Bullets in a Music Box

My arms were crossed over my chest and my back was leaning against the wall. The show was almost over and I was glad. My head hurts and I'm tired. Andy was talking to the crowd and I stole a glance at the stage. Ashley was looking at me and I turned my head away from him and looked at my hands. I just can't get over it. I know that they say to not dwell on the past, but I can't help it. Especially when this past happened a week ago. A hand appeared on my shoulder and I looked up to see Jon. He had a concerned look on his face.

"Are you alright?" He asked. I shifted and nodded.

"My head hurts," I said with a shrug. He rubbed my shoulder before sighing.

"How are you taking what happened?" He asked. I looked at him and clenched my jaw.

"I don't really know," I said and he nodded.

"I talked to Tyler, and told him what happened," he paused when I gave him a look.

"Are you kidding me? Why?" I asked.

"I told him because this has to do with the band as well. Anyways, I told Tyler and he said that Ashley is only allowed to be at the concerts, obviously, the meet and greets, and interviews. Otherwise he is to be in his hotel room or on the bus, away from you," he said. I stood there silently for a second or two before nodding.

"Okay. And what happens when he doesn't follow these rules?" I asked.

"If he doesn't follow the rules, there will be serious consequences," he said. I nodded and looked at the stage while biting my lip. Andy was looking at me while singing before looking back at the crowd when I gave him a smile.

"We love having you on the tour. The band loves it, they are behaving themselves, for the most part. And I want you to feel comfortable, not like you have to constantly be watching your own back," Jon said. I looked back at him and sighed.

"I don't think I will ever feel comfortable again, at least not while on a damn bus," I said.

"I understand that, but, there's nothing I can do about the bus," he said. I nodded and yawned before tightening my arms around my chest and looked back at the stage just as they finished the last song and they all ran off stage. Andy immediately engulfed me in a hug. I wrapped my own arms tightly around him and nuzzled my face into his shoulder. We stood there for a few minutes while I breathed and held onto him. Then someone called Andy's name and he had to let go, which made me feel all empty and insecure again. He had to go do something and said he'd meet me in the dressing room. I wrapped my arms around my chest and made my way back to the dressing room. As I was just about to the room, Ashley stopped me. I swallowed and stared at him.

"What the hell do you want Ashley?" I asked.

"Look, I'm sorry Sadee," he said.

"Sorry isn't enough," I said and tried to walk past him. He put his hand on my arm to stop me and I tightened and I looked at him.

"I was drunk," he said.

"That doesn't give you the right to not only kiss your best friends girlfriend but also, to not get off of my when I tell you to," I said. He looked at me and I could see he was upset.

"I was drunk and upset, I wasn't thinking straight," he said.

"I was tipsy as well, but I knew damn well what was right and what was wrong, and you kissing me was wrong. I am scared out of my fucking mind whenever you are around, do you realize that?" I asked.

"But I didn't do anything except kiss you," he said.

"Like I said at the meeting yesterday, who knows what would have happened if Andy wouldn't have walked back in the room. You were drunk and you weren't listening to me. You know how fucked up my past is! That crossed so many fucking lines, I can't trust you," I said.

"If you think I was planning on having sex with you, you're wrong. Even when I'm drunk I know when to stop," he said.

"You were at the point of almost blacking out Ashley. No you didn't know when to stop. I was pushing you off of me but you kept trying to kiss me. I am a weak person," I said.

"God, all of you are focusing on the fact that I kissed you. My fucking fiancee broke it off. No one cares that I might be upset about that," he said.

"You know what Ashley? Just because your fucking fiancee broke it off with you does not mean you can just confess your feelings for me and kiss me. I am with Andy, I love Andy with every fucking fiber of my being. He makes me feel safe, and right now, I am terrified. I don't know what you are going to do. This is why what you did was so wrong. I have trust issues with males, I always have. I have trusted this whole band and shared shit I normally wouldn't share. And you thought that just because we were friends and you were drunk meant it was okay to break that trust and basically violate me," I practically yelled in his face.

"I didn't violate you," he said.

"How the fuck do you know that? You violated my personal space, you violated my trust in you. Ashley, you hurt me. You hurt me mentally. I am scared all the time now. There is a reason I don't have many friends in LA. I can't trust people because they all fuck it up!" I yelled through tears.

"Sadee, I-"

"No. Don't fucking talk to me. I will never trust you again," I said and pushed him away from me and walked into Andy's dressing room, slamming the door behind me. My breathing was choppy and heavy. The tears were streaming down my face and I kept thinking about what could have happened to me. Charlie was sitting on a chair in the room and he was looking at me confused and worried.

"Aunt Sadee, you alright?" He asked.

"No, I'm not. Go find Andy," I said through shaky breaths and I fell to the floor on my knees. My hand immediately went to my chest and I tried to breath but it was difficult. My chest is tight and I have no idea what is going on. Charlie quickly got on his feet and ran from the room. Throughout my entire body, I felt shakes and tingling. Tears came from my eyes faster as I freaked out. I have no idea what was going on. It felt like hours had passed before I felt arms around me. I couldn't hear anything, or see anything, but I knew the arms around me were Andy's.

When I could finally hear, I heard Andy calling my name.

"Sadee, can you hear me? Sadee, come on," he was worried. When my eyesight was beginning to come back, I looked at Andy and burst into tears. He sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Ashley talked to me and I don't know," I cried and he let out an angry breath. I heard a few voices around the room before I heard CC. For some reason, knowing CC was there brought extreme comfort to me. Then I heard CC telling someone they couldn't come in the room. It was Ashley trying to get in, I know it.

"Okay, let's get her to the bus. I'll send a medic on to give her some sleeping meds," Jon said and I felt myself being picked up and carried. As we walked through the halls, I clung to Andy for dear life. I saw Ashley in the hallway and he was extremely concerned. Then I saw Jon grab him and pull him into the dressing room. The second we were outside, I felt my breath begin to go back to normal. Then we walked onto the bus. Andy set me down on the couch and I curled myself into a ball, an very tight ball.

"Charlie, could you sit with Sadee for a minute, I have to go talk to Jon," Andy said and I heard Charlie say yes before he sat down next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I don't know," I said through my tears quietly. I felt Charlie wrap his arms around me and hug me. I leaned into his side and bit my thumb. Then the door to the bus opened and I saw Andy, Jon, CC, Jake, and Jinxx all walk on. Andy looked at Charlie, who then got up from the couch and Andy replaced him. Andy wrapped his arm around me tightly, and I curled myself into his side as far as I could without making him feel uncomfortable.

"Sadee, are you okay with taking sleeping meds tonight?" Jon asked. I nodded and he nodded before walking off the bus. CC sat down on the other end of me and Jake and Jinxx both sat down next to CC.

"Was that a panic attack or anxiety attack?" Jake asked.

"Probably both," I said.

"I heard what you were yelling at Ashley," CC said quietly and I swallowed.

"He was making these dumb as duck excuses, even though he knew I wouldn't take them," I said.

"He was," CC chuckled and then the door to the bus opened again and in walked Jon and a person I didn't know. The person walked over to me and smiled.

"Here you go, take them when you need them. And I suggest you see a doctor about getting anxiety medications," she said and handed me a small bottle. I smiled back at her and she left. I held the bottle tightly while we laid there. If having Ashley around me gives me a panic/anxiety attack, I don't know how much longer I can be on the tour.

Notes

BAM! So Sadee did round one of yelling at Ashley, don't worry, more to come. And then she had a panic/anxiety attack. I was going to have her have a seizure, but then I was like, nah, too dramatic. But she does feel really uncomfortable all the time. And yeah. And for those of you waiting for Andy to yell at Ashley, and I mean yell at Ashley, just wait, it'll happen in a few chapters. Hope you liked it.

And keep suggestions coming. I like hearing your opinions! Now, for a question for you all, how and when should Andy yell at Ashley? What should he say? What should Ashley say?

Sadee's Outfit:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=139682997

Smiles! (As always!)