When Two Villains Meet.

Ferris walked in with Puma in his hands.
He liked the little lady, never complained, never made a mess. He walked past the couch to the kitchen. Andy was sitting on the couch with a map and all kinds of notebooks.
Audrey was sitting next to him with her laptop. "Look if we go by bus we can go to the museum of peforming arts." Andy leaned back and raised an eyebrow.
"By bus?" She rolled her eyes.
"Oke, fine we'll go by plane."
"Private jet."
She looked up. "You have a private jet?" He smiled and nodded. She sighed. "Look, I don't know where we're gonna go, you want to go to museums and shit and I wanna go to clubs and concerts." She rubbed her eyes.
He sighed too and looked at his notepad. They made a list of places they would want to go, Audrey even wanted to go to France.
Ferris walked in with a small tray on his left hand and Puma in his right. He walked over to a chair close to the coffee table and put the tray on a corner that Andy didn't use. He sat down with Puma on his lap.
"Hey Ferris? Where do you think is more fun, the Netherlands or France?" Audrey asked and took a chocolate out of a cup that was on the tray.
He thought for a second. "Well, Andy used to go to the Netherlands when-"
"Ferris." Andy looked at him with wide eyes and shook his head.
Ferris leaned back. "France is fine." He smiled.
Audrey looked at Andy and frowned. "What did you do in there?"
She looked at Andy who had a hard time to hold his laugh. He was leaning over the map, focusing on nothing.
Audrey pushed his shoulder. "Andy Smith what did you do in the Netherlands?" Andy leaned back with a smile. "Look it's not that big of a deal, I was just on vacation and it got a little out of hand." He chuckled at his memories.
Ferris sighed. He remebered that mess and he had to clean it all up.
Audrey smiled. "Tell me."
He shook his head and got back to his notepad. "Come on, tell me!" She laughed.
Andy leaned back again. "Promise you won't get mad."
She sighed and turned the T.V volume down. She leaned back and looked at him again.
"I promise."
He sighed and thought. "Well, when I was 21 I thought I would die alone, so my plan was do as much as possible and commit suicide when I become 30."
She looked at him. "Great future plan." She muttered.
He rolled his eyes. "So I went to Amsterdam, did almost everything and everyone. Then there was this one girl who was incredibly hot and I thought well I gotta have her." Audrey's face stiffened a little and she looked at her nails.
"Then we got drunk and had one of these fake weddings and one thing lead to another and let's say we burned a club down." He laughed.
She looked at him. "You had a wedding?!"
He sighed and raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's what you took from that? It's not a big deal, it was fake like the ones in vegas."
Audrey's eyes widened.
"You know those weddings are legit right?"
He looked at her. "Sorry what?"
Ferris eyes widened to and took a sip from his tea, pretending her was not there.
"Oh my god! How can you be so stupid!" She sat up on her knees.
"Hey wow, you promised!"
"I thought drugs not a marriage with a stripper!" Andy stood up. "I'll fix this alright! It's not a big deal." He rubbed his neck.
The only thing his mind said was shit shit shit shit shit shit.
She stood up and walked towards him. "You will fix this because I'm not gonna travel with a guy who is married to a stripper."
"Prostitute." Ferri coughed.
Audrey's face became slightly red. "A PROSTITUTE?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" Andy walked to the kitchen. He couldn't even remember her name, how is he supposed to divorce her without her?
He took a glass of water and downed it. Audrey leaned with her hands on the counter."You're sudge a dipshit." She shighed. He didn't answer, only shook his head.
"Okey, new plan. We are going to FUCKING Amsterdam and then we are going to find this FUCKING hooker who you FUCKING MARRIED and then we'll go to france and we'll think from there. Now you get the private jet ready and we leave tomorrow you FUCKING SHITHEAD!" She stormed of. Andy rolled his and rubbed his face.
He should've never told that story.

Audrey threw the door open and looked under the bed to search for a suitcase.
Andy is married.
Andy is fucking married.
The guy is married! The words repeated in her head. She found one black suitcase and threw it open on the bed. She walked over to the closet.
She kissed married man. Oh god she kissed a married man. She grabbed all of her clothes in one big hug and threw it in the suitcase.
"Don't do that, darling." She turned to the door while she closet the suitcase, who still had some sleeves and what not sticking out.
"Do what? I'm not leaving him, oh no, he will clean this mess himself for ones." She dropped to her knees and started looking under the bed again.
Ferris put Puma down on the floor and she jumped on the bed. He leaned against the doorframe.
"Darling, just throw him a bone for ones. He changed so much for you, did you know that he can't stay in a room with more than 3 people or he'll go nuts?"
Audrey stood up with a bag in her hand. "Really?" She looked down.
Ferris nodded. "He told me he was so proud of himself he didn't kill anyone when you took him to the mall." She chuckled, but her smile soon faded. "Still he's fucking married Ferris."
She sighed. "He did meth, heroin and had jack Daniels for breakfast, he didn't know it was real and if it was real he couldn't care less because he tought he would die alone, until you showed up." She looked up again.
"He stopped working in the lab for you because you didn't like animal cruelty." He smiled at her. She placed the bag on the bed.
"Fine, fine, I won't get angry, but he's still married and we have to do something about that." She walked to the drawers and opened them.
She got all her bras and underwear out and threw them in the bag. Ferris rolled his eyes and walked away.
"Thank you, by the way, for everything." She smiled.
Ferris smiled too and walked down the stairs with Puma who followed him.
He walked to the kitchen and saw Andy spinning on a barchair and pouting like a little kid.
"Go up there, it's safe."
He smiled and shot up. "Thank you Ferris , you're the best." He ran out the kitchen and up the stairs. Ferris sat down and chuckled.
"Kids..." He shook his head.

***

Audrey took another sip from her wine.
"Hey, it's my turn!" She said drunkely and looked on the map. "Okey, I choose Japan." Andy snickered and put the Jack bottle to his lips.
"Dance my little Hello Kitty, dance!" He laughed.
Audrey wrote Japan on the list and took another sip. "Okey, your turn." She gave the map and notepad to Andy. "Okey, uhm... I choose....Greece!"
He took another shot and choughed.
She laughed. "Really? Greece?" He nodded. "What? It has the The Acropolis Museum." He laughed with the biggest grin.
She rolled her eyes and slopely poured some Jack in her wine bottle. The colour turned to some brown-ish beer colour.
"You know, even when I was that angry, I still wouldn't leave you." She took a huge sip and swallowed. He spinned on the barchair.
"Oh really? You're that slutty that you will stay with a married man in his own house?"
He giggled and coughed a little afterwards.
She hit him playfully on the shoulders. "Well my good man, you may not know this, but I never got attached to the men I slept with, couldn't keep a relationship longer than a month." He raised his eyebrows. "Well, I feel honored my lady." He took her hand and kissed the back of it. She smiled and took another sip from her wine-Daniels.

"Where are we exactly, Andy?" She looked down and took her hand back.
Andy sat straight up. "I don't know Audrey, in the kitchen where the booze never runs out!" He threw his arms in the air.
Audrey leaned wit her chin on the counter. "You know what I mean." She muttered. He got quiet and did the same. "I don't know, we're bestfriends with a lot of benefits or we're just spot on living together." She laughed and sat up.
"Yeah, we never even had a date or anything." She played with her wine glass and looked a little sad, but still smiling.
"Audrey bla bla Hellings, would you like to put up with my weirdness and have dirty, disgusting sex with me?" He grabbed her hands and kissed the back of both of them.
She nodded.
"Sure, as long as you stay the freak that you are and will still flirt with me when I'm 40." He chuckled and pecked her lips.
He stood up and grabbed her by the waist. She yelled and laughed when he threw her over his shoulder and carried her upstairs. "Wha-Andy! What are you doing?!" Her stomach hurt from laughing. He carried her up the stairs.
"We are gonna have dirty disgusting sex and have cigarettes after." She let herself hang.
"I am so down with that." She laughed.

Notes

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