Belive You Me

Ash’s POV


The moment Jinxx said he wanted to talk about Bass parts I was suspicious. Jinxx doesn’t usually talk to me about my parts, CC and me tend to do most of our work together and then Jake talks to us and we make it all fit together nicely.I played down my suspicion and followed him to the side room. Once we were in there and the door was shut he said, “Whatever you and CC talked about before you left, put him in a shell for a while. Once you left, he was the quietest we’ve ever seen him be in a long time.”

I sighed. Damn it. Jinxx notices everything and if he doesn’t, Jake does. “CC and I had a conversation and things were said. I had to get some air to see how I really felt about what we talked about.”

“And?” he asked.

“I’m confused, unsure and well straight out worried.”

“I overheard what you were talking about Ash. I love you just the way you are and if you really do like CC, I want you two to be together. You guys are good for each other.”

“I know we are. Y’know when I was in a coma? I had created an alternate universe in my head (the doctor said this was normal) and well CC and I dated. When CC slept, he would go to the same dream place so he remembers us dating. That’s why he wants us to be together again. I want the same but I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of Ash?”

“I’m scared of getting hurt, I don’t want to hurt the band, I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want him to hurt Me.” I said softly.

He hugged me and held me tightly. “Ash, CC wont hurt you. He could be one of the best things that will ever happen to you. Please just take a chance on him. It wont hurt the band. You’ll just have to work things out. It’ll all work out, I swear. You need him. I see it in your eyes Ash. You need someone and he needs someone too.”

“Jinxx, I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I’m asking of you.” he said then smiled. He patted my shoulder then opened the door.

“So I see what you meant with that one part. I’ll go over it again and see if it needs to be changed any further.” I said as we walked back into the main part of the studio.

I sat down on the couch next to CC and whispered, “we need to talk.” He nodded.

Internally, I was shitting a brick, having a cow and about to break down from stress and panic. Externally, I looked bored. It was around four when we all called it a day and went our separate ways. I managed to get out and leave before CC could stop me. The LA traffic made it hard to get home fast but I dealt with it. Once I was home, I parked in the garage and went in.

I wasn’t hungry but I knew I had to eat. Forcing some food down, I then went and took a shower. It wasn’t even seven and I was bored and slightly tired. Deciding to work on some designs, I liked what I came up with and sent them to have a proto type made. By the time it was 11, I was ready for bed but a ringing of the doorbell stopped me. Going downstairs, I checked through the peephole. It was CC. Greeeaaattt. And he saw
The light turn on so he knows I’m awake. Fuck my luck. I wanted to talk to him but I was scared.

He knocked again and said, “Ash I know you’re there. Please open the door.”

I took a deep breath and opened the door. He gave me a small smile and then I let him in. I walked to the couch and he followed me.

“You wanted to talk?” he said. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

“Look Ash, I know you’re scared. I see it in your eyes. I’ve also seen what’s been posted on the Internet and I know your little quirks you use when you’re upset. Remember, I remember the alternate universe. I remember your suicide attempt and the cutting and the eating disorder. I remember it all. I don’t want that reality of those things to happen in our reality.” He said softly.

I refused to make eye contact with him as I said, “I know you remember. I remember too. For the last two years, I’ve had nightmares of my attempt and the beatings those kids gave me. I learned the ‘lesson’ Natalie gave us. I respect women now I value things more. That doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle.”

“I know you struggle Ash. I’ve seen it and I want to help you. I want to hold you. I want you to be mine. I want to wake up in the morning with you in my arms and not have to worry about anything else just yet.” he said as he picked up my hand.

“I’m scared CC. They already send me hate. I don’t want to cause more reasons. I’ve tried to be the best person I can be and they seem to hate it. I changed my ways and they still hate me. I’m not a whore and they all think I Am.” I said with tears filling my eyes.

I was frustrated. I wanted to be with CC but I also was too afraid. My breathing became shallow and I started to panic. Cue panic attack. CC instantly held me and did everything he could to calm me down. It wasn’t working. I was too worked up. He sang to me, rocked me back and forth and did everything he could. None of it worked. My vision blurred and I ultimately passed out in his arms.

CC’s pov


The moment Ash said he wanted to talk, I knew he had put some thought into us. I wasn’t surprised when he left quickly; I could see him driving himself up a wall. Andy and the others weren’t as worried as I was because they didn’t know him like I did. I mean, they knew him longer but did they truly know how he thought. Did they even know he had panic attacks on occasion?Ash and I have built a strong friendship in the last few years. We love to party and we love what we do (as musicians).

I haven’t had a strong friendship like I do with him in a long time. He’s one of my best friends. Andy and the other’s are like my brothers but Ash, Ash I like. I love how he is always taking care of his appearance. He’s a perfectionist but not a manic one. I love how he takes pride in his appearance. Other rock and roll guys are dirty, filthy and jerk but Ash isn’t. He keeps himself clean and still has the rock and roll vibe.

Ash may looks a little female but he makes it work. It’s him. I don’t care about that. I care about his personality, how he cares about what he loves and his passion about it. After the falling of the stage light, which I remember fully in detail, Ash went into his coma and I remember each and every day as he was out and in the dream world.

I watched in slow motion as it fell on him and he then fell to the stage floor. The crowd shrieked and the music cut of instantly. I hoped over my drums by the time Jinxx and Jake had handed their guitars over. Andy simply put his mic on the stand but I was to Ash’s side in a heartbeat. Jake and Jinxx lifted the light off of him but he remained out cold. I held his hand and whispered, “come on Ash, come on. Don’t die on me. Don’t die on me. Wake up, wake up Ash.” Andy had taken his bass, which was now destroyed. Thinking back, I find it ironic that it was his Porn bass.

The tech guys all stood along the edge of the stage so no one could take pictures of Ash. Paramedics were immediately taking him away. I was about shitting myself as they pulled him into the ambulance. Jinxx looked at me and just knew. He knew I liked Ash. And for the next two years, he saw all the glances I gave Ash. Every time Ash looked like hell, Jinxx saw me yearning to make it all good, so when he heard Ash and I’s conversation earlier, I knew he knew for sure.

So the two hours later when Ash returned, I wasn’t surprised that Jinxx wanted to talk to him. So when Ash said he wanted to talk, I knew he was probably panicking a little bit. I saw it in his posture and his eyes. So doing what I knew would be smartest was to wait until it was later to go over to talk to him.

We talked for a while until he started to have a panic attack. I did all that I could for him but he ultimately passed out. Checking his pulse, I found it was normal. Scooping him up off the couch, I carried him up stairs to his bed. I placed him in his bed and covered him by his blankets. As I started to walk away he mumbled softly, “Please stay.”

“One moment then, let me turn the lights off.” he mumbled something incoherent and was soon asleep again. Taking a moment, I took my shoes, beanie, belt and jacket off before turning off the lights downstairs and making sure nothing was left on. Once I had crawled into the bed, he cuddled right into my side and was out like a light.

I took my phone out and took a picture of him before making sure it was on vibrate and setting it on the side table. I let sleep come to me and was soon drifting asleep.

Notes

hi guys! i know i'm terrible! I have not updated in over 2 months! 0; I started school and rehearsals for my school play. so like pretty much if I'm not at school, I'm doing homework or whatever my family makes me do.


please, please, please review! let me know what you think! I know not getting reviews anymore is a thing but its really disappointing. I loved talking to you all in the comments but that doesn't happen anymore ):

I'm going to try and update soon again! (: until then stay strong and never back down!
~Ash