From Shapeless To Breakable **COMPLETED**
Chapter 53: I Love You More Than I Could Ever Scream
Andy's P.O.V
I felt my anger growing wide.. Who did that to my baby? Why? The 'Scar' of her past? I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to protect her. Whoever he was, the man who raped her deserved to die! Because of him I wasn't allowed to touch my love, and no other men. But worse: Rebie would be scared of all men who approach her! She seemed so terrified, it was sad..
“Who?” I growled, she looked up at me, her eyes still teary. She seemed confused.
“Who did this to you?” she shook her head, trying to bury her face back in my chest.
“I wish I could kill him! Yes, a slow and painful death!” she didn't say anything, just remaining silent against me. At least she didn't push me away!
She has been raped? When? She was only 17! And it happened way before! How could someone want a girl that young? I sighed, still rocking her. If only I could take it away, making her forget about all that happened, but I couldn't.
I laid her on her bed and covered her with a blanket, I gave her a quick peck before walking off, leaving her asleep. I went to my room, that meant I would never have sex with her? I could certainly do it with someone else.. But I wanted her, and only her! She was my little Rebie, my love, my rebellion, my metalhead, my.. Well you get it. I didn't want to just fuck her, I wanted to make love, to show her how much I loved her.. But for now the best way to show her my love was to wait without pushing her where she didn't want to go...
Suddenly the truth hit me! That was the reason why she reacted so violently to hugs! It must remind her of her rape, of the physical and emotional pain she felt. She must have been terrified each time someone wanted to touch her! Oh my God!
I put my head in my hand, sitting on my bed. She really has been through hell, but she achieved to smile and act normal everyday! She said she couldn't trust anyone, that was normal! Who did this? Her dad?
No! It wouldn't fit the 'Lion King' story! It must have been her own 'Scar'.. But I wouldn't know more today, and honestly, I didn't really want to know more..
Rebekah's P.O.V
I woke up during the night, turning around I realized I was alone in the dark. Andy was gone. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why??
I wanted him to go farther, I wanted it since the first time I saw him almost naked! I wanted to know why girls liked sex, I wanted to know what was 'making love' and I knew Andy would have been patient and soft with me. But I would certainly never know it, how it feels. Because of my fear, I couldn't help my reactions. When I felt his hand under my shirt.. I automatically remembered the last hand who get there. I sighed, rolling in my bed. Why did this bastard had to take me everything? Killing my parents wasn't enough?
I would never be able to forget, to move on? I would never be able to keep Andy..? I knew he loved me, but he was a man and I was just half a woman.. Maybe even less. Maybe I should release him? Let him go to have someone that won't get afraid of his hug! He deserved better, he was so nice! I sighed again. Or else I should fight my fear... But I wasn't sure I was able to do it...
Later in the morning, the school called Jinxx and Sammi, they said they needed to talk and there may be a solution. Maybe they wanted me back, maybe they found out the truth.. But I didn't care. The only thing I could think about was Andy and I's relationship. Would it last? Now that he knew he will maybe never have sex with me, would he leave? Or would he stay, trying to force me into it? Would he be able to wait?
Too many question, not enough answers! We didn't talk since yesterday, maybe...? 'Okay, Rebekah stop! You need to calm down! You want to know if he avoids you? Then go talk to him!' I sighed for the thousandth time since I woke up.
“Rebie what's going on?” asked Jinxx, I could see the concern in his eyes. But I couldn't tell him, I still wondered if it was a good idea to tell Andy... I shook my head, not noticing the sigh that escaped my mouth.
“You're lying, something is bothering you... We'll talk about it later okay?” I nodded. He gave me a quick peck on the forehead before walking off. They went to my old school and I stayed here, still full of question.
I finally walked to Andy's room, I knocked but didn't earn any answer. I walked in to find him still fast asleep... 'You see? Paranoid! He couldn't talk to you!' I smiled at him, curled up around a pillow... He was so cute!
I sat on his bed and caressed his face and hair... He was so cute, he deserved someone less damaged and complicated than me.
“Rebekah?
-Yes Andy?
-Mmhmmhmmmmh” I smiled at his undefined mumbling. Once again, he talked about me while sleeping. I felt tears forming in my eyes, he loved me, he really loved me. I should certainly make an effort... For him!
I took the pillow and take its place against Andy, he mumbled some words still asleep. And I just stayed here, enjoying his presence and warm body.
“You were jealous of my pillow?” I jumped, turning around I met a smiling Andy.
“Actually yes, he took my place!” he chuckled and pecked my nose and forehead.
“I'm happy you're still here, you're not hating me. *sigh* I love you Rebie, I'm sorry.
-No Andy, I can't hate you. You didn't know, you couldn't. I am sorry, I should have told you before. I.. I thinkyoudeservebetter.” I said looking down.
“What? I didn't get the last part.” he lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his perfect blue eyes. Yes he deserved way better than me!
“You.. You deserve better than me Andy. You should have someone... Someone normal, someone you could hug, kiss,...
-Shhhht!” he put a finger on my lips. I felt like crying, no, I was about to cry again.
“Hey look at me, you are perfectly normal. You're the best and I can't find better. And maybe you forgot, but now I'm hugging you and you're not jumping or running away. It's just a question of time, you've been traumatized! I cannot hate you for that, I can't leave for that. I can wait, I told you already Rebie: love is not only about your default. You're a wonderful person and.. And you stole my heart.” he pecked my lips.
“And I don't want to hear you say that I deserve better! I want you and only you! Get it?” I chuckled at him, he was supposed to be severe there?
I quickly nodded, having a huge smile on my face. He caressed my cheek, softly, smiling too. There was still a chance for us, if Andy could do an effort to wait, then I could do one to let him.. Approach.
Later, Sammi and Jinxx came back, both with smile on their faces.. What? Jinxx came to me and hugged me, whispering an 'I'm sorry' in my ears. I gave them a confused look, exactly the same as Andy's one...
“Mr Campbell found out what really happened and explained us. The five guys agreed on what he said and he want you to come tomorrow at school. But first he said he wanted to talk to you.” Jinxx said with a huge smile, his grin was so wide I couldn't help but smile back..
“Oh ok, I guess I have school tomorrow then? Bouh! Vacations are over...” I felt Andy's arm wrapping around my waist and I put my arm on his. Life was finally getting back to 'normal'...
I felt my anger growing wide.. Who did that to my baby? Why? The 'Scar' of her past? I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to protect her. Whoever he was, the man who raped her deserved to die! Because of him I wasn't allowed to touch my love, and no other men. But worse: Rebie would be scared of all men who approach her! She seemed so terrified, it was sad..
“Who?” I growled, she looked up at me, her eyes still teary. She seemed confused.
“Who did this to you?” she shook her head, trying to bury her face back in my chest.
“I wish I could kill him! Yes, a slow and painful death!” she didn't say anything, just remaining silent against me. At least she didn't push me away!
She has been raped? When? She was only 17! And it happened way before! How could someone want a girl that young? I sighed, still rocking her. If only I could take it away, making her forget about all that happened, but I couldn't.
I laid her on her bed and covered her with a blanket, I gave her a quick peck before walking off, leaving her asleep. I went to my room, that meant I would never have sex with her? I could certainly do it with someone else.. But I wanted her, and only her! She was my little Rebie, my love, my rebellion, my metalhead, my.. Well you get it. I didn't want to just fuck her, I wanted to make love, to show her how much I loved her.. But for now the best way to show her my love was to wait without pushing her where she didn't want to go...
Suddenly the truth hit me! That was the reason why she reacted so violently to hugs! It must remind her of her rape, of the physical and emotional pain she felt. She must have been terrified each time someone wanted to touch her! Oh my God!
I put my head in my hand, sitting on my bed. She really has been through hell, but she achieved to smile and act normal everyday! She said she couldn't trust anyone, that was normal! Who did this? Her dad?
No! It wouldn't fit the 'Lion King' story! It must have been her own 'Scar'.. But I wouldn't know more today, and honestly, I didn't really want to know more..
Rebekah's P.O.V
I woke up during the night, turning around I realized I was alone in the dark. Andy was gone. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why??
I wanted him to go farther, I wanted it since the first time I saw him almost naked! I wanted to know why girls liked sex, I wanted to know what was 'making love' and I knew Andy would have been patient and soft with me. But I would certainly never know it, how it feels. Because of my fear, I couldn't help my reactions. When I felt his hand under my shirt.. I automatically remembered the last hand who get there. I sighed, rolling in my bed. Why did this bastard had to take me everything? Killing my parents wasn't enough?
I would never be able to forget, to move on? I would never be able to keep Andy..? I knew he loved me, but he was a man and I was just half a woman.. Maybe even less. Maybe I should release him? Let him go to have someone that won't get afraid of his hug! He deserved better, he was so nice! I sighed again. Or else I should fight my fear... But I wasn't sure I was able to do it...
Later in the morning, the school called Jinxx and Sammi, they said they needed to talk and there may be a solution. Maybe they wanted me back, maybe they found out the truth.. But I didn't care. The only thing I could think about was Andy and I's relationship. Would it last? Now that he knew he will maybe never have sex with me, would he leave? Or would he stay, trying to force me into it? Would he be able to wait?
Too many question, not enough answers! We didn't talk since yesterday, maybe...? 'Okay, Rebekah stop! You need to calm down! You want to know if he avoids you? Then go talk to him!' I sighed for the thousandth time since I woke up.
“Rebie what's going on?” asked Jinxx, I could see the concern in his eyes. But I couldn't tell him, I still wondered if it was a good idea to tell Andy... I shook my head, not noticing the sigh that escaped my mouth.
“You're lying, something is bothering you... We'll talk about it later okay?” I nodded. He gave me a quick peck on the forehead before walking off. They went to my old school and I stayed here, still full of question.
I finally walked to Andy's room, I knocked but didn't earn any answer. I walked in to find him still fast asleep... 'You see? Paranoid! He couldn't talk to you!' I smiled at him, curled up around a pillow... He was so cute!
I sat on his bed and caressed his face and hair... He was so cute, he deserved someone less damaged and complicated than me.
“Rebekah?
-Yes Andy?
-Mmhmmhmmmmh” I smiled at his undefined mumbling. Once again, he talked about me while sleeping. I felt tears forming in my eyes, he loved me, he really loved me. I should certainly make an effort... For him!
I took the pillow and take its place against Andy, he mumbled some words still asleep. And I just stayed here, enjoying his presence and warm body.
“You were jealous of my pillow?” I jumped, turning around I met a smiling Andy.
“Actually yes, he took my place!” he chuckled and pecked my nose and forehead.
“I'm happy you're still here, you're not hating me. *sigh* I love you Rebie, I'm sorry.
-No Andy, I can't hate you. You didn't know, you couldn't. I am sorry, I should have told you before. I.. I thinkyoudeservebetter.” I said looking down.
“What? I didn't get the last part.” he lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his perfect blue eyes. Yes he deserved way better than me!
“You.. You deserve better than me Andy. You should have someone... Someone normal, someone you could hug, kiss,...
-Shhhht!” he put a finger on my lips. I felt like crying, no, I was about to cry again.
“Hey look at me, you are perfectly normal. You're the best and I can't find better. And maybe you forgot, but now I'm hugging you and you're not jumping or running away. It's just a question of time, you've been traumatized! I cannot hate you for that, I can't leave for that. I can wait, I told you already Rebie: love is not only about your default. You're a wonderful person and.. And you stole my heart.” he pecked my lips.
“And I don't want to hear you say that I deserve better! I want you and only you! Get it?” I chuckled at him, he was supposed to be severe there?
I quickly nodded, having a huge smile on my face. He caressed my cheek, softly, smiling too. There was still a chance for us, if Andy could do an effort to wait, then I could do one to let him.. Approach.
Later, Sammi and Jinxx came back, both with smile on their faces.. What? Jinxx came to me and hugged me, whispering an 'I'm sorry' in my ears. I gave them a confused look, exactly the same as Andy's one...
“Mr Campbell found out what really happened and explained us. The five guys agreed on what he said and he want you to come tomorrow at school. But first he said he wanted to talk to you.” Jinxx said with a huge smile, his grin was so wide I couldn't help but smile back..
“Oh ok, I guess I have school tomorrow then? Bouh! Vacations are over...” I felt Andy's arm wrapping around my waist and I put my arm on his. Life was finally getting back to 'normal'...
Notes
Filler Alert! :) Thanks for reading!
@I am your Shadow..
when the cutting happened
12/3/14