Recollection

The next week was a whirlwind. I had my cast removed and I returned to full time duty. Even though the doctor advised me to take it easy on constantly picking Hunter up, I still did.

I did it so I could avoid personal conversation with Ash at all costs. It wasn't that he ignored Punk, but he sure ignored me.

I called up Niki early one morning while the guys were out onstage performing, complaining that
I wanted to go home. But she disagreed with my thoughts and wishes.

"Why can't I go home?" I whined.

"You really want me to answer that?" Niki stated.

I went silent.

"Aut, you and Ashley need this time together.."

I cut her off by scoffing.

"Really Autumn?! The two of you have a little boy together and he's not going anywhere soon. He's quickly grown accustomed to having his daddy around. Hunter needs his daddy just as much as he needs his Mama."

She continued as I remained silent.

"I know it's hard with Ash's touring schedule but the two of you need to work together to give Hunter the best of a family life as possible. He's used to having that and it's also what you and Ashley need as well."

"A family life is the furthest thing Ashley needs right now!"

"How do you know?"

"I just know Niki, I fucked his life up by having Hunter. I don't regret having him at all! Don't think that, but Ashley..I just don't know anymore."

She tried reasoning with me not to leave the tour early but I'd hear nothing of it. I hung up with her and went in search of Anna.

I let Anna know that I wished to leave early and asked for advice in getting Punk and I home safely without any hitches.

She told me to leave the arraignments up to her. I just hoped Ashley would take the news without going overboard.

I waited until the guys were done and I asked Ash if I could speak with him.

He came over and I explained that Punk and I were leaving for home as soon as Anna made the arrangements.

He didn't seem too pleased and shrugged me off with a 'Whatever' and headed offstage. I decided to head back to the bus.

It hurt like hell as I watched each night as Ashley brought female fan after female fan onto the bus and partied hard.

It ached to see that but I tried not to let it show. Andy picked up on it more so than the other guys. Probably because Ash and I spent more time with him in the early years because of his young age.

He tried to get me to open up but I bit my tongue. I didn't need to bother him with my relationship issues.

The guys put on their show that night in Glasgow and we were in route to Manchester. I watched as nights previous, as Ashley brought yet another female onto the tour bus to party. I remained in the back lounge as usual to shut out the pain.

I had put Hunter to bed about forty minutes before and I was laying on the small air mattress listening to the music and ruckus from the front. No amount of dividers could shut out all the sounds. I laid there, torn and heartbroken. I was leaving the following day.

Anna had set up transportation for my son and I to leave Manchester, board and fly into Boston in the States. From Boston to Chicago, then onto L.A.

It hurt that I was leaving Ash behind, it hurt even more that Punk wasn't gonna be around his Daddy until he arrived back home. Punk adored his father and Ash was great with him, but we weren't getting along and I didn't want to interfere with his professional duties.

I pondered getting up and going to talk to Ashley but before I could Ashley came stumbling in, drunk as hell and slammed the door behind him.

"I wanna fuck!" he stated angrily.

"Go find one of your willing fans! How about the one in the front lounge?" I blasted.

"She's gone but if I could I probably would have! But tonight you'll have to do" he criticized.
I was taken aback at his words.

I found myself beneath his strong body squirming trying to get loose. His hands roughly pondered my body, ripping away parts of my clothes as he did.

I had never seen this dark side of him before and it terrified me. I couldn't get loose no matter which way I turned or twisted. He always remained one step ahead of me so I did the next best thing..

I screamed!

The guys came running and literally tore Ash from my body. It was a mess of 'what the fuck?', 'are you insane?' and a 'you're an asshole!' joined with Andy drawing off and nailing him a good one in the lower jaw.

Jinxx found the blanket which was thrown off to cover me where my shredded clothing used to be.

CC and Jon threw Ash in his bunk and remained there for surveillance. Jake took care of Punk who was wailing heavily at the commotion. Andy removed his shirt and threw it over to me.

They all turned so I could change and Andy stayed behind afterwards. The other guys scattered throughout the bus.

I was met with one hundred questions from him but I blew off each one until I finally erupted at the constant pecking.

I told him this was the first time ever that Ash ever pulled a stunt like this on me but it wasn't the first time it ever happened to me. I explained heavyhearted the night Declan's best friend, Tony, sexually assaulted me.

Tony and his girlfriend were invited over for a small get-together. We had them spend the night instead of driving drunk back through the streets of L.A. to their home.

Declan passed out in his recliner and Tony's girlfriend Amanda passed out in the guest bedroom.

I decided to go up to bed but never made it there. Tony cornered me on the stairs and raped me on the landing a few feet away from where both Dec and Amanda were sleeping. I let Declan know the next morning but was met with 'You're a liar and it's your own damn fault for being such a tease.'

By this time, Jake, Jinxx and CC joined Andy and I. Jon stayed put watching over a now passed out Ashley.

Andy pulled me into a tight embrace while I broke apart.

I don't know how long I sat there crying into Andy's shoulder before something inside just snapped.

I broke free of Andy's embrace and stormed out of the room right up to Ash's bunk. I pushed Jon out of the way and pulled back the curtain.

Ash was laying on his side, his back to me, dead to the world. I grabbed his side and forced him on his back. I climbed on top of him and began clawing at his clothes.

He came fully awake by this time.

I kept yelling "Is this what you want?" over and over while continuing to claw my way to bare skin.

I finally connected and left marks over his lower abdomen. He grabbed for my hands, I slapped them away while continuing to scream into his face.

"Autumn Aberyn Purcell!" he yelled. "Enough!"

I was stunned for a moment. I searched his face and was met with startling eyes. I collapsed in a crying heap on top of his chest.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." he held onto me tight, rocking me gently back and forth.

"I can't do this anymore! I can't stand the other girls. I can't stand you ignoring me!" I cried into his chest.

"Baby.."

"No!" I shook my head. "I need you Ashley! I Love You!"

And Ashley froze!

Notes