where am i?

Emmalee’s POV:

My heart broke, I could lose everything, I have a family, and I have a baby! What am I going to do?
I just cry, break down, for the first time in a long time, Andy is trying, but I don’t want him to comfort me right now, I just want my dad.

Andy’s POV:

I’ve never seen her like this before, so broken, she won’t even let me touch her, and all I can think about is that day, when I found her almost passed out on her bead, cut to shreds, and the bathtub full of bloody water, but surely she won’t do that again, she has a baby, a family, me, she won’t do that again, right?

**small time laps**

The whole car ride back to the bus was silent, filled with the occasional sound of sobs and sniffles.
We get to the bus, no one knows yet, but I’m not sure what’s going to happen, because every time em walks onto the bus, the guys greet her with excitement, I hope she is going to be okay, no matter what happens, she is strong, and I know she can get thru anything.

Ashley’s POV:

Em and Andy walk onto the bus, everyone gets excited and goes to greet her, and ask if she’s okay, but she just pushes thru, not making eye contact with anyone, she walks to Kaitlynn and picks Naomi up giving her a sad half smile, and walks to Naomi’s room, and shuts the door, which is weird, because before Naomi was born, Emmalee made a rule, that no one is to shut her door, everyone looks at Andy with a confused expression, he just says,
“Just give her some time, I’m going to take a shower, we will talk later.”
I’m worried now, but we all do as told, and sit in silence, waiting for Andy.

Andy’s POV:

I told them to give her some time, and that I was going to take a shower, but I’m going to take her with me, we need alone time to talk, or just be intimate, even just to touch.
I walk up to the closed door, and stand for a minute, she is singing to Naomi, her quiet, hurt voice melts my heart, I walk in, and grab Naomi, she just gives me a ‘what the fuck Andy’ look, it’s not justa ‘what the fuck’ look like she gives everyone else, this one is specific to me, I walk into the living room area of the bus, and hand Naomi to kellin, it’s so silent it scary, but I don’t feel like telling them, not yet, not until I talk to Emmalee first.
I walk back into the room and grab her hand, only to get the same look, but I don’t care, I rag her to the shower, but she just stands there, emotionless, so I take her clothes off, as well as my own, and drag her into the shower, she just stands there, she hasn’t even made eye contact with me in three hours, I lift her head up, and look into her eyes, she looks at me, but not like she always does, her eyes are always brown, with just a hint of green, but not enough to be hazel, and always filled with happiness, and lust, but not today, they were dark green, and filled with hate, and sadness, I lightly kiss her, then hug her tight, for a while, I guess I didn’t realize how long, because I was snapped out of my thoughts, by Kaitlynn knocking asking if everything was okay,
“were fine” I say, realizing how cold the water is, I turn it off, as I am about to get out, Emmalee pulls me but the neck, and kisses me, I know it was only a few hours, but god I missed her kisses, they made me feel like I was floating.

“I love you Andy” Emmalee says, as she steps out of the shower to dry off,
“I love you too princess” I say with a smile
“Will you tell the guys, I don’t want to, and I really don’t want their sympathy” she says, her love, and brief happiness fading, and her eyes turning back to dark green.
“Of course I will baby, go lay down, I’ll be there in a little bit, you need to rest.” I say, she just nods her head, and walks out, I follow, and put on a pair of boxers, and the batman pajama pants she bought for me, and she puts on her matching ones and a sports bra and climbs into the bunk.
I walk into the silent room, dreading speaking these words, but I have to.
“hey guys” I say, not really knowing how to start this conversation, they all just look at me, concern in all of their eyes, they were already ready for the show but it’s not starting for 3 hours, I look at them, and the looks on their faces change from concerned to worry,
“What’s going on man?” cc asks, and I’m grateful, because I didn’t know how to start this conversation
“well, I took em to the dr today, they did a scan thingy on her brain, they found a tumor, they don’t know if its cancer, or not they took blood and are running test.” I say, trying my hardest not to cry, but failing, as I notice a hot tear fall onto my cheek, I quickly wipe it.
“Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear that” Kaitlynn says
“well, someone should probably call Vic, since he’s like he brother, I can’t do it, I’m going to go lay down with her, make sure I’m up an hour before the show starts” I say, but everyone freezes, like they are staring behind me,
“Guys?” I say, waving my hand around, then I hear a faint
“I wanted to say goodnight to Naomi.” And I see Emmalee walk up to Kaitlynn and kiss Naomi on the cheek, and say “goodnight baby girl”, then turn to the guys, who’s eyes are glues on her, with blank expressions on their faces, and say “stop” and turn and walk away
I turn to the guys and give them an ‘I’m sorry’ look, they just give me a small smile, and a nod, I tell them again, “make sure I’m up, an hour before the show.” They nod, and I walk off, I get to the bunks, and hear my baby crying, it hurts me so much to see my angel so broken, I climb up, and lean against the wall, sitting slightly, I pull her onto my lap, then scoot over,
“shhh, its gonna be okay” I say, while trying to calm her, stroking her grown out purple hair, she just sobs into my chest, and eventually falls asleep, cuddled onto my lap, while I rub her back, I hate seeing her like this, I wish there were something I could do but for now, all I can do is hug her but I just have a gut feeling, that everything is going to be okay, she starts snoring, I smile, and chuckle to myself, she’s adorable, Ashley says “Andy?” without opening the curtain, cause last time he did, me and em were in the middle of something, I pull the curtain back, he tells me 1 hour, I wake em, not knowing if she wants to go on and sing with me today,
“Hey baby, I gotta get ready, shows in an hour, are you coming?”
“I guess, if I don’t it will be all over the internet that we are ‘fighting’ or ‘getting a divorce’ we both chuckle me being surprised by her laugh, it makes me smile, and we both get out of bed, she walks to the kitchen, to get a drink, and she is scooped up by Vic, who starts running around the bus with her over his shoulder, I’m happy that she’s laughing, but sad that I’m not the one that made her feel better, she looks at Vic and ash and says “vicy, ashy, will you do my hair and makeup?” with a puppy dog face, the both melt and say yes instantly, I laugh, and walk over to her, I grab her around the waist and pick her up and kiss her, she kisses back, then I pull away and say, “let’s get ready love” and she smiles, and sits on the middle bar stool, while Vic gets her straightener and makeup bag, Vic sits on the stool behind her and ash on the stool in front of her, I walk off and go fix my hair, I walk back out and grab the eyeliner out of the makeup bag, only to have my hand swatted by Ashley, I punch him in the arm, and take the eyeliner and walk to the bathroom, while ash screams “hey I wasn’t finished” at me I just laugh and put it on, and walk back out and say “here, baby!” as I throw the eyeliner at Ashley, he catches it and finishes ems makeup, while Vic finishes her hair

**later**
I’m getting ready to sing done for you, I see em at the side of the stage, I look at her and she shakes her head ‘no’ and runs out and whispers in my ear, what she says makes me smile, then she quickly kisses me and exits the stage, I skip done for you and sing knives and pins instead she smiles and gives em a thumbs up.

**later**

Em didn’t come to the meet and greet, which worried the fans, almost all of them asked questions, but I just said “Naomi was fussy” they awe then continue, we agreed not to tell anyone, because if lava records found out, no one would sign her, so we are keeping it a secret for now.

Do you ever get that feeling, where you just know something isn’t right? That’s what I’m having right now, I try to text and call Vic and kellin, but neither one are answering, and can’t leave in the middle of the meet and greet, and I hope everything is okay.

Notes

yay, so two updates today, but the update tomorrow is the one you want, (wink wink) so im really sorry I wasn't updating for a while, but im back bitches!
bye bye my lovelys,

love, emmaliee.