I cut myself with knives and pens

I felt a small shake on my shoulders, but tried to ignore it since I really didn’t want to get up. Why is anyone here anyway? I purposely chose the spot people are least going to find me. I couldn’t open my eyes, I didn’t want to wake up until I was in heaven, I don’t believe in all that Christian shit but you know what I’m getting at.
“Hello? Are you okay?” I heard a deep voice ask as the shakes on my shoulders got more violent. I recognised that voice, but it couldn’t be. That would be impossible, that would literally be better than heaven, better than death. And for me at this point in time, was a big deal.
I had to open my eyes; I needed to see the man before me. My eyelids slowly pulled apart and I could see a blurry outline of a slim man in front of me. My vision started to become less blurry and I could work out from the little bits of detail.
He had black hair, shaved at the sides and pushed back. He had quite pale skin and bright blue eyes. He had a lip and a nose piercing. He had tattoos all down his arms and I noticed some underneath his T-shirt. He had nicely shaped cheek bones and pointy eyebrows. He looked…perfect!
He was perfect. Because the man standing before my eyes was my hero, the man who’s wise words and perfect voice could convince me to put the razor down.
This man was Andy Biersack.
“Phew, I thought you weren’t going to wake up” He said, a small smile creeping onto his stunning face.
“I…I…is it really you? You’re Andy, your Andy Biersack? This can’t be happening”
“Why? Are you a fan?” He asked, starting to blush. I nodded slightly and motioned to my hoodie. It had a BVB wings logo on it.
“I never noticed” I smiled when he said that. “Are you okay? Your bleeding everywhere.”
That was a big brick-to-the-face back to reality. I suddenly burst out into a thousand tears.
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. Tell me what’s happened” This shocked me.
“Why would you want to listen to my sad, pathetic story?” He smiled and grabbed my hand.
“Anything for a fan in need of help”
I told him everything. Something about him just made me trust him. I told him about me getting diagnosed with depression, having an eating disorder, having suicidal thoughts, getting an addiction to both drugs and alcohol and the whole thing with James and my friends. It felt so much better telling someone my feelings and secrets, stuff I haven’t told anyone. And it felt as if he was really listening.
After a moment of silence after I told him, he wiped the tears from my face and grabbed both of my hands. He pulled me up onto my feet and threw me into a hug. This was the best feeling ever. I have never felt like this before.
“Baby, don’t cut. You’re a beautiful girl Rhian and you deserve so much better than James. He’s a dick. Take my advice. Go home and bandage up these cuts. Then go to the hospital and get them checked out. They could be badly infected. After that, phone Beth, or Storm. Or you could phone your mum if you wanted. You don’t have to tell them anything, but just talking might make you feel better. Please, stay strong. If I see you again at a concert or in the streets or anywhere, I want to see no fresh cuts. Rhian, don’t say nobody loves you, because I do. I love my fans; my fans are amazing, just like you.”
I couldn’t speak. He kissed me on my forehead. He being so tall makes me feel normal. I’m taller than all my friends and I’m the same size as James, who is known for being quite tall. But Andy makes me feel like a normal girl.
Well every good moment comes to an end. Eventually Andy had to run home.
“Wait! Andy! Before you go…why were you walking through here? This park is abandoned, no one ever comes here anymore”
Andy stared me in the eye.
“I used to come here after school as a kid. It was the only place people didn’t bully me”
And with that, he walked of.
I had to go home, I had to hold on and stay strong, because no matter what happens, Andy loves me.

Notes

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