“you gotta be kidding me, on tour?”
“yeah we live in a week”
“thats amazing”
“your concert photograph’s are amazing, i knew you would make it” Fawn was kinda of an over enthusiast, the moment i told her i was going to LA she couldn't stop talking about me making it, and how she could brag that her best friend was a photographer.
“yeah we’re even going to the UK” CC filled in.
“we’re going to the UK?” i asked, why the hell didn't Ashley told me this?
“you didn’t knew?”
“are we going to Belfast?” i felt the anger bottle inside me by the idea of going there.
“yeah” CC smiled, al excited by the idea of his first tour, while Fawn looked worried to me.
“FOOD!” i heard Andy and Jake scream.
“whats wrong?” jinx said the moment he let his eye fall on me.
“Ashley” i said it calm, but everybody could hear the anger that controlled my voice.
“Raven” he answered me just as calm.
“why didn’t you tell me about Belfast?”
“why do you think”
“why?”
“cause i don’t wanna screw this up”
“screw what up, i thought we decided there was only one option to do when we ever got there”
“no, when he got here, when we got him alone, with the club, not when if we just happen to bump into him”
“Sae ye juist forgot tae mention it?” the anger raised my voice and i felt all the eyes in the room locked on my face. there where mostly 2 reason why i spoke Scottish, i was or drunk, or extremely angry.
“i don’t want you to look him up, and besides we don’t even know if he is still there” thats the moment i started screaming at him
“WHA URR YE KIDDING, O' COORSE HE’S THARE!” I stood up from the cough and stood right there before my brother, who didn't move from the moment he had walked into the room.
“Raven, calm down, please!”
“Then juist please tell me, cuid ye keep the heid whin ye see that coupon again?”
“i will avoid him” i could hear the anger in his calm voice.
“Lik' he wil let ye ”
“i hope so”
“Ah can’t hawp ye'r planning tae be in th' identical toon as o’phelan, 'n' juist jook him” i said in despise
“maybe i just didn't want to think about O’Phelan being that close”
“Weel ah dreamt aboot that day fur years ” and that was the trigger for Ashely to start screaming at me, to let the emotions all out he kept in about O’Phelan all these years.
“YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO DREAMT ABOUT PLANTING A MOTHERFACKING BULLET BETWEEN HIS EYES! CAUSE I DO, I DO EVERY FACKING NIGHT SINCE THEY DIED!”
“Juist let me dae it then ” i said in the most calm voice i could, but still you could hear all the anger i had in it. the tears where running down my face while i thought of all the pain O’Phelan caused to me, to Ashley and my father. there wasn’t a person in the world who i could hate more than i hated him, and the idea to being this close to him, was unbearable.
“Ah wil gang tae sambel, 'n' ah wull fin' tae monster ” it were the last word i said to Ashley before i stormed out of the apartment.

---

if only i stopped to pull on shoes, maybe a jacket, or proper pants, it would be much easier to stay angry outside. but of course i decided to storm out on a cold helloween in only a shirt from Andy and shorts, not even freaking shoes. i didn't even knew how long i wandered the streets before i heard Fawns voice.
“Ah dinnae wantae blether aboot it ” i said as soon as she walked next to me.
“Raven, english please” Fawn said demanding.
“Raven, it isn't his fault, he just tries to protect you” she said when i didn't answer her.
“i don’t need protection” it took me enough concentration to speak english this time
“come on, you know how hard it is for him”
“it was my mother too” when i got to this stage of anger, i didn't scream anymore, i didn't even raised my voice a little, i just spoke calm. i knew how Fawn always thought it was terrifying.
“Baby, i know, i know everything he did to you guys, but you can’t let that anger destroy you”
“well maybe i like how it is destroying me, it kept me alive all these years”
“you really think it all gets better when you kill him, you won’t get your mother back, or Ashley his Father, or Fiona and Kerrianne”
“don’t even start about Fiona, cause i wil get that bitch!”
“Chibs will not lose his scars, when you do that”
“but it will be damm satisfying to give that monster the same Glasgow smile as he gave my father”

Notes