Two of the Best

Alex’s POV:

Everything has been great lately. Raven and CC have been happy and so have Andy and I. But something just isn’t right. Something has been missing in my life and Andy isn’t ever going to be able to fix it. The scars that my mom and dad left on me would never go away and the scars that I made on myself would always be there. They kept on reminding me of how I felt deep inside, every glance at the scars bringing the emotions closer to the surface, closer to the breaking point. Although the mental scars were just healing and everything was getting better, they were getting worse as I ignored them.
I was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the floor when Andy walked in.
“Hey, Alex,” he said and sat down next to me, kissing my cheek. I only just smiled. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his happy expression turn into one filled with worry.
“Is...everything alright?” I felt Andy’s eyes staring at me and I hated it. The way it burned into me as he waited for my response. I shook my head, still not looking at him.
“No...nothing is ‘alright’. The scars that I’ve made on myself are ugly and remind me of what I’ve wanted to forget so hard. I’m getting closer to the breaking point. Can’t you see it? The way that I flinch at your touch and barely smile anymore? The way that I barely eat and can’t close my eyes to go to sleep anymore? Oh god, Andy. I don’t want to be here anymore and I don’t want to hurt you either. I’m dying inside, Andy.”
That’s what I wanted to say and do, but all I did instead was nod and give him a convincing smile.
“Yeah, I was just thinking about some things,” I lied to him and he wrapped his strong, slender arms around my small frame. It was so difficult to keep back the tears and not let my eyes water. I wanted to just tell him everything right now but he’s gone through so much to help me feel better, I wouldn’t want him to think it all went to waste.


+...Hours Later…+


Andy left to go sort out some things with his boss while I was left with everyone. CC and Raven went out to eat or something, so it was just me, Ashley, Jinxx and Jake.
“What’s up?” Jinxx said as I walked into the lounge area and I couldn’t take it anymore. I just burst into tears and collapsed into a chair, sobbing into my hands.
“Oh my god, are you ok, Alex?” I heard Ashley say and then felt them come closer to me.
“No I am not ok and I’m done with pretending that I am. You guys have made such an impact on my life from your music to meeting you guys. But sometimes you can’t fix the broken pieces and they will forever remained shattered. I’ve been trying my best to act happy but I just can’t anymore. I’ve kept everything on the inside since that is the safest place to keep it all. What am I supposed to do when everything around me is crumbling and my own mind is telling me to end everything and take away all pain forever? I can’t keep on pushing on anymore and I can’t keep on pretending.” I said everything so quickly and in the state I was in I would be surprised if they heard anything I said. I didn’t hear a single response. I only felt three pairs of arms wrap around me.
“You need help, Alex. And this kind of help isn’t something we can give you,” Jake mumbled to me softly.
“P-Please...do whatever but don’t...don’t send me away...I can’t live without being by Raven...and...you guys…” I said through sobs. “I just...need some time...then everything will be ok…” I said and stood up, pushing them away and going into the bunks. I laid down in the one that I shared with Andy, burrowing deep under the blankets and sobbing to myself. I was a ticking bomb that at the slightest mishap, would blow.

Notes

yeah sad chapter cause sad author lol

anyways the 1d fandom needs to calm their tits

alex