together we will be unbroken

When I wake up it's still dark out. Ashley has his arms wrapped tightly around me, and it feels so nice. I could definitely get used to this. No stop it Laci! You can't get involved in another relationship, all of this stuff means nothing. Especially to him.

I sigh, shimmy out of his arms, and go start the shower. I smile at the memories from last night, but then I remember my dream and the smile immediately leave my face. I hug myself and sink to the floor. Why did that have to happen? I've been so happy lately. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy...
"God you wake up early. Hey why are you on the floor?" Ashley's face peeks in from the other side of the shower curtain.
"I ugh..." What can I say?

He steps in, pulls me to my feet, and pulls me into a hug. "Are you thinking about that dream you had?"

Shit he knows. "I screamed didn't I?"

"Yeah, it must have been a pretty bad dream huh?" I nod. "Wanna talk about it?" Should I? What if he doesn't like me after I do? Can I trust him? "You don't have to if you don't want to, but I want to help you so it would be nice to know." Why would he want to help me what does he have to gain? Maybe he doesn't want to gain anything Lace. Maybe he really does want to help you.

I take a deep breath. "It's a long story..."

"Well I'll be here all day." He looks at me with those warm, brown eyes. How can I say no?

"Okay. So when I was fifteen, I met a boy. He was about four years older than me. I of course was head over heals in love with him. I mean who wouldn't be? A college boy liking little me? I was over the moon." I smile at memory of how happy I was. "The first few months of the relationship were great. He was kind, and caring, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. But then one day he came over really angry, and he started yelling at me, and then he hit me and went home. Normally if someone hit me I would hit back but I was to shocked and confused to do anything.


After that, I became his punching bag. Every time he got mad he would take it out on me, and if I fought back it made it worse. He put me in the hospital a few times too."

"Wait did your parents know?" I'm not talking about my parents today.

"I gave them excuses like, I slipped, or I got in a fight at school. But most of the time I just covered up the bruises with make-up." His arms tense up.

"Why didn't you tell them what was going on?"

"Because as horrible as it sounds, I loved him. Or at least I thought I did. And he wasn't always like that. When he wasn't angry he was a great boyfriend. We would go on dates and do stuff that couples do."

"But...."

He know there was a but? "But every time he snapped it hurt so much more. I felt betrayed."

"How long were you together?"

"Two years." I look at the floor.

"Two years? You put up with that crap for two years?" There is an edge to his voice. It makes me cringe. "Sorry I didn't mean to yell."

"It's okay."

"Laci can I ask you something?"

"Sure anything." The phrase can I ask you something always puts me on edge.

"Have you ever self harmed?" I drop my head, and close my eyes. "Oh Laci..." He hugs me tighter. "Here, let's get out of here and we'll talk some more okay?" I nod and turn off the water.

When we dry off and get dressed we sit on the bed. My head is on his shoulder and he has an arm wrapped around me. "From you're reaction I'd say you are still doing it aren't you?" I nod. "How long have you done it?" his voice is gentle.

"Four years." I say softly.

He swallow, and takes a deep breath. "When was the last time you did it?"

"Two weeks before we left." I can't cry. I've cried to much and I'm numb.

"Can you tell me why?" He is rubbing his thumb up and down my arm.

"Aiden, the guy I was talking about, some how got my number, and called me after I tweeted that I was going on tour. He said that he would see me in Cincinnati. I was so scared, and the only way to calm down was to... to.. to do that." I remember the day and that feeling comes back, but I push it away.

"I promise you that you will never have to see him again."

"Thanks." I sigh. He kisses the top of my head. The clock reads 8:37. I wonder if there is a guitar center around here. I need to stop thinking about all of this stuff. "Hey do you know if there is a guitar center here? I want to see if they have some wires that I can use for Andy's mic."

"Here, I'll google it." he grabs his phone off of the nightstand. "Yupp. Do you want me to come with you? We can get some breakfast while we're out."

"Yeah sure." I nod. He gives me a gentle smile, and takes my hand. What's with this whole boyfriendy thing?

Notes