to.

Gerard was chuckling as he retrieved his phone from his pocket, clearly setting up a timer. I gazed into Andy's intoxicatingly delicious eyes, nervous as fuck. We haven't done anything like this. A few kisses here and there are one thing, but if we're going to be making out, that's an entire different situation.

Without a word, he asked me for permission. I slightly nodded my head. As his hands cupped my face, I felt at ease; I could melt like butter in his hands. I thought I was going to shake, but surprisingly, I kept it under control. No one said a word, or if they did, my mind didn't register it. I was too focused on Andy, and I couldn't think about anything other than the fact that holy shit is this happening?

I didn't think, until his lips met mine and I felt something explode inside me, sending off a bubbly feeling of fireworks as I melted into him. My fingers found their way into his long black hair, intertwining in the softness that I envied. He brushed the pad of his thumb across my cheek in circles, gently, and before I could register it, his other hand was at my waist, pulling me toward him, which I complied to immediately.

Our lips started to move and it felt like this should be wrong, but it was so right. I couldn't explain it, but it was this sense of doing something so wrong but felt so right that drove me to believe that even if Renae hadn't dared us to do this, I could have found the familiarity of his lips colliding with mine soon enough. I could have sworn in those few minutes that I knew everything about him, and I loved every aspect that encased around me.

When it unfortunately ended, I was left craving for more. I was in a haze and all I could do was thinking about how utterly amazing it had been. Never in my life have I been kissed like that--with such passion.

I could still feel his warm lips against mine, and cool feeling of his piercings. My heart hammered against my chest, and it took me a moment to collect myself. Even then, though, it was nearly impossible to think straight.

***

The time came that at midnight; we decided to go to sleep. Well, Renae and Gerard were passed out on the bed, cuddling, and Andy and I were the only ones left awake. I was never more grateful for my best friend's slumber until this moment. I wanted, no, needed, to talk to Andy about that little mini make out session.

We were standing on Renae's balcony, and I decided to give smoking another go. I lit the cigarette Andy handed to me, and a thought crossed my mind, how does he buy them? Either he has a supplier, or he has a fake ID. He's a junior, and I know he's seventeen, so legally he can't purchase them, but as I thought more in depth about it, I wondered why the hell it concerns me in the first place.

I took a puff of the cigarette, and this time, it wasn't as hard. Andy did the same before looking me straight in the eyes.

"We should talk." He suggested, and I couldn't agree more. I nodded in approval, not knowing what to say, so instead he kept speaking. "I think it's clear that I like you...a lot..." He was blushing and by God it made my insides melt a little.

I didn't really realize it, but I figured I was blushing. The cool night air ran across my face, offering it a sense of relief from the heat that had radiated into my cheeks. Just as always, I was slightly hiding my face behind the purple that is my hair.

"Don't do that." Andy stated, his deep voice breaking my train of thought.

I looked at him confused, but I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about. "Do what?" I shyly asked, barely audible.

"Hide, be all shy. I don't want you to think you have to hide from me."

"I don't feel I have to hide from you." I replied blushing, because truthfully, I tend to hide from the world.

"Then why do you always do it?" He asked calmly.

I looked away, "I have my reasons."

"...Like...?"

"You try being called the things I've been and tell me you're not self conscious."

Pain welled into his eyes and I instantly regretted telling him. I don't want him to be upset about my insecurities. Just thinking about him in pain was causing me discomfort and physical pain myself.

“You’re still beautiful, Cel.”

“Have you seen my face recently?”

“Yes, I have, and it’s still as beautiful as it was the day I met you. A few bruises and a black eye doesn’t make you any less aesthetic.”

I snapped back at him, “You try living with them. Living with the goddamn abuse where ever you go.”

“I get that, but I’m trying to tell you, I don’t give a shit what you think of yourself or what others do because I see a beautiful, courageous girl that I have deep feelings for after only knowing her for a short period of time.” He retorted.

I finished my cigarette and crushed it against the railing. I know he means well, but can’t he see that I obviously don’t see what he does? He hardly knows me, he knows nothing about the hideous things I’ve endured, and how I can’t come to terms with why it’s happened to me.

A moment passed and the tension was growing. I didn’t know if I’d be able to bear it, I did not want to fight with Andy; I just simply could not handle that. As much as I wanted to tell him off, I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to have him be the victim that my anger is lashed out on. He didn’t do anything wrong, not really, it’s just my damn anger that’s been building up at the man that is suppose to biologically love me, and can’t seem to even go a day without making me feel like a complete waste of space.

I tugged at the sweater, suddenly cold. It was as if the heat drained from my body.

Andy put out his cigarette and grabbed my face. I thought he was going to kiss me, truthfully. His face was centimeters from mine and I couldn’t control the familiar hitched breath that came with being around Andy. I closed my eyes, breathing in his sent. Instead of kissing me, though, he placed feather-like kisses on my black eye and the red mark on my face.

He pulled me into his chest, and I lost it, I started crying. He buried his face into my neck and breathed in, before whispering, “Don’t ever think that you’re not beautiful.”

Notes