Razer blades and pencils

it had ben about a month sense the party and i had beryl talked to the band I was struggling i spent most of my days in my room i barley ate every day in stead of looking at my bvb walls i looked at my desk at the door that had my blades in it i had cut at lest once daily now but today was a monday and i wanted to get it over with.

I sat in my home etc class i had 4 more classes then i was done it was slinet we where taking a test I had my phone on my desk and one earphone in I was done and drawing on the back when ms.Coombs came in I look up as she says
"I need Chrissy she is going home for the day" I got up and checked the time on my phone carful not to prose the song that was playing witch was youth and whisky I grabbed my books and smiled a goodbye smile to ms.Rose.

I walked to my locker and garbed my messenger back then I hummed youth and whisky all the way to the office the desk lady told me to go out to the parking lot where my parents where I pull out my phone because it was now playing a song I did not like so I changed it to god bless you I was standing at the edg of the side walk when I looked up and saw the tour bus for black veil brides they where talking to my parents.

I let out a small cry and slowly and carefully to them making sure that they did not see me then I garbed Andy form behind and yelled
"SNEACK ATTACK"
he jumped and I let go and walked in front of him and we hugged then i hugged the rest of the band my parents left and we went on the bus I pulled my leather jacket selves down to hide the bandages on my wrist I now kept a blade in my phone behind the batteries

we sat down inside and Henry the bus driver started driving
"oh my god what are you guys doing here" I said
"well we haven't herd form you in a while and we thought we might drop in and check on you it was Henrys idea." Jinxx said I looked down and fiddling with my phone listing to die for you
I felt there eyes on my and I looked up
"what" I said Andy put his arm around me and pulled me close
"are you okay" Andy asked
"yeah im just tired" I said almost too quit for anyone to here.
"really because your parents said that you have ben spending every day in your room for the past month that dose not say im fine that screams something is wrong" Andy said
I closed my eyes and let the words of die for you fill my head i felt at peace till I felt someone roll up the sleeve of my jacket

my eyes burst open and I ripped my arm away form Andy and pulled my selve down I was not ready to talk about what was bothering me i did not know what was bothering me I did not want them to know they would tell my parents and then there would be therapy and consoling and pills and just bad things that I was not ready for
"Chrissy plz whats wrong" Ashely asked
"I would kind of like to know that as well" I said looking down at my phone
"but why why do you do it" Andy asked
"because it helps" I said
"Chrissy it dose more bad then good and your smart enough to know that" Jake added
andy went on about how i needed to stop and how i can get help and how there are better ways to find relies but i tuned him out and listened as lost it all played i released how i felt like i had lost it all and how my back was agents the wall how i was trying to breath trying to figure out
"who can save me now" I whispered then I got an idea I pulled my messenger bag over and got my sketch book out and a pencil and started to draw eve black form the legion in black I drew her in the hospital room on her bed but I was there to we where drawing the same picture.
"what are you doing" Andy asked
"what" I said looking up form my drawing
"did you here anything I just said" Andy asked
"no I was thinking about something else" I said he smiled
"and what was that" he said
"just stuff about things" I said starting my drawing again
"what makes you happy" CC asked
"sitting in my room drawing with my music playing way to loud" I said
"something you can do with other people"CC added
"i don't know" I said not really giving it much thought
"come on Chrissy there has to be something what was the last thing you did with Raven and Kendra" Andy asked
"uh a we went to water world a week ago" I said as recruit the sun started
"how about we go to elite's then that will be fun" Andy said
' what ever floats your boat" I said
"it dose not matter what i want we are trying to make you happy" Andy said I was not really listing and he got that and finaly stoped talking to me then we got to that amusment park and i dreaded having to spend the day outside and moving and stuff i just wanted to sit in my missyer

Notes

so yeah i do this sometime just spend days sitting in my room in my own sadnees but i like it becuse i listin to bvb the howl time