Numb

Courtney's POV:

The distant sound of beeping awoke me, and my first instinct was to sit up. My bones ached and complained at the sudden movement, and my wrists were wrapped in thick lengths of bandages. The pounding in my head grew louder with every beep from the heart monitor beside the hospital bed, and all I really wanted was to go under again.

However my my body had other ideas.

My stomach let out a annoyingly loud growl, reminding me that I had yet to eat today. Whoops.

Today... What was today? Was it still Monday? I mean, I was in a hospital for gods sake! Days could've past, or maybe only a few hours have gone by. Whatever the case, I was alarmed as fuck that I was here in the first place, and that I was alone.

On cue, BVB walked through the door and into the already cramped room. Their usually loud voices hushed and speaking in urgent tones. When they noticed that I was struggling into a sitting position, they all immediately rushed to my side, half of them helping me up and the others pushing me back into a laying position. It was all very confusing for my muscles.

"Alright, alright, I'm sitting up!" I exclaimed, my patience wary as my stomach began to eat itself.

"Courtney! Thank god you're awake. How do you feel?" Ashley pestered in a annoying 'parental guardian' manner.

"Ugh, I'm fine. I just want something to eat! And some water while you're at it, I'm starving," I replied smartly, not in the mood for talking until I was fed.

"Yeah, yeah. We'll get you some food when we feel like it, since I'm pretty sure you don't want gross hospital food. So how about you start talking and we'll get you what you want," CC interrupted, sassing me out no doubt.

i raised an eyebrow at the usual hyper, if not a little wild drummer. Usually so composed and well, friendly. He was now taking over the 'bad cop' role very well.

I sigh, realizing that I'm trapped, so instead of fighting, I settle back against the many pillows stacked on my bed, and cross my arms over my chest.

"Alright. What do you want to know?"

Andy sits down beside me, and puts an arm around my shoulders. I'm grateful for the contact despite the fact that my brother and the men who have become my family are here, and staring at us. They haven't had the chance to witness how close Andy and I have become.

"Everything, Courtney. We need to know why you did it again, why you started. How we can help you, everything. It's to help and protect you Courtney. We all need you, we can't lose you." Ashley says, leaning against the window with his arms crossed.

I nod, and refuse to keep eye contact with any of them. If I'm going to tell them, then I can't risk showing emotion. I'll surely break under their sympathetic gazes.

I look down at my hands, "I started cutting myself when I was fourteen. I was bullied because of how I looked by girls, sometimes about my taste in music or clothes, and harassed by boys. I often liked to be by myself, and was teased for that. I began to get depressed, and developed a form of social anxiety. Grab had trouble sending me to school on my worst days, but I always caved. I saw a few therapists and counsellors, but it never helped. I went to self-harm as my solution, and that's that."

I glance up to look at their solemn faces, each deciphering a slightly different emotion. Jinxx is compassion and sadness, Jake is understanding, CC is sorrow, a strange look on him. Ashley is anger, self-hate, sadness, and resentment, however the last one is directed to Andy, and his arm still wrapped around me. Andy is both angry and trying to understand, sadness clouds his vision, and he tightens his grip on me.

"When I entered high school, the typical teenage girl thing happened to me. I grew even more self-conscious of my body and appearance, and my past experiences worsened it. To this day, I don't look in mirrors for more than three seconds. Anyways, Monday, whether that's still today, I began to think... Negatively. I wanted to solve my problems that never go away, so I tried to. You stopped me, but that's that I suppose."

I hastily blink away my watery eyes, deliberately leaving out the details. Such as what I feel, why I feel that way. The important stuff.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to cause so much chaos for any of you. I know I'm such a fuck up, but I'll try to get better! Please don't send me away, Ashy, please." I beg, tears pouring from my eyes as I finally breakdown.

Andy pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me, soothing me. Ashley grasps my hand and draws invisible circles on my wrist, offering a sad smile.

"We'll never send you away Court, I'm never getting rid of you," he says, kissing my temple.

"Yeah, you're stuck with us for life," CC jokes, ruffling my hair but adoration is evident on his face.

"We're all brothers, in BVB," Jinxx starts, "we've never had a sister before. Now we do, and we're not letting you out of our sight."

"we care about you, Courtney. And what you go through, we'll be right beside you the entire time," Jake kisses my head.

I smile at at them all through my tears, leaning into Andy further.

"thank you," I gasp out, "for everything. I love you guys so much, you have no idea."


They smile and Ashley goes to get a nurse, Jake and CC go for a food run while Jinxx scours the hospital for a decent cup of coffee. Leaving Andy and I once again, alone, only this time, we're still locked in an embrace, with me still on Andy's lap.

I lay my head on his chest, the thrum of his heart lulling me to a comfortable sleep.

"Thank you Andy," I whisper.

He doesn't respond, only saying, "I'm not letting you go that easy."

The end.

Notes

Jks, this isn't the end of the story. I couldn't help it, it seemed like a pretty dramatic way to end everything.
Besides, it would be terrible to end the story before it even began. Andy and Courtney haven't even kissed yet! And they aren't, yet anyways, hehe

i hoped everyone liked the chapter, I tried to make it longer as an apology for the very short last chapter.
It was actually quite hard to write, because again, I'm more or less Courtney, and her experiences are my own more or less. So that was a bit of m life's story for those who are interested.

Again, hope you had a good New Years, and all the best for 2015!!

love you all!
xoxo

Gone_Girl