I am In Love With -A-killer
Chapter eighteen: The silence between two people
When i was ten years old, explaining love to be is like teaching fish poetry; i had no idea what it was and what the outcome of it will be. Is love natural? Can you see it? Better yet can you feel it?
I know what love is. But you know there are very different kind of love. Love for your kids. Love for you parents. Love for your friends. And last but not least love for your husband. I could not explain the fourth kind of love it was wacky, so wacky it led me through something, something called denial. I am not sure what i did or how i actually handled the whole situation but it sprung out and bite me in the ass.
I was the nerdy little girl with the geek glasses on. I was the girl who only had four friends, and better yet i was the girl who fell deeply and utterly in love with her Biology teacher. I don'y remember that girl with the glasses and the brown thick hair and the coy smile. Where was she? Can she come back? I miss her so much.
I do not like what i am seeing in front of me, the reflection looking at back at me; the woman with the short red hair and two kids to her name. I love Maxine and Conner so much it hurts, it feels i can just pack our bags and move out of Seattle, away from my past and away from Andy.
Every single time i say that is Andy who changed me, but truth me told it was not he who changed me, it was i who changed him. I made him into a monster and the affect was me turning into the devil himself. I killed two men and i enjoyed it.
I just wish my life was simple; college, parties and friends. But life does not work like that does it?
"Sweetie?" I turn away from my horrible reflection to see Amy, Andy's mother in the door way. "Is everything alright?"
"I am fine thank you." i nod slowly grabbing my phone from the sink sliding into my jean pockets. "How was the slumber party?"
"Oh it was good, Conner and Max were angels." She responds brushing her dirty blonde hair back. "You and Andy are having problems, i can feel it when i walked into this apartment."
I would not say we were having problems. It was more complicated like that. I could not just tell my husbands mother that i tried to kill him last night. That is just nutty on my part and maybe on Andy's as well. "We are okay, husbands and wives argue."
Without waiting for a response i walk into the living area straight to my babies. "Hey guys had fun with grams?" slowly pulling Max out of her stroller i kiss her temple. Conner lying in his fathers strong arms, blue on blue, he not even looking up at my direction. Andy was right. Conner is gonna be a daddies boy.
"When are you guys packing up for LA?" Chris asked handing Andy a beer.
"This Saturday, " Andy responded to his dad, not even glancing at me.
My phone buzzed startling little Max. "Oh shh." i whisper placing her head on my shoulder as i reach for my phone. Without looking who it is i press the green button placing it by my ear. "Sam speaking."
"I am home and i am sensing something."
A small smile came on my face but one tear slip down my cheek. "Same spot."
"Bring baby Max,"
"Will do." i hung up placing Max in her stroller. "Auntie Danny is in town, lets go." i giggle as my daughter's eyes light up green. She is so sweet. "See you guys later." Yet again without even looking at me Andy threw me her bottle, catching it just in time i put it in my bag and walked out.
This morning just consist out of "Morning" and "Okay" That's coming from both i and my husbands ends. Sucks to be me now.
"Oh she is so cute, i could just her right up." Danny coos playing with Max. "You lactating mamma?"
"Nah." i grumble feeling the sun massaging my face. "Beer?"
"One each, you are driving home." She warns opening the blanket on the grass lying Max down. I set up the umbrella protecting my baby from the sun. "Where is my best friend?"
"Died in a ditch." i grumble dryly crashing back on the grass with a beer in my hand. "I almost killed Andy last night." I did, and it felt right but now saying out loud i sound like a person who just got out of a mental ward, no.... like i am a killer. Oh whatever i did and i can't take it back. One thing i learned from Andy Biersack there is not going back and turning the hands of time back with a swift move.
"Knife?" She asks wiggling her brows.
"Yes, i was literally on the way of crashing."
"And when you down you should say we are crashing- we- we are crashing."
I burst from laughter and so did she. God when did i laugh so hard? In a while. "I don't know anymore Danny, i mean last night we had sex and dude spanked me hard like with a belt hard and than nothing we just lay three inches from each other saying nothing. I was on the point of saying 'Fuck i wanna divorce.' but i know that will never happen."
Danny's brow arch as i just nodded. "he will kill ya?"
"Yep." i giggle. "Besides i don't wanna end something i did not finish, look." i point to Max. "he gave me something, something i will forever cherish."
"Like your so called virginity."
"No!" i laugh sipping on my beer. "I think i will die if i lose baby Max and Conner, they are my everything now."
"Write a letter!" My head shot up confused as hell. "Write a damn letter to Andy. You miss being you so why not start being you!"
"Okay i have no idea what you are saying, break it down for me."
She nods crossing her legs. "I don't know how you feel, only you do and Andy don't know as well. How about write a letter to him, a soppy love letter explaining everything and i mean everything. Oh and another thing Sammy."
"What?"
"Take out that contacts and dye your hair back. Oh and stop wearing hooker make up. Andy fell for Samantha Simms. Band geek. Not Samantha Simms hooker whore."
"I guess," i shrug. "You have a point."
"Lucky for you i can watch Maxy pad here while you write him," she startle me throwing her laptop on my lap. "Write away."
"Don't call my daughter that she is not a pad, not a tampon." i state opening the thing.
"Shut up. Start with Dear Andy."
"You kidding!" i bellow. "You don't start a letter with Dear Andy, come on!"
"Fine." she grumbles making weird faces for Maxine. "How about Dearest husband."
"Uh i am going with the first one." i open up word document and began.
*Dear Andy*
I know what love is. But you know there are very different kind of love. Love for your kids. Love for you parents. Love for your friends. And last but not least love for your husband. I could not explain the fourth kind of love it was wacky, so wacky it led me through something, something called denial. I am not sure what i did or how i actually handled the whole situation but it sprung out and bite me in the ass.
I was the nerdy little girl with the geek glasses on. I was the girl who only had four friends, and better yet i was the girl who fell deeply and utterly in love with her Biology teacher. I don'y remember that girl with the glasses and the brown thick hair and the coy smile. Where was she? Can she come back? I miss her so much.
I do not like what i am seeing in front of me, the reflection looking at back at me; the woman with the short red hair and two kids to her name. I love Maxine and Conner so much it hurts, it feels i can just pack our bags and move out of Seattle, away from my past and away from Andy.
Every single time i say that is Andy who changed me, but truth me told it was not he who changed me, it was i who changed him. I made him into a monster and the affect was me turning into the devil himself. I killed two men and i enjoyed it.
I just wish my life was simple; college, parties and friends. But life does not work like that does it?
"Sweetie?" I turn away from my horrible reflection to see Amy, Andy's mother in the door way. "Is everything alright?"
"I am fine thank you." i nod slowly grabbing my phone from the sink sliding into my jean pockets. "How was the slumber party?"
"Oh it was good, Conner and Max were angels." She responds brushing her dirty blonde hair back. "You and Andy are having problems, i can feel it when i walked into this apartment."
I would not say we were having problems. It was more complicated like that. I could not just tell my husbands mother that i tried to kill him last night. That is just nutty on my part and maybe on Andy's as well. "We are okay, husbands and wives argue."
Without waiting for a response i walk into the living area straight to my babies. "Hey guys had fun with grams?" slowly pulling Max out of her stroller i kiss her temple. Conner lying in his fathers strong arms, blue on blue, he not even looking up at my direction. Andy was right. Conner is gonna be a daddies boy.
"When are you guys packing up for LA?" Chris asked handing Andy a beer.
"This Saturday, " Andy responded to his dad, not even glancing at me.
My phone buzzed startling little Max. "Oh shh." i whisper placing her head on my shoulder as i reach for my phone. Without looking who it is i press the green button placing it by my ear. "Sam speaking."
"I am home and i am sensing something."
A small smile came on my face but one tear slip down my cheek. "Same spot."
"Bring baby Max,"
"Will do." i hung up placing Max in her stroller. "Auntie Danny is in town, lets go." i giggle as my daughter's eyes light up green. She is so sweet. "See you guys later." Yet again without even looking at me Andy threw me her bottle, catching it just in time i put it in my bag and walked out.
This morning just consist out of "Morning" and "Okay" That's coming from both i and my husbands ends. Sucks to be me now.
"Oh she is so cute, i could just her right up." Danny coos playing with Max. "You lactating mamma?"
"Nah." i grumble feeling the sun massaging my face. "Beer?"
"One each, you are driving home." She warns opening the blanket on the grass lying Max down. I set up the umbrella protecting my baby from the sun. "Where is my best friend?"
"Died in a ditch." i grumble dryly crashing back on the grass with a beer in my hand. "I almost killed Andy last night." I did, and it felt right but now saying out loud i sound like a person who just got out of a mental ward, no.... like i am a killer. Oh whatever i did and i can't take it back. One thing i learned from Andy Biersack there is not going back and turning the hands of time back with a swift move.
"Knife?" She asks wiggling her brows.
"Yes, i was literally on the way of crashing."
"And when you down you should say we are crashing- we- we are crashing."
I burst from laughter and so did she. God when did i laugh so hard? In a while. "I don't know anymore Danny, i mean last night we had sex and dude spanked me hard like with a belt hard and than nothing we just lay three inches from each other saying nothing. I was on the point of saying 'Fuck i wanna divorce.' but i know that will never happen."
Danny's brow arch as i just nodded. "he will kill ya?"
"Yep." i giggle. "Besides i don't wanna end something i did not finish, look." i point to Max. "he gave me something, something i will forever cherish."
"Like your so called virginity."
"No!" i laugh sipping on my beer. "I think i will die if i lose baby Max and Conner, they are my everything now."
"Write a letter!" My head shot up confused as hell. "Write a damn letter to Andy. You miss being you so why not start being you!"
"Okay i have no idea what you are saying, break it down for me."
She nods crossing her legs. "I don't know how you feel, only you do and Andy don't know as well. How about write a letter to him, a soppy love letter explaining everything and i mean everything. Oh and another thing Sammy."
"What?"
"Take out that contacts and dye your hair back. Oh and stop wearing hooker make up. Andy fell for Samantha Simms. Band geek. Not Samantha Simms hooker whore."
"I guess," i shrug. "You have a point."
"Lucky for you i can watch Maxy pad here while you write him," she startle me throwing her laptop on my lap. "Write away."
"Don't call my daughter that she is not a pad, not a tampon." i state opening the thing.
"Shut up. Start with Dear Andy."
"You kidding!" i bellow. "You don't start a letter with Dear Andy, come on!"
"Fine." she grumbles making weird faces for Maxine. "How about Dearest husband."
"Uh i am going with the first one." i open up word document and began.
*Dear Andy*
OMGGG THIS STORY IS JUST SO AMAZING !!! GREAT JOB *_*
10/1/18