Sanctuary

I had to leave. I just got this news, and as much as I loved my family, I didn't want to comfort them right now. Andy and I got in his car, and left to his house. Andy's parents died a few years ago. So he's always had the house to himself. I followed him into the dark house, neither of us speaking. I closed the door behind me, and took his jacket for him. I didn't know what to do. My safe world had come crashing down again. I knew it wouldn't have been long before we had another assignment, but I never expected the Birdcage. I realized I was standing in another one of my spacing it trances. It happens. I looked around for Andy, as he was no longer beside me, and finally heard him in the kitchen. He was leaning over on the counter, with his head in his hands. No one could ever understand what he had to go through on the last Birdcage assignment. I'm not sure he's mentally ready to go through it again. I walked behind him and slipped my arms around his slender waist, and laid my head on his back, and listened for his steady breathing.
My sanctuary.
"I need a cigarette."
Me too, babe. I took that as the hint to go get his cigarettes and a lighter, so I quickly walked back to his room to go get them. When I brought back the small white stick and his lighter he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek before striking the flame. I knew what he was thinking, so I finally just said it.
"It's going to be harder this time. You can't space out again."

"I won't."

"Your eyes are already trailing off. You've got to keep yourself in reality."

"I know that, Jayelle. I can figure that out without you nagging me." He took a long drag from his cigarette.

"Whatever."
I looked down at my feet then back up at him, to see his bright blue eyes rimmed in black looking back at me. Not saying anything for a few seconds. I can't fucking stand that.

"What??"

"Just looking at your eyes."

"well quit. "
He sighed and put out his cigarette, walking over to me, and lifted me up to set me on the counter. He stood between my legs and ran his thumb over the long, deep white scar that ran down my face, through my left eye. That particular injury blinded me, taking my left eye out that couldn't be saved. I wear a plain white glass eye now, I was always a bit self conscious of it. He kissed my forehead and in response I leaned down and laid my head on his shoulder, while he ran his fingers through my hair. I always found that very soothing. In that moment, everything was perfect. I closed my eyes with my face in his neck, and let myself enjoy the moment. I finally raised myself back up and let my lips sync with his for a few seconds, then jumped down from the counter, with his hand in mine, and walked with him to the bedroom. I crawled into the king size bed, pulling him with me. I gave him one last kiss on his jaw, and crawled as close to him as I could, and laid my head on the pillow to sleep. I didn't realize how tired I was. A few minutes later I heard Andy's breathing slow down and get heavier, signaling me that he was asleep. I was almost asleep when I realized we were both still in our church clothes and me still in heels. Then to realize it was only 7pm. I didn't care. We can only hope tomorrow is an easier day.

Notes

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