Too Much
Chapter Eleven
Alex POV
I'm just sitting in the library sobbing with my head in my hands. God why do I have to be such an idiot?! I should have just let go of my jealousy, but no I just had to bring it up to Andy. Stupid stupid stupid. Suddenly I feel a hand on my back,"Alex what's wrong," Jennifer asks. I can hear genuine concern in her voice and it makes me feel all the more guilty for my accusations. "Shh Alex it's okay. Come here." She pulls me into her embrace and I sob on her shoulder for what seems like forever. Finally I calm down enough to were I can feel embarassed for being so emotional with someone who was pretty much a stranger despite the large quantity of time spent with her the past few weeks. I blush and she giggles. "It's okay Alex. I won't tell anyone that you're not really a big macho man. Your secrets safe with me." I laugh at that. "There we go a smile. Now want to tell me what happened that upset you so much." That stops my laughter right away. "It's okay if you don't want to,"she says quickly. "No it's fine. I can't keep this all locked up. Sorry in advanced,"I say before telling her everything. When I finished I wait for her to laugh and call me stupid or perhaps slap me for hurting her Andy, but she just sits there in silence. I look over at her and see tears in her eyes. Before I could asks her what was wrong she looks up at me and says,"Alex I'm gonna explain some things to you. Only Jack and Andy know this, so please keep it to yourself. Oh and also no interrupting okay?" I nod. "Okay well it all started when I was 10. I started to feel...... empty. Like I was dying a bit everyday. It didn't help that I was getting teased for well everything about me. You know nothing of this because you and Jack went to a different middle school, but the bullying was unbearable. This was before Andy moved here, so I was all alone. I had no one to help me, so I turned to something. I started to cut myself to feel something. I met Andy not too long after that. He found out about the cutting about a year after we became friends. He has a hero complex and was convinced he could save me. He's still trying to tell the truth. I mean I cut for a different reason now,but I still do it. I just can't stop, and now he has Jack trying to help and I feel so bad when I try not to cut and slip. Like I let anyone down and......."she's sobbing by this point, almost to the point of a panic attack and I'm in shock. Who knew that Jennifer,a girl that seems so strong, was so weak? That she cut herself like I do. I pull her into a hug and rub soothing circles into her back until she calmed down. "So do you understand why I need him so much now, why we're so close,"she asks. "Yes I do." And then because she was brave enough to tell me her secrets I decide to show her mine. I sigh and pull up my sleave to reveal the scars from my four years of my secret shame.
I'm just sitting in the library sobbing with my head in my hands. God why do I have to be such an idiot?! I should have just let go of my jealousy, but no I just had to bring it up to Andy. Stupid stupid stupid. Suddenly I feel a hand on my back,"Alex what's wrong," Jennifer asks. I can hear genuine concern in her voice and it makes me feel all the more guilty for my accusations. "Shh Alex it's okay. Come here." She pulls me into her embrace and I sob on her shoulder for what seems like forever. Finally I calm down enough to were I can feel embarassed for being so emotional with someone who was pretty much a stranger despite the large quantity of time spent with her the past few weeks. I blush and she giggles. "It's okay Alex. I won't tell anyone that you're not really a big macho man. Your secrets safe with me." I laugh at that. "There we go a smile. Now want to tell me what happened that upset you so much." That stops my laughter right away. "It's okay if you don't want to,"she says quickly. "No it's fine. I can't keep this all locked up. Sorry in advanced,"I say before telling her everything. When I finished I wait for her to laugh and call me stupid or perhaps slap me for hurting her Andy, but she just sits there in silence. I look over at her and see tears in her eyes. Before I could asks her what was wrong she looks up at me and says,"Alex I'm gonna explain some things to you. Only Jack and Andy know this, so please keep it to yourself. Oh and also no interrupting okay?" I nod. "Okay well it all started when I was 10. I started to feel...... empty. Like I was dying a bit everyday. It didn't help that I was getting teased for well everything about me. You know nothing of this because you and Jack went to a different middle school, but the bullying was unbearable. This was before Andy moved here, so I was all alone. I had no one to help me, so I turned to something. I started to cut myself to feel something. I met Andy not too long after that. He found out about the cutting about a year after we became friends. He has a hero complex and was convinced he could save me. He's still trying to tell the truth. I mean I cut for a different reason now,but I still do it. I just can't stop, and now he has Jack trying to help and I feel so bad when I try not to cut and slip. Like I let anyone down and......."she's sobbing by this point, almost to the point of a panic attack and I'm in shock. Who knew that Jennifer,a girl that seems so strong, was so weak? That she cut herself like I do. I pull her into a hug and rub soothing circles into her back until she calmed down. "So do you understand why I need him so much now, why we're so close,"she asks. "Yes I do." And then because she was brave enough to tell me her secrets I decide to show her mine. I sigh and pull up my sleave to reveal the scars from my four years of my secret shame.
5/19/13