I cut myself with knives and pens

I sat in my bed. It was nice to be home from the hospital. I had Drag me to the grave blaring out my speakers and a bottle of whiskey in my hand. I decided to take no notice from the doctors.
"I would highly advice you to be taking no alcohol or dangerous substances for etleast the next three months"
fuck that
"You shouldn't listen to anything to loud, or use headphones"
oh well
"And I suggest you don't spend to much time alone. This is for your mental health"
see that's the problem. Doctors think they know everything! If they think they know how to cure mental problems by using the most well known methods but no how it helps that certain individual.
I sat staring out my window into the night, there were no clouds and the moon was gigantic. Stars lit up the sky and have the street a nice mystical glow.
i took another gulp from my bottle when I felt something weird happening to my body. My stomach suddenly started burning like someone had dropped a match down my throat.
I got up onto my feet and suddenly felt something coming up. I was going to rush to the toilet but I didn't have time. My mouth was forced open and blood came splashing onto my carpet. I collapsed to my knees and hands and more blood came flooding out of my body. That must be the reason I was told not too drink. After I thought I was finished I walked over to the bathroom. I looked at the reflection staring at me from the mirror. Pale, skinny, ugly. You have no idea how tempted I was to reach out for my razor and just cut my throat. I lifted my razor up and started from my wrist, like usual. Then I went all up my arms and all down my legs, all over my stomach, as far as I could reach in my back, up mou shoulders and along my collar bones, starting to cut my neck at the bottom.
*bang bang* I heard someone knocking at the door. I couldn't cover all of this up...but it's dark they may not notice. I went to the door, in nothing but a pair of stocking, shirt tight skirt and studded bra. I opened it up to see a shock of my life. Ashley Purdy was stood outside my house.
"hey are you Rian?" He asked
i stared at him, still shocked.
"your...your Ashley Purdy! Ashley Abrocket Purdy! Bassist from Black Veil Brides" I was trying to get my head around all this. "I am Rian"
"great! I got the right house then! okay so we heard about you going into hospital and we hope you got our little get well soon token the other week.."
"wait that was you?" I was taken aback by all this
"yep! That was us. Andy told us about him finding you alone in a park. Thought maybe I could pay you a visit?"
I was so excited! Ashley was asking to come in my house! I was so excited I totally forgot myself and let him in without thinking...I need to cover my cuts. He stepped into my living room and I ran up the stair. I got to the top and pulled in a pair of skinny jeans and a fluffy jumper. this covered up most of them.
i went back down the stairs to see Andy was also there. I stopped dead in my tracks, they were born staring at me.
then it happens. The not feeling came back and blood came out my mouth. I was throwing up more blood. Andy sped up the stairs towards me and I collapsed on him. Be held me right as more blood came out. I felt bad for getting it on him but I couldn't help it. More and more blood. My jumper and Joggers were totally covered and so was all andys clothing. After I had stopped I felt him pick me up bridal style and carry me up stairs. He switched on the bedroom light to see blood all over the carpet! Shit! His strong arms lowered me into my bed as he put his hands on my jumper.
"you can't stay in this" he said
"no" I protested but was too weak to stop him. He pulled my jumper off revealing all my cuts. I was literally a bloody mess!

Notes

Sorry it's been a while
Having a really hard time just recently