My Fallen Angel

It’s been a month since I told Andy about my parents and since the voices came back.
Now I hear them almost daily and it’s driving me insane. I’ve almost killed Andy twice and Nick once. For some reason, the voices seem to trust Annabelle and I’ve yet to figure out why.

Nick half expects me to attack him now, so he’s always on guard around me. He thinks I don’t notice, but with how paranoid I’m being, I notice everything.

I haven’t managed to tell Andy the rest of my story and he doesn’t pressure me to. In fact, he hasn’t mentioned that night to me at all. He, Nick and Annabelle all know about the voices. Annabelle already knew from when we were teenagers, and I had to tell Nick what was up after I attacked him.

Nick managed to help a little. He told me royalty is more dangerous amongst the demons and that I’m not the first princess to ‘hear’ things.

I’ve practically locked myself in my room after the second time I attacked Andy. He calls me and texts me daily, almost every half hour, but I don’t answer. When he leaves me a voicemail it goes along the lines of ‘Jess, please talk to me, I can help, I really want to help. I love you more than anything and I can’t lose you, not to something like this. I can handle you when you, you know, when the voices take over and I’m not afraid of you, please call me’ And his positivity and constant calls and texts are driving me crazy, usually making the voices more rabid and I don’t know what to do.

I have no way to contact my real father, Lucifer. I don’t know how to. It’s really bugging me. I wish he’d come to me in my dream again or something so I can talk to him about this, but I can’t get through to him. Maybe if I try to kill myself again? I’m certainly desperate enough...

Maybe I should call Andy. He could make them go away. Hopefully, anyway. I don’t know, am I putting too much faith in him? Should I really trust him with this? How can I trust him? The only person I’ve ever trusted completely, abused me. And Annabelle, well, she left.

But she came back. Maybe I can trust him. But, he’s a guy and guys only hurt you. But Annabelle was a guy once, too. But she had the mind of a woman.

“Ugh I just don’t know!” I yell at myself “Why can’t I trust people” I whisper

There’s a knock at my door

“You okay, Jessie?” Annabelle asks

I don’t answer her; I just sit on my bed, self loathing and start to cry for the umpteenth time this week

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know who to trust anymore. I just don’t know anymore.

Is Andy really on my side? Is Nick on my side? Are there even any sides to be on?
I hear Annabelle walk back into the living room and lie down on my bed facing away from the door and towards the window. I look out into the night sky and my mind goes blank.

Then one question pops into my head; what would have happened if I had never run away from home. If I had never been a demon? If I had had a normal life like every other girl? Would Andy never have died? Would he still be living with his drunk father and scared mother? Would my parents still be alive?

I’m flooded with questions again and I just wish I had someone to ask.

I sigh and look out my window again and realise that all I can think about is Andy and I just know I can trust him.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve locked myself in my room and I’m feeling agoraphobic. I take a deep breath and head towards my door.

I stand facing my door for what feels like an eternity. Can I really leave my room? What if I hurt someone again? What if Belle asks me a question? What if Belle is sitting in the living room waiting for me? Can I really go out there?

Questions flood my head again as I stand behind my door. My anxiety and agoraphobia binding me to my room. What should I do? I have to see Andy. I have to let him know I’m okay. Am I okay?

I go back and sit on my bed. I haven’t left my room in two weeks. I’ve only eaten twice and I still didn’t leave my room, Belle left food outside my door. She has been every day, but I’ve only been able to open my door twice, mostly because I was starving.
I wander over to my window and wonder if I can get out of here that way. I take a deep breath and touch the cold window pane

I close my eyes and run my fingers along the edge of the window and then, slowly, I lift it up and the fresh air smacks me in the face. I open my eyes and begin to freak out, so I close them again and just stand there, taking in the smell of the recent rainfall. I hadn’t even noticed it had been raining until now.

I stand there for a good ten minutes before I open my eyes again

“You can do this” I say to myself, quietly

I reach out again and open the screen and position myself to climb out the window.

I take another deep breath and climb out.

I wander to my truck and remember that my keys are on the kitchen table. Guess I’m walking

It’s not that far of a walk anyway, just a few blocks, but I have to take some iffy streets to get to his house.

I start walking down my road; one of the nicer parts of town, and make my way to downtown where things get a little interesting.

As I’m walking I pass a bunch of bars and biker gangs, getting cat calls and the like. I pass the one bar my ex used to drink at a lot and I close my eyes in anticipation of a flashback, but one doesn’t come on. I continue walking, but stop when someone touches my arm. I reach for my phone just as someone calls me, but I drop it when I’m jerked backwards

“I said, Hey baby what’s you doing in a place like this all by your lonesome” The guy who has a hold of my arm says.

My first reaction is to hit him, but I don’t swing at him because he’s drunk and smells like my ex. I look at him in fear and scream

Notes

Finally another chapter! Yay! Also, I have a lot of the next chapter typed out, it's just this was going on six pages, so I decided to end it here so that you guys finally get a new chapter

Remember to always stay strong and I love you guys so so much