Come Back Here

Falling down, down, down. Falling...falling. Until I reach the end of the stairs, then I stop falling. My body aches like a motherfucker, and I know I'll have bruises by the end of the night. I can't help it, it's not my fault, no matter how much he says it is.

I don't move, out of fear and pain. I could say no, I could tell him to stop, but I can't. I can't simply because I'm weak, physically anyways.

"Celeste!" My mother's voice called out to me after I don't know how long of laying their. He didn't follow me, that's good. I just don't understand why. What did I fucking do to deserve this? I'm fucking sixteen, a teenager, and he has the audacity to treat me this way?

"Celeste, honey, come here." Her voice was gentle, but shaky. She's scared, understandable, because so am I.

I didn't prevent her from helping me off the ground, but I would've preferred staying there. I think if I wallowed in my pain and thought about it, maybe I'd understand. But I never will. There's never an explanation when he does it, he just does it, selfishly, does it. I've become his greatest regret, and I've known for years, I can just see it in his eyes every damn time it happens.

"Let's get you washed up, sweetie." My mother holds my weight against her, although, I know she probably can't fully support my weight, because after all, I am taller than her, hence weighing more, but I can't do anything but surrender to it. I just need to rest, rest for ten years and see what happens.

She carries me to the bathroom, setting me on the closed toilet seat. I don't look at her, I don't know how to. I don't watch as she grabs a towel and runs it under water, wringing it out before beginning to clean my cut lip, I merely listen. I sit there, distant as she wipes my whole face clean before going to grab an ice pack for my black eye.

Neither of us say a word when I take the ice pack and put it on my eye, before I lock myself in the bathroom to take a quick shower. I set the ice pack down when I draw the curtain and start the water, letting it heat up. I take one look in the mirror, my gaze catching the broken and cracked parts in the upper right hand corner. I sigh, knowing I'll have to wear makeup tomorrow, and a lot of it. I glance one last time before I start pealing off the sweaty layers of my clothing.

When I step into the shower, I wish I could stay there, that I could live the rest of my life in the shower, in those few minutes where everything is okay. Of course, though, I can't, because life doesn't work that way. It always moves forward, and all good things have to come to an end. I wish for a second that everything would end; the universe, this shitty chapter of my life, every goddamn thing. I'm so sick of it all, and I don't know why I put up with it.

***

When at school, I'm glad I have long purple hair; it shields my face well. I may have put on concealer and foundation to mask the black eye and conceal the red mark across my face, but it can only do so much. I tried paying attention in Chem Com, but with ensuring my face was well concealed, I missed pieces of the old man's lecture.

I walked into Brit Lit and took my seat next to Gerard. The moment I sat down though, began the long dreaded day I had hoped to avoid.

"Celeste, what's that?" Gerard asked, trying to move my hair out of my face, but I caught his arm just it time before he could do anything. He knew what it was, it wasn't the first time. "Celeste, look at me." He said sternly.

I glanced his way, my face still hidden behind a waterfall of purple.

"You need to do something."

"You don't think I know that, Gee? What can I fucking do? Huh? I've tried, and it ends with more of these." I whispered shouted at him, pointing to my black eye.

I let go of his arm, but he grabbed my wrist, "I'm serious, Celeste. We're showing Renae at lunch."

"We're not doing anything, because she doesn't need to know." I quietly seethed.

"She's gonna see it, Cel." And just like that, the conversation was over with a glance. Or at least for now, I could tell by the look in his eyes that this wasn't fully over. The only reason he wouldn't say anything more is because we're in class and surrounded by people.

I diverted my attention solely on "Hamlet." We were at Act III, and had to finish the play over the weekend. Truth be told, I would probably just Spark Notes the rest, just to understand what the hell is going on. I could grasp it at first, but after so much of constantly having to translate, it gets to be a chore. Either I would Spark Notes it, or ask Renae, because she's always had luck reading Shakespeare.

The ninety minute block flew by as I read all of Act III and was actually in the middle of Act IV, maybe I wouldn't have to Spark Notes this bitch.

I packed up my stuff and Gerard stood, waiting for me, silently. I could tell he was boiling with rage. Every time it happens he is. Gerard and I are really close, and he's been there for me through a lot. Not that Renae hasn't, but Gerard stuck by my side when Renae and I had our low points in our friendship. I don't know what I would do without him, he's been like my protector for three years.

We arrived at Renae's locker, where her and Andy were laughing about something. But that soon stopped when Renae saw my face, and her smile dropped to a dead serious look that said she was about to rip someone's head off. She didn't comment though, instead we walked to the cafeteria with Andy probably wondering what the fuck was going on, why we weren't talking, and why Gerard and Renae seemed to be fuming.

We all plopped in the seats we were in yesterday, with Renae next to me, and Gee and Andy across from us.

"What happened?" She asked, moving my hair out of the way.

I quickly grabbed my hair from her clutches and let it fall back over my eye, so no one--especially Andy--would see it. "It's nothing, I'm fine."

"Fine my ass. Celeste, did he do it again?" Rhetorical question, she already knew. My silence just confirmed it. She did a sharp intake of air, "That's it, I'm calling the police this time."

My eyes widened in fear and I snapped up, "No! You can't! It'll just make him more angry!"

"Celeste, for the love of God, look at you! You have a black eye, a cut lip, and a slash across your face that you did a horrible job of covering up! It has to stop!"

"It will! I promise, he'll stop sooner or later...just please." I pleaded. If she gets authorities involved, it'll just get worse. There isn't much evidence, other than my testimony, and occasionally my mothers. Well, I guess Gee and Renae could make statements too, but that's the thing, they never believe minors.

"Are you defending him?" Renae asked both shocked and pissed off.

"No! It's just--I don't know!"

I clutched my head and curled up in my seat, breathing heavily. I was probably going to have a panic attack. God, not here, not now, please no no no please no.

Renae took hold of me, cradling me, "It's going to be okay, Cel. You can't keep taking it anymore. What does your mom say?"

I stayed silent. My mother doesn't say anything, she just picks me up when it's over. She helps me with the after effect.

"You know what, fuck it, we're all leaving now. I'm calling my mom, telling her to pull us all out and we're going over to my house." Renae said. Her mother has high connections in the system, both governmental and school wise. She's the super attendants secretary, and her husband is head of the Chamber here in town. Basically, they both have immense persuasion when it comes to anything involving what to do with the town and school.

"Gee, grab my phone, dial my mom's number."

I would have began to cry, if it had not been for the oncoming panic attack.

"Yes, hello, Mrs. Anderson, this is Gerard... Renae needs to ask you something..." He handed the phone over to Renae.

"Mom, you need to pull me, Gerard, Celeste, and Andy--" she held the phone down for a minute, "What's your last name?"

"Biersack." Andy replied.

"Andy Biersack, all out of classes for the rest of the day. It's very important, I'll explain later, but wee need to-- Yes, Mom, I understand that-- Thank you. We'll be at the house." Renae finished the conversation, hanging up. It would take a total of five minutes before we would have an all-clear to leave.

"Who the hell is your mother, and what power does she behold?" Andy asked.

"She works for the super attendant. Don't worry, we won't be counted as skipping, my mom'll come up with something to get us all out of class. This is very rare, so enjoy it."

Renae stroked my hair as we waited for our names to be called over the intercom. We would have to report to the attendance office and all sign out--although, we'd first have to stand there and hear what we're being pulled out for. Slowly, but surely, Renae let for of me so we could get out of our seats and grab our stuff.

She grabbed a hold of me again as our names were said loud and clear over the intercom.

"Renae Anderson, Andy Biersack, Celeste Rose, and Gerard Way--all please report to the attendance office." It was always in alphabetical order.

We made our way to the office, stepping in one by one, Renae still holding onto me.

The lady looked up from the computer, "Renae, Andy, Celeste, and Gerard, right?" She asked. We all nodded. "You're excused from third and fourth block to, and I quote, 'Renae's uncle's funeral in Richmond--Celeste, Gerard, and Andy are family friends.'" She gave us a fishy look as we signed out. I have to admit, Mrs. Anderson did come up with an interesting reason to pull us all out. They won't question it, though, because Mrs. Anderson has the power to have fire anyone in this building.

It didn't take long for us to walk to Gerard's car and hop in, before speeding off to Renae's house. I couldn't believe this was happening. Renae has never gone this far, but I guess it's a good thing. I'd rather not be at school were bystanders can see my rugged face.

Gerard put in A Flair for the Dramatic in honor of me.Not a word was said as Gerard maneuvered around town, taking the oh-so-familiar rout to Renae's house that he could do in his sleep. Lyrics flowed through my head as I sat curled over in the corner of the vehicle. I saw out of the corner of my eye that Andy kept glancing at me, looking conflicted. It seemed he didn't know whether to speak or stay quiet, whether to try to comfort me or stay put. I was content with where I was at, but I wouldn't have minded if he tried. He didn't though, and we arrived at Renae's in minutes.

We went straight to Renae's massive room, and she closed the door behind us. Everyone threw their stuff in the corner, following suit to Renae's habit. Gerard went straight to the king sized bed and sat on it, Andy following his lead. Renae Sat me directly in the middle and sat across from me on the fluffy mattress.

She looked at me for a solid minute before saying, "Gee, go get all the blankets from the hallway closet, and Andy, could you grab us snacks from the kitchen? We're going to be here for a while. Oh, Gee, how about you help Andy out, he doesn't know my house well, he'll get lost. Also, grab as many CDs and movies as you can from the loft. Thanks." She spilled orders out of her mouth, and the guys didn't second question anything. Soon, it was just Renae and I.

"Show me your arm." She said.

"Renae, I haven't--"

"Dammit, Celeste, show me your goddamn arms."

I rolled my long sleeves up, revealing the dark, purplish blue bruises that decorated them. I realize now she wasn't asking to see if I did anything to myself, she wants to see the extent of the damage.

She sighed before looking me straight in the eyes. "We need to take pictures of these, you know that, right?"

"Ree, we're not going to--"

She quickly cut me off, knowing exactly what I was about to say, "We're are fucking going to the police this time, Cel. You can't let him keep doing this to you, it isn't healthy, nor right. Now, lift your shirt up."

I raised the grey fabric above my ribcage to reveal even more bruises. It actually burned to even move the fabric out of the way. How had I made it through most of the day like this? Then again, how did I ever?

Notes