My Saving Grace

Four months, it has been four months since that day. A lot has happened in those last few months, but I can't say seeing Andy is one of them. The day he walked away was the last time I saw him.

Later that day, a therapist came. I was given the option to go into rehab for a while, or see a therapist twice a week. I chose the therapist. I've seen her twice a week ever since. The voice finally went away after I started taking medicine, I guess I was just going crazy. Turning against myself, something I do often.

Callie and I started to see each other less and less. We drifted apart and soon we stopped talking all together. But Amy became my best friend. It's like we were joined at the hip after my failed suicide attempt. She doesn't talk about Andy that much because she knows how I feel. I try to forget about him, but it's not that easy. The times I ask about him, she tells me he's doing good with music and he spends a lot of his time at the studio. I smile when she tells me how good he's doing, my internal screams and cries left unheard. It breaks my heart knowing he moved on so easily.

Brandon stopped his relationship with Callie and became more attached to me. The first three weeks after I tried to kill myself he never kept his eyes off of me. He didn't trust me, I didn't blame him. I didn't trust myself. I still don't.

Somehow, word got around in school that I attempted to kill myself. Natalie stopped bullying me after that. She even apologized, she said that that she didn't think that I would actually go through with it and she didn't know how much of an affect she had on me. Little does she know, she wasn't the reason I tried to kill myself the second time. After that, everybody wanted to feel sorry for me. Wanted to acknowledge what was happening to me. Everybody knew what was happening before that, but they followed their leader, decided to do something after tragedy struck. But, that's okay, I didn't need them before, I don't need them now.

"Do you still love him?" Mrs. Phillips' voice brings me out of my thoughts. "What?" I ask. "Do you still love him?" She repeats her question. I squirm in my seat, thinking about the question. "You've been avoiding this question for quite some time now, you're going to have to talk about it eventually. Do you still love him?" I bite my lip and sigh.

"Of course I do. How could I not? He was the one to show me that love does exist. He was the one who showed me exactly why I don't want to love." I whisper, tears prickling my eyes. "Are you afraid to love because of what happened to your mother?" She asks. I nod, looking down at the blue carpet. "Ok, what did he do? To show you why you shouldn't love..." I rub the back of my neck nervously, I don't like talking about this. It makes me think of him, something that hurts so bad doing.

"He gave up, on us. I felt so, so foolish..." I whisper, a tear falling from my eye. "Why did you feel foolish for something he did?" She asks, confusion clearly in her voice. "Because I fell in love with a total stranger. I didn't even know him after I lost my memory, but he affected me so much. He mad me do something I promised myself I would never do.""And what is that?"

"Love." I barley whisper, glancing up at her. She nods and sits up. "I think.." She clears her throat. "I think that's enough for today." She says. I nod, wiping my eyes. I stand up and she leads me out of her office and to the elevator. "Well, I'll see you next week. If anythings bothering you just give me a call and we can talk about it. Okay?" She asks. I fake a smile and nod. Once the elevator doors close the tears stream down my face.

I miss him so much, I can't keep ignoring it. All that it's doing is killing me. I sob into my hands, smearing my eyeliner. The elevator doors open and I instantly wipe at my eyes. I quickly walk to the main office, getting strange looks from everybody. I ignore and push the glass doors open. I breath in the fresh air. I hug my arms as I walk out into the parking lot. I sigh as I spot Brandon's car and walk over to it. I get in and slam the door shut.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his face filled with concern. I sniffle and nod. He starts the engine and drives out of the parking lot. "Hey Brandon?" "Mhm?" "Can you drive me to Amy's house?" I ask, looking at the flashing scenery through the window. "But, Andy isn't on tour anymore. He's going to be there." He says. "I know." I say. "Are you sure you want to do that?" He asks. "Yes." I say.

He pulls up to the side and turns the engine off. "Wait here, it will only be a minute." I tell him and he nods. I get out and shut the door. I walk up to the door and knock loudly. It takes a second, but someone finally opens the door. CC gives me a confused look. I blush at his gaze, I must look like a mess. "Oh hi Jessica, Amy's not here right now. She's at cheer leading practice." "Yeah, I know. I actually...." "Who's here?" I hear a deep and very familiar voice behind CC.

CC steps aside to reveal Andy. I gasp, he looks better than ever. His raven hair goes so well with his beautiful ocean eyes. His dark cloths makes his pale skin stick out beautifully. It takes me a second to finally speak. "Hello Andy." I say, barley audible. He bites his lip and looks to the ground, avoiding eye contact. CC walks away, leaving Andy and I alone. "Amy's not here." He says glancing up. I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "I know, I actually came here to talk to you." He looks up at me, our gazes meet, but this time he doesn't look away. "Okay, lets talk.."

We walk down the long road, a thick silence filling the air. Andy suggested that we go on a walk to talk. The sun beats down on my back, making me hot. I bite my lip, trying to find words to say, but none comes. "Andy...I'm" I stutter, not wanting to get it wrong. "I'm sorry." "What?" He asks, stopping and looking me in my eyes. I tear my eyes from his and look down at the pavement.

"I'm sorry, for being so selfish. I was only thinking about myself. I didn't care about how you felt. I didn't care that you were staying away from me so you didn't hurt me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for slipping off of the bridge. I'm sorry for telling you that I hate you. Because I don't, if anything, I love you. I missed you so much. It broke my heart not being with you..." He cuts me off by lifting my head and kissing me.

At first I'm shocked and tense, but after a second I relax and Andy deepens the kiss. After a minute he pulls away to breathe. "I'm sorry, for giving up on you. I knew how much you were afraid to love, but I didn't care. I was the one being selfish." He whispers, his deep voice so sincere and caring. I melt into his touch, leaning into his chest.

He wraps his arms around me tightly, putting his lips to the top of my head. "We both were selfish. We were blind by love. It happens, to everybody..." I whisper closing my eyes. We set in silence for a minute until three words flow out of his mouth. "I love you." It takes me a second, he told me he loves me, how am I supposed to respond to that? I take a deep breath and look up into his eyes.

"I love you too Andy."

Notes