We'll Get Through This Together-Andy Biersack

Chapter 9-Her Dead Eyes

Andy’s mom picks us up from school and we get back to our houses.

“I’m going to get changed. Be at my house in 10.” Andy smiles.

“Okay.” I reply.

I got home, my parents are out since it’s a Friday, and they always go out on a Friday. I go to my room and completely break down. I listen to some music to calm me down. I cry some more into my pillow.

My stomach ties itself into knots and I run to the bathroom. Once again I vomit up nothing but bile into the toilet bowl. I don’t think I’ll vomit again, should be okay. I fix up my makeup since it’s running. I change into a pair of black skinny jeans and a Green Day top. I owe Green Day my life. I go downstairs and lock the door behind me. I see Andy and Scout hugging at Andy’s door step.

“I’m sorry that I broke up with you, the long distance was getting to me. Can we try again?” She asks Andy.

“Of course, I love you. Hi Imogen, this is Scout.” Andy looks at me and then at her.

“It’s nice to meet you; Andy’s talked a lot about you.” I fake smile at Scout.

“Are you feeling okay? You look like you’ve been crying?” Andy asks as he walks up to me.

“What would I have to cry about? Everything in my life is going just as I want it to. I just remembered that I have some homework to finish. Have fun tonight, I have to go.” I quickly say. I run back over to my house and open the door.

I slide my back down it and lower my head. I’m so over this. I’ve been able to keep my wrist clean for a month, I can’t stand it anymore. I need that relief. *Trigger Warning*I go upstairs, still a sulking sobbing mess and look at myself in the mirror.

“You’re just a stupid nobody and you never should have grown attached to Andy. He doesn’t care, he just feels sorry for you. You are a freak and a lost cause. You don’t deserve his time. Scout does, the love of his life. You’re fat and you’re stupid.” I say to the refection in the mirror. The stupid figure that is me. I hate myself so much.

I take out a fresh leg razor from the bathroom cabinet and take it apart within a minute. I pull all my wristbands off and place the razor to my arm. “I’m sorry Andy.” I whisper as I begin to glide the blade over my skin. Once I’m finished I clean the blade and put it back into the razor. I throw it away and grab a black face washer. I place it over my bleeding arm. I’m going to have to wear long sleeve tops around Andy for a little while; he’d be so disappointed in me.

I’m a screw up, I just keep making mistakes.

I hear giggling coming from the house opposite me. I place a Green Day CD into my CD player and start playing it loudly to block out their sounds. I go to the bathroom to bandage up my arm. I put one huge band aid on my arm and then wrap it up. I close the cabinet and see a face looking back at me.

“Andy?” I say turning around.

“Imogen why are you crying?” He asks getting closer to me.

“I’m not.” I reply, my voice becoming shaky. I place my hands behind my back.

“Then why is your makeup running?” He says. “And why are your hands behind your back?”

Andy’s point of view-

Mom drives Imogen and I back to our houses. “I’m going to get changed. Be at my house in 10.” I say to Imogen. She replies with a simple okay and goes back to her house.

I go inside and change my top. I hear the doorbell ring so I run to the door to see Scout.
“Andy I missed you so much.” She says hugging me tightly.

“I missed you too.” She kisses my cheek.

“I’m sorry that I broke up with you, the long distance was getting to me. Can we try again?” She asks me. I’ve started to like Imogen but I like Scout as well. I think about it for a second. I’ve known Scout for longer; I hope this doesn’t ruin the friendship I have with Imogen. She doesn’t like me like that, we’re just friends.

“Of course, I love you. Hi Imogen, this is Scout.” I look at Imogen and then at Scout.

“It’s nice to meet you; Andy’s talked a lot about you.” Imogen smiles but then I see it slowly drop.

“Are you feeling okay? You look like you’ve been crying?” I ask walking over to her. Her eyes have lost their spark, her face isn’t happy.

“What would I have to cry about? Everything in my life is going just as I want it to. I just remembered that I have some homework to finish. Have fun tonight, I have to go.” She says quickly. She chokes on her words and runs back to her house. I can hear crying, I might be hearing things. She said that everything was going the way she wanted it to.

“So, let’s go to your room and watch a movie.” Scout smiles pulling me inside.

She says hi to my parents and we run upstairs.

“So what movie should we watch?” I ask.

She leans in and kisses me. We both start giggling and it turns into a full on make out session.

--

Just before Scout pulls my top off I hear music from Imogen’s house.

“I’ll be back in a second.” I say pulling my pants back on.

“You’re not going over to her house are you?” She sighs loudly.

“I am actually. Do you have a problem with that?” I reply.

“Well I don’t want her to get in the way of things, Andy I’m only here for one night.” She explains.

“I know, but I’ll be right back.” I say walking out the door.

I hear her sigh loudly. I run over to Imogen’s house. She left the door unlocked.

I run up to her room, she’s not in there. I check her lounge room but she’s not there either. I walk into the bathroom and see her quickly place her arms around her back. Her makeup is running but she still looks beautiful.’ Andy, you have a girlfriend.’ I mentally remind myself.

“Andy?” she questions turning around.

“Imogen why are you crying?” I ask moving closer to her.

“I’m not.” She replies with sadness in her voice

“Then why is your makeup running?” I ask. “And why are your hands behind your back?” I ask again.

“No reason, why aren’t you with Scout? Isn’t she only here for one night?” Imogen asks.

“Yes, but you’re more important.” I say moving a piece of hair off of her face.

“No I’m not, I’m broken. You can’t fix what’s already broken.” She says with tears running down her face.

“You’re not broken you’re beautiful.” I move a little closer to her.

“No, I’m fat, stupid, I have no friends and I’m just downright fucked up.” She says moving away from me. Her eyes are so sad.

I go up to her and hug her. She doesn’t let me. I feel material brush up against my skin from her arm.

I pull her left arm out from around her back. I unwrap the bandage and carefully take the band aid off of her arm.

“I told you, I’m broken, I’m fucked up. I can’t do this anymore. Can’t you see? I’m not made to live.” She says with no emotion in her voice, her tears keep rolling down her cheeks but she lets out no sound.

“I love you.” I try and hug her but she still doesn’t let me.

“No, you love Scout. You told her that an hour ago. You should get back to here. I’m wasting your time.” And with that she walks into her room and turns her music off.

I hold my tears back and go back to my house. I have to tell Scout the truth. I’m in love with Imogen.

I go back to my house and walk up the stairs.

“So, where were we?” Scout smirks as she sits on my lap.

“Scout we need to talk.” I say bluntly.

“Can it wait till later?” She asks.

“No, it can’t.”

“Fine, tell me what’s so urgent.” She sighs.

“I don’t love you.”

“You told me you loved me an hour ago. Andy what the fuck?” She almost shouts.

“I lied, sorry. But I don’t. You can stay here the night if you want but I’m sorry. I don’t love you.”

I walk downstairs and fall asleep on the couch. I think about Imogen how her eyes seemed almost dead.