Intimate Secrets

Two hours or so after the torture of labor and delivery ended with the miracle birth of his daughter, Ash awoke in his bed, the covers pulled up to his waist. He could feel the waistband of his boxers against his skin under them, but knew they were the only article of clothing he wore after being cleaned up. He was still exhausted and a bit sore from shoving a baby out of his ass, but other than that, he felt like it was any normal day.

Looking around his room, he saw that the guys weren’t there, likely in various parts of the house entertaining themselves or napping, now that all was quiet. Sammi and Erica were nowhere to be found, either, so he figured they, too, were elsewhere in the house. It was then that he turned to look at the rocker sitting by his bedside and saw his lover, his daughter’s…other father, sitting there, gently cradling her as he rocked back and forth. He said nothing, didn’t even sing anything to her, as he rocked back and forth, just gazed down at her with the same loving look she returned while gazing up at him.

He didn’t have to ask to find out if Andy had gotten back into Jinxx’s good graces, as it was a silently agreed-upon matter that he wouldn’t be allowed to hold her until he did. Since he was holding their daughter, it was pretty obvious that he’d gotten back into their friend’s good graces, though he still had a bit of work to do to get back into his. One couldn’t take months of pain and heartbreak, all while carrying their child, and just let them back in without their doing anything to earn such an honor first.

“Ah, I see you’re awake,” Andy said, looking up at him. “You must still be exhausted, though.”

“I am, but I’m starting to get hungry,” he answered, nodding. “I’m sure Legacy is, too.”

“That’s what you decided to name her?” the younger man asked, moving to stand. “And I think she’s getting hungry, too. She’s been nuzzling at my chest the past ten minutes or so.”

“Legacy Aurora,” Ash told him, letting him gently hand her to him. “I haven’t decided whose surname she’ll take.”

“Mine,” he insisted. “I know I wasn’t there for you throughout your pregnancy, but it’s kinda hard to be when I didn’t even know about it. But between the love I hold for both you and Legacy, as well as my desire to be there for you guys now and do everything I can for you, I think she should get my surname. I mean, she already looks identical to you.”

“Andy, one can’t take months of pain and heartbreak, especially with the child of the one they love growing inside them, and just let them back in without their doing anything to earn it,” the bassist said, wincing as the baby he held latched onto his swollen, tender nipple.

“I know that. I was an idiot for ever giving Juliet a second chance; trust me, I know that.” He sighed heavily. “I also know that I was an idiot for hurting you, even if it was unintentional, and that I don’t even deserve to know I have a daughter.”

He merely sat there, listening intently as his lover spoke.

“Just the fact that I know I have a daughter tells me you wanted me to be a part of your lives to a degree. But I can’t be a part of your lives not knowing how you feel.”

“I’ve loved you pretty much since we met. I was always too scared to tell you because I thought you were straight.” Ash took a deep breath, glancing down at their daughter. “I wouldn’t accept your admission last summer in Denmark because one, I knew you feared you were gonna lose me, and two, I was already a month pregnant. I didn’t want that admission to be insincere or merely for the baby’s sake.”

“And for that I don’t blame you. But I tell you this now…Ashley Abrocket Purdy, you’ve been the sun my solar system revolves around since we met. I was too afraid to say anything because, based on your past man-whore ways, I thought you were straight. I finally had the courage to admit it while drunk, and wound up causing a whole other set of problems,” Andy told him, tears welling up as he spoke.

“I tried again when you finally woke from a coma, only to be turned down. I was hurting just as much as I hurt you, and was trying to make the pain go away any way I could. I know now that the only way to make that pain go away, and stay away, is to have you, and now our daughter, by my side. I ask, no, I beg you to at least give me a chance. If you choose not to, that’s up to you, but either way, I refuse not to be there for Legacy, to be a part of her life. Whether you take me or leave me, I’m going to be there for the two of you, come Hell or high water, or anything in between.”

Touched by his lover’s obviously sincere words, the bassist couldn’t help the tears that welled in his own eyes as a lump grew in his throat. He regretted keeping those intimate secrets from him for so long now, but what was in the past was water under the bridge. There was no sense in figuratively drowning himself in it now when he could be drowning himself in something far better: the love of Andy and their beautiful little daughter, born into a rock ‘n’ roll legacy without even knowing it.

“Andrew Dennis Biersack, you’ve proven your sincerity in both regards to me. I want you in not only Legacy’s life, but mine as well,” Ash said, tears streaming down his face. “I embrace you with open arms and an open heart.”

“Forever and always,” Andy murmured, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss over Legacy’s head.

“Always and forever,” he agreed, grinning at him when they parted.

Notes