Second Chances

There was an unspoken decision that my band would go to the merch tables with Black Veil to do signings after the show. I stood next to Jinxx and couldn’t keep myself staying still. I had three more Amps during our set and was just now suffering through a caffeine high. Jake compared me to CC when he get’s hyper off of Monster, and Kaim being the ass that he is said that we should lock me in a room with CC to see how bad things would get since we both get super hyper.

As we were signing shirts, tickets or CD’s Jinxx and I fell into an easy conversation whenever people didn’t ask us anything. Between the two bands, Andy and Jazz were the most popular. It didn’t bother me since I was able to talk to my brother longer. By the time the venue was empty aside from our two bands and crew, we had sold all of our shirts, wristbands and CD’s.

“Well, we officially have nothing to give the fans at other shows.” Elk held an empty box upside down while he spoke, as if something would magically fall out of the box.

“Elk, its empty. Shaking the box upside down isn’t going to change that.”

“Yeah but Havic…” I laughed at Elk, he was actually pouting and it was just adorable. Seeing Elk go from some demon spawn to someone with emotion was always entertaining.

“No, just get rid of the box.I need a shower…” I stretched and looked over at the guys. “Where’s the next show at?”

“A few cities over, we have an off day after that.” Andy answered instantly. I was glad, it meant I could actually get to know Jinxx again. I stretched and helped Jazz and Kaos pack up our guitars and drum kit before heading to the bus. I grabbed my bag before going into the bathroom and showering. I changed to my pajamas, tossed my bag back onto my bunk and curled up on the couch in the front lounge, playing games on my cell.

I looked up as the rest of my band got onto the bus. “Hey, Ashley wanted to know if you wanted to go to the party they’re having on their bus. As a celebration to our first show on tour with them.” Elk said as he sat practically on my feet.

“I’m ready for bed, not for partying. Besides, I don’t feel like being surrounded by nine drunk guys who would all end up hitting on me.”

“Fine, but I think all of us are going over, including Clair. You sure you’ll be alright on your own then?”

“Elk I was on my own for the longest time, I’ll be fine for a few hours.” A lie, but he believed me.

“Alright, if you say so. We’re just going to go change before we head over.” Almost as if it were some unspoken sign, everyone headed to the bunk area to change to go over to the BVB bus. It took them less than five minutes to change and head over to the other bus leaving me completely alone. Taking the chance, I headed to the back part of the bus, pulled my acoustic guitar out from it’s case and started playing a few songs that I knew. I started with ‘I Miss You’ by Blink-182, then turned it into ‘The Mortician’s Daughter’ by Black Veil.

I got bored playing the more depressing songs that I knew and played the cover I came up with for ‘The Legacy’ by BVB. I sang along softly, and completely blocked out everything around me as I played. I got the idea to record on my own and played acoustic versions of the four songs we played during the show. They actually came out really well despite it being my first time recording on my own. After my hands started cramping, I put my guitar away, grabbed my notebook from my bag and the horror film ‘Mama’. I set up the DVD player and curled up on the couch as I came up with a few more songs before I focused solely on the movie.

This was one of my favorite movies, and was actually very sad even while being a horror movie. I ended up falling asleep during the movie at some point, because I didn’t remember finishing it. When I woke up the bus was full of light, and was moving. I got up from the couch and checked the bunks to see if anyone came back during the night, only to find them all empty. Sighing, I went into the bathroom to take out my contacts which I accidentally left in, and put my black framed glasses on. I brushed and straightened my hair before getting rid of the make-up from the night before. I put the hat I had on earlier back on and went to make something to eat.

Getting bored since I was the only one on the bus, I went back to the temporary recording studio and worked on the other songs that we had already written before re-recording the other acoustic songs we came up with. But even doing that, I was still bored and started to get on edge. Being alone for too long was something that had become a problem for me ever since I was a child.

It went hand-in-hand with sitting in silence. I hated it, so I found the Ihome dock and plugged my Ipod into it, blasting the first song that came on which ended up being ‘Gorgeous Nightmare’ by Escape The Fate. As I calmed down a bit more I started singing the songs that played. I turned the volume up even more as I curled back up on the couch, returning to writing. I got bored almost too easily of writing music unless I had someone to bounce ideas off of, so I turned to a blank page and started writing the first random things that came to mind.

There was one thing in particular that came out of me being left alone with my thoughts, and that was the overwhelming desire to slit my wrists. Knowing that I was on my own, and that absolutely no one would find out, I pulled the blade from the pocket in the notebook and slid it over my skin at least ten times before I felt like I was starting to gain some sense of control over my thoughts.

It wasn’t something I was proud of, but it was all I had. None of the guys knew about this addiction, and if I played my cards right, they never would. I was so wrapped up in the feeling of the blade on my skin that I didn’t even notice that the bus stopped or that someone had walked onto the bus until that someone gently took the blade from my hand.

Notes

Sorry for the (possible) triggering part. It's almost sad that I do the exact same thing if I end up alone without anyone to talk to for too long. But I've been clean for about two weeks. If any of you guys have ideas for the story I'd love to hear them.
As it's now my new thing, shout out time!!

@BVB_ismysaviour
Thanks so much for reading!! I seem to like staying up until ungodly hours just to update... so I never actually know when I'm going to. But here ya go, this chapter is for you~

@Insertsarcasmhere
Aww Thanks for sticking up for my story and saying that it's amazing! It means so much to me~ You're just fucking awesome!

@EmotionalAngel
Here ya go love, another chapter just for you! haha.

@Erylis
Here ya go, another update. Haha, I know you're gonna be begging for the next one, but you're gonna have to wait. Sleep is very important for some of us. *hint hint ME*

@BVB__batgirl
Haha you're right, you are fucking awesome! Thanks for that though.

Ugh, good night my loves. I don't wanna exist right now (it's 1235 am) I'm so tired, so you'll get your next update later.