I cut myself with knives and pens

I took one step out my door and my whole body started to tremble, my hands were quivering and my legs felt numb. But I couldn’t turn back. Not now. I lifted my other leg and placed it in front of the first one. I kept repeating this until eventually it felt as if I was walking, then suddenly, out of now where, came a run, a massive speedy run. It was as if my legs knew exactly where to go, they just needed my brain to catch up. I ran past a few people I recognised, ignoring them asking me questions:
“What’s up?”
“Where are you going?”
“Are you alright?”
I couldn’t answer. I had tears in my eyes and I could feel all my mascara and eyeliner dripping down my cheeks. I finally got to the park and sat under the skater ramps. This was my favourite park as a kid, but now it’s abandoned. I sat alone looking at the park. It used to be so lively.
I remember when I was just 11; I used to come here every night with my friends. Me, storm and the other girls would sit on the swings and talk while watching the boy’s show of on their boards. I used to get bullied at school for having a British accent, since that’s where I was from originally. But now I’ve started to get an American one. But at the park, no one was bitchy or horrid or anything like that. They were some of the best days of my life.
I wish I could go back there. I loved it then. Now I didn’t want to live, I honestly didn’t. I reached into my pocket and I pulled out a knife. I had brought it for protection, but now the only thing I wanted it for was the opposite.
I dug it into my wrist, not to deep but deeper than I usually do it. I did it all over my body. Most weren’t deep, but the odd few on my wrists where. I did small cuts all over though, even over top of other cuts and scars. I was eventually a bleeding mess. I lay down and closed my eyes. It felt so good, so good to feel this dead. To feel virtually nothing, not even the ground below me.
This good feeling left when I felt a hand shake my shoulder. But I was greeted by a better feeling.

Notes

Sorry for the short chapter, but trust me, next chapters going to be an exciting part of the story. Feel like this stories not going anywhere but it will do soon
Im so exited for this next chapter I think I'll update it tonight