Picking up the broken pieces

It's been a week since I joined the guys on tour. It seemed as though this darkness was relentlessly pressing me, pushing me farther into myself. I had never been this bad. Every day added more and more red gashes across my body. The pain made me want to scream. Instead, I acted happy. I was forced to fake a smile every day, forced to laugh every day. I didn't have any reason to live other than music...and the more I thought about it, the smaller that reason seemed.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Andy sounded upset as he walked from the bathroom to the living room. We all looked up from what we were doing. "What do you mean-" Cc was cut off as Andy held up a small, shiny piece of metal. The guys all seemed in a trance, staring at the razor carefully held between Andy's fingers. Everyone but Andy. "Found it in the bathroom on top of the cabinet when I went searching for my red nail polish." He frowned. Everyone seemed to look at me. Panic bubbled up in my body until I couldn't contain it any longer, and the guys just sat there and watched as I lost my battle. "Alex....is this yours?" Andy asked sadly, walking over to me. Every sound seemed intensified, every smell made me more and more sick to my stomach, every color appeared more vibrant and painful to look at as my panic consumed me. My breathing sped up, my heart pounded, my eyes blurred. I curled up into a tight ball willing this all to go away, but no matter how hard I tried, the panic only got worse. "Andy, back off for a second. She's having a panic attack." Jake said. He probably said it in a whisper, but at the moment it was as though he was yelling. Andy ignored him. Words echoed in my head in an unrelenting scream. Hurt. Scared. Help. Lost. Stopstopstopstopstop!!!!!! And then there he was, his cold hand on mine. "Alex, look at me. Look at me." He said. I forced my eyes to meet his. "Deep breaths, breathe with me. C'mon, deep breaths." He cooed in between each deep breath. I looked away. I didn't want to look at him, so I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. "No no no, look at me, Alex." he gave my hand a small comforting squeeze. I shook my head violently, tears pouring down my face. "Alex, breath. You're gonna pass out, please, just take deep breaths." He pleaded. I forced air into my lungs in a slow, shaky breath. "That's it, keep it up." he encouraged. I continued to breath slowly, and ever so slowly, my panic seemed to dissapear until it wasn't there at all. I opened my eyes slowly as tears continued to fall. "It's okay, we'll get you through this. We'll brave this storm." Andy gave me a reassuringly smile. I nodded and slowly stood up. Suddenly I felt myself falling as darkness enveloped my vision. The last thing I heard was a cry of alarm.

Notes

Alright, the story has been updated! :P Don't worry, it will get better. I don't know about you guys, but I based her panic attack off of what it's like for me. This is what happens when I have a severe attack. Not fun. For anyone that goes through this, you're not alone. Feel free to message me or comment. ;) "We'll brave this storm..."