Feeder.

*Ashley’s POV*
Kia stood completely still, staring wide eyed at the wall of mirrors facing her. I stood a few feet behind her, staring at her in the mirrors as she let out a long shaky breath, her chin quivering slightly. She walked slowly towards the horizontal bar that ran the length of the wall. She stepped up onto the big oak floor we installed, her face void of any expression. A sudden pang of worry hit me, She didn’t look happy. Not like I expected. She walked past Andy, eyes straight forward as she reached out to wrap her hands around the slender wood bar. She gripped it hard, her knuckles turning white, She moved her hands back && forth on the bar for a good few minutes, all the while looking at herself in the mirror.

In that time, Andy, CC && Jake left, walking quietly back up the stairs. Jinxx && I stood back, watching intently as she let the bar go && walked across the floor. She walked to the wardrobe && opened it, throwing it open wide in a swift moment, as if she was scared that someone or something was hiding inside. She gasped quietly, rubbing her right hand lightly over her flat stomach as she used her left to touch all the different leotards, leggings && dance dresses we had picked for her.

She stopped moving, wrapping her arms tightly around herself as she reached the end of the selection. She had found them. Reaching forward, she grasped them tightly, pulling them from the hanger. She clutched them to her chest && walked to the chair we had placed in the corner closest to the wardrobe. She sat down, slouching as she held her old ballet shoes. She looked at them intently, like she looking into the face of her friend. I saw a tear run down her face, she sniffled slightly.

I walked across the floor towards her, kneeling in front of her feet. I put my hands on her knees && looked up at her, she didn’t even see me. She didn’t even know I was there, she had gone to a different world. “Kia?” I whispered. She looked up at me, blinking herself back to reality. “ Are you alright?” I asked. She nodded slowly, rubbing her finger over the tattered edge of the shoe. She swallowed hard, looking back && forth between me && the shoe.

“It’s.. uh.. It’s just been a long time.. I didn’t know you had them.. I thought they were lost” her voice was barley audible. I smiled at her, wiping a tear from her cheek with my thumb.

“Andy kept them.” I told her quietly, the moment seemed too delicate for anything more than a whisper. She nodded, looking around the room again, her eyes settled on the music station we had set up for her, a stereo && a set of huge speakers sat next to a tower full of CDS. “We weren’t sure what all music to get, I have some money set aside to pick you up any other albums you want.”She nodded to me, but didn’t actually look at me, her eyes fluttered across the room.

“Kia.” I said, she snapped her eyes to me, waiting expectantly for me to speak.” Are you happy? Did we make you happy?” She nodded again, a small smile creeping onto her face. “Promise?” She nodded again, wiping her eyes as little tears started to pool in them. She inhaled sharply, making a adorable squeak noise as she lunged forward to hug me. It wasn’t just a hug, it was a clinging, desperate hug,. She cried into my shoulder && I wanted to hug her forever, to hold her close forever. Then I remembered. "Is Jinxx gone?” I whispered.

“Yes, He left a while ago” Her voice shook. Relief washed over me && I held her back, her waist feeling tiny compared to my big hands. She had never hugged me before. I had carried her in my arms countless times, I held her hand on occasion too, but she had never hugged me. Her whole body was pressed against mine, her hands holding onto wrinkles in my leather jacket. Butterflies pounded into the sides of my stomach. “Thank you, Ash.. You don’t know.. You have no idea” She sobbed..

I shushed her, rubbing small circles in her back as she cried.

I let her cry for a few minutes, then chucking, I pushed her away from me a little. “You’re suppose to be happy. Stop crying baby “ I smiled at her. She wiped her face with her hands, tugging at her eyes as she smiled, laughing a little.

“ I am happy.. I’m just.. emotional.. I don’t know.. “ She laughed. Standing up, she grabbed her shoes && walked to the floor before sitting down && pulling her socks off, she stretched both her legs out in front of her && started to untie the knot in the ribbons on her shoes. She looked up at me though her long curls, smiling hugely. I watched as she slipped on her shoes && laced them up around her calves. She laid down onto her back, lifting her feet into the air && crossedher ankles, her toes pointing straight to the sky, She just looked up at them, before lowering them to her sides, doing a perfect split, the tops of her feet touching the wood. She did this for a while, lifting && lowering her feet for what felt like an hour, the while time she never stopped smiling. I watched her the whole time, my eyes never leaving her body. I sat in the chair In the corner of the room my legs thrown of the sides as I leaned forward against the backward chair.

I was content just to watch her, to see this beauty in it’s natural habitat. Kia was unlike anything I had ever seen before. Even in my horrible discomfort the first night I saw her, I knew I would never see anyone as beautiful as her. I can’t ever forgive myself for what I have done to her. I literally carried her into this hell && I spend every day trying to make up for it.

She absolutely intrigues me, she is such a different person from anyone I had ever met. She is happy && sad, prideful && humble, innocent && knowing, all at once. && I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never fully know her.

She speaks in a cute little accent, like the one you hear on tv, but not all annoying. She has quirky little habits, she brushes her teeth for exactly 2 minutes && 17 seconds every night, without fail. When she cant sleep, she rubs the top of her feet together an even number of times, adding 2 more each time till she eventually falls asleep. She loves old cut classics, like’ Rocky horror’ && ‘Clockwork orange’ &&sad, deep movies like ‘Girl, Interrupted’&& ‘Donnie Darko’. Her favorite color is black because to her it’s mature && sexy && playful all at once.&& Her favorite song is ‘Where is my mind’ by Yoav && Emily Browning. He favorite food is hibachi grilled pork && fried rice && she loves sour candies, but if she wants chocolate it has to be a Kit Kat cause she thinks Hershey's chocolate tastes like vomit. It's all of these weird little things about her that have just totally captivated me, that && her sheer beauty. She is amusing && funny && smart && yet she's so so sad.

She can laugh for 10 minutes over nothing && She can cry for hours. && any emotion she is feeling, you can feel, just by looking at her.

I hate myself for her being here, I selfishly stole her whole life. I’ve watched this beautiful, innocent, young girl be beaten at the hands of my band mates. I’ve watched Andy feed from the inner thigh as she hid her face in the couch pillow && cried.

I wanna save her, I wanna take her home && erase these past 6 months from her memory. But on the same hand, I don’t. Because I’m falling for her, && I want to have her forever. In the past 6 months, I've lived for my nights && days with Kia.

Notes