The Devil in the Mirror

Chris' POV:

Fuck.

She's gone. She's left. Fuck.

The look in her eyes, it was proof that this was the last straw, the final mistake, she's done with me for good. Fuck. ave to be such
Why do I have to be such a fuck-up? Things were going great between us, and then Biersack stepped in, and fucking Dahvie had to hurt her like that. Worst of all, she was saved by Biersack, she was rescued by Biersack. Fuck.

I couldn't help it, after I saw them kiss, I couldn't let her go, I had wanted her for so long. It had always been painful, watching her laugh, smile and kiss him during Warped, but then after the night of the party, my feelings intensified. I couldn't get her out of my head. I wanted her, I needed her. And she just wasn't mine. I fucked Ashley out of envy towards Andy, not really because I held actual feelings towards Ash. I felt bad, but she was all over me, and I needed to get Rose out of my head. It didn't work. Fuck.

But then the two of them broke up, and I was happier than I probably should've been. I waited the appropriate time, and found out she had moved. I was furious, but then we met up somehow in New York, and we started going out. We were happy, but she wasn't as happy as she had been last summer with him. I couldn't complete her. Fuck.

After I saw them kiss in my own fucking apartment, I thought I'd lost it. I felt bad for promptly leaving her, and was going to stay home with her, when I walked in on the two of them in a steamy make out session. When she didn't bring it up in the following weeks, I developed an anger towards her, and resentment towards Biersack. But I juts couldn't let Rosie go. I had wanted her for so long, and I had her, only to lose her, and then push her away. Fuck.

And then I hit her, accidental of course. But I laid a hand on her nonetheless, and it killed me to see the look on her face: utter shock, hatred, and terror. She was afraid of me. That was almost worse than actually hitting her, almost. I drank myself raw and then to sleep the night, only to wake a few hours later with her soft voice echoing from the back lounge. We talked everything out, and made up. She trusted me again, more or less, but now, I had ruined it. Fuck.

After she had run to Biersack the following morning, I was furious, and I drank again. New Year's Day had bee in Boston on a separate tour, and I was already wasted. We hooked up, only this time, we were caught. By my girlfriend. Fuck.

I felt awful, and it hurt when she brought up me hurting her physically, and thens she stormed out. I knew where she had obviously run off to, but I knew that I had lost her. I had fucked up her life for the last time. I missed her more than ever. But I had lost my chance, and now he was gone. Maybe forever. Fuck.

After she left, I slammed my fist against the wall of the bus, making the vehicle shake slightly.Ash jumped up, scared possibly. She was obviously hurt from the comment about her earlier, but I couldn't focus any attention on her, not when the girl I loved was in the arm's of another man possibly right now. Fuck.

"Chris?" She tried softly, placing a hand comfortingly on my bare shoulder. I shrugged her hand off, not in the mood for comfort, but she simply sighed and began to coax me, "Chris, I'm so sorry. I really ruined your relationship with Rosie, didn't I?"

I frowned, I was the one who cheated. Why was she blaming herself?

I let out a deep breath, "look, Ash, it isn't your fault. It's mine, and I'm sorry for dragging you into all this shit. You really don't deserve this, not at all."

She nodded and tried to smile weakly but I could easily see the tears welling in her eyes. Great, I keep making girls cry.

"It's okay, it is also my fault. Hell, she probably hates me right now. More than you," I winced when she said that and she instantly apologized, "shit, I'm sorry, Chris. Too soon?"

I nodded, the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach growing with every second that Rose wasn't here.

"I think I'm going to go now. You need some time to yourself. Cal me when you've got things figured out, okay?"

I nod, putting my head in my hands. I need to figure out a way to win her back possibly. There must be a way. There's got to be. I'm not done with her, and I don't intend to be anytime soon.She was my future, I was confident about that, and I was determined to win her back. Whatever it takes. However long it will take. If I can get to her before Biersack does. Fuck.

Notes

Short chapter in Chris' POV
I just feel like some things need to be explained on his behalf, and while it doesn't make things better for him, it does clear some confusion up. Chris is NOT out of the picture just yet! I mean, it's pretty obvious that Rose won't be going back to him, but he is going to try and win her over. Andy is also attempting to win her back. Looks like w've got some competition for Rose's hart here. Who will win??

A question for another chapter ;)

qotd: I've already asked this, but I didn't really get any answers.... how many books/stories do you want in this story? Since I could end it after book 2, or add more. It's honestly up to you all!!
+ fav christmas present you got this past x-mas???