Sweet Blasphemy
ANOTHER NOTE PLEASE READ I NEED HELP
GUYS.
I don't want to quit on this story. I am not a quitter, and besides, I could never do that to y'all. Y'all have been so supportive through my struggles both with this story and with real life. I'm going through a really tough time in my life right now. To some people, I know it might not sound so serious, but it's very important to me.
I do not have a lot of friends. Some days, I don't think I have any. It's always been this way. All my life, I have been bullied. I've been locked in a really shitty mental institution (young Sera's experiences in the hospital are very much influenced by my own). I've had intense family problems (no physical abuse, thank goodness. Although my parents have their issues, they are NOT those kind of people). I've really struggled through life in the past five years, and I'm only sixteen.
I get lonely very easily. I know it sounds pretentious to say, but I'm not proud of it. I'm not bragging when I say that I have a very high intelligence quotient. It sucks, to be honest. I'm alienated from everyone my age because I can't get on board with what they do. It's hard for me to understand how they can be so short-sighted and immature. This just makes the loneliness worse.
But through it all, I've been "blessed" (I am not religious, but I find this word to fit what happened quite well) with two literal angels. People scare me. But animals? Animals save my life. I've had two dogs since I was around four. My older dog, a beautiful boy golden, died a year ago at age eleven, which is relatively young for a golden. I was devastated. My other dog, a female golden, was always with him, and his loss hit her very hard as well. I manned myself up so that I could comfort her. My dog has been my love for the past year (not in a sexual way, you fucking perverts). She slept in my bed. She looked out the window all day while I was at school to see when my bus came. She'd run to the door when I came home. I love her. She saved me from sinking down into darkness when my first dog died.
But two days ago, I got a call from my father while out school shopping. She'd been acting weird, so I suggested he take her to the vet. He had, and it wasn't good. My mother and I raced to the veterinarian only to find out that she had a cancerous rupture inside of her, causing her to bleed internally. There was a very invasive and painful operation that was the only way she might be able to live, but there was only a 20% success rate. We didn't want her to suffer. I held her paw and kissed her while crying off all of my eyeliner. I had to be literally dragged by my parents away from her so the doctors could euthanize her.
She was a eight years old.
I'm sobbing while I type. I've been crying for days now. She was my best friend, and now she's gone. She slept in my bed, which is now cold and empty. She filled my heart, and now that's empty too. Our house is filled with dog toys and we have no dogs. I feel like I'm dying.
I don't know how I'm supposed to go on from this.
But you don't read this story to hear about my heartbreak, you read for Sera and Andy. I know that. The point of this note is not to make you feel shitty for wanting me to update. For one, I wanted to explain why I'm having so much trouble.
But I have another reason I'm struggling. This story, as many of you could tell, was intended to be an Andy x OC story. However, I started writing this story a year ago. My views have changed since then.
Although Andy loves Sera irrevocably, I don't know if I can make them together. I know that he did what he did to help her, but I cannot condone him hurting her, mentally, yes, but especially physically. Domestic abuse makes me nauseous. I do not know how to reconcile my disgust for that with my love for Andy the character.
On top of that, I've fallen in love with another character, one who was hardly supposed to be important at all. They were in fact only supposed to appear in one scene. But they've evolved into so much more, into a character I adore.
I've fallen in love with the idea of Jezebel and Seraphina being together.
I realize that this is probably devastating to you guys. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm trying very hard to fix the way I've intentionally broken Andy and Sera, and while I think they may be able to become friends again, I don't know if I can put them together. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone like this, and I understand that I will probably piss a lot of you off and I will lose subscribers. I understand, I really do.
But for those of you who've grown to love this story not because of BVB but because of the story itself, I ask you to please take a step back and look the story with the BVB members removed and replaced as normal fictional characters. I hope you'll see my thought process. I know we're all biased towards BVB because they're our saviours, but Andy the character is not a saviour. In fact, he was very cowardly for a very long period of time. I do not think, as it stands right now, that he is worthy of Sera. Maybe this will change in the sequel (yes I do plan on continuing and also making a sequel). Maybe it will never be reconciled. I felt obligated to tell y'all this, because there's nothing I hate more about reading than being deceived on such a base level. I wanted to be open about this.
I love you all very much. To be quite open, this story was originally intended not as a fanfiction but a regular fantasy novel. Yet, as a loner, I had no one to read my writing. So I decided to write it as a fanfiction, because I hoped I'd get feedback that way. And yes, I most definitely have taken the BVB personalities into account; it's evolved since it's beginning as a true novel to become true fanfiction. I love BVB. I love writing. I love you guys. And I wanted to tell you how this story came to be.
Please comment or message me with your thoughts. I need support at this point in my life. If you are upset and want to unsubscribe, I'm telling you, I do not blame you. Please, before you do, comment your thoughts on the direction the story has taken. I would like your individual reasons for leaving Sweet Blasphemy behind. Y'all mean a lot to me, whether you like the story or not. All I ask is that you please remain polite, because rudeness will not be tolerated. There is a human being behind this screen. Please understand that.
I love you all.
Ellie.
I'm am so sorry I dropped off the face of the earth, I haven't been able to get on this site for a long time, once I managed to get on long enough to update a shitty chapter of my own fic (that like yours was intended to be a regular story but I had no one to read it so I made it a fic to get feedback I knew wouldn't be biased), I love this story so much. It's so much better than most actual books I've read. I see you in the same league as the likes of Walter Farley (the black stallion series), Elyne Mitchell (the silver brumby), John Masden (the Tomorrow series), and P.C and Kristen Cast (the House of Night series). And I see you as BETTER than Stephenie Meyer (The Host -i love the twilight books but the host blows them out of the water-). You really need to believe in yourself because you are incredible.
I can relate to pretty much everything you're going through minus the mental institution (I'm very good at hiding my problems, been practicing my whole life) and physical abuse part (my dad was severely abusive to my mother, nearly beat her to death many times while I was growing up and, it turns out, the hidings he gave me and my sister weren't normal, for a long time I thought being slapped with all his strength was normal, being punched but not hard enough to bruise and in areas that don't bruise easy, and picked up by our hair and dangled in the air well above ground - once even up a flight of stairs that was on the outside of the house- was normal).
I know exactly how you feel about losing your dog's, I had the same thing happen with my cat, then one went missing, then either late last year or early this year (it was a numb time for me) I lost my childhood dog Rene (reenee it's pronounced, I was a kid when I spelt it, that's just her name in half the fulll name is renebabe -baybee-) at 9 or 10 I think it was, her mother and father at each died at around 14 so it was a shock, we think it was a series of small heart attacks, I was devastated my animals are my life. People terrify me, animals are the only living things I trust fully, so as a result I have only one in person friend who was a childhood friend that only wants me to hang with her if she's bored and no one else will hang with her, she actually calls me to get my mum to call her not to talk to me, it makes me feel horrible because we weere really close once, my mother actually stole my friend by being the cool parent, and my other friend lives in tasmania so I can't ever see her.
all I can say to try and give you comfort is try to do some things that you like even if they only make you the tiniest bit happy, in time the hurt will become less and hit you less often. This is bad I know, but the best way I've found to get over a beloved pets death is to find a new baby to love, you find yourself throwing all you love and affection into caring for it that the pain starts going away, or becomes more bearable. I was given a kitten a few weeks after Rene died, caring for him did wonders for my grief, after a couple of months I tried to adopt two different dogs (at seperate times) from the animal welfare league, part to fill the huge void Rene left that, though I loved my kitten, could only be filled with a dog, but mostly because my front door is dodgy and liable to open if the person tries hard enough at the right time, so I was scared of being robbed and raped (there was actually a guy on my street who was a known murderer that had gotten out of jail, he openly told my mother who lives across from me, that he was going to rape me and my sister, so I felt I needed the protection. Neither of the dogs worked out so I gave up until one day I came across a puppy, I knew she was too young to be of any use yet but she's a shar pei x staffy, so when she got older shed be perfect, I got her and I know it sounds crazy but I felt rene's approval of her.
your story is amazing and while I'm sad about Andy and sera possibly not being together, I'm also intrigued by the idea of her being with Jezebel, I like the idea I just feel for Andy, i've been through domestic and mental abuse and I have my own monster (a result of, I'm guessing, the abuse but also my rcbd), so I can see through everything Andy does and still empathise with him, I guess I see myself in him. No matter what you do I know it's going to be amazing, now that I have a blackberry again I'm hoping I'll be able to find a way to get on the site often enough that I can read my favourite fics (yours is my most favourite, I'm not just saying that) and actually comment when I do, now that I have a phone with a keypad again (my thumbs are so small and dainty that using a touch screen is a fucking nightmare). I do hope that seraphina and Andy can at least become good friends again, I hope she can see past what he did and concentrait on WHY he did them. You're a rare talent Emily, if you honed on your writing skills, went to a creative writing course to learn how to structure a real book (I want to do that one day when I can afford to go to a good one), you could become a published author, if you can find a publisher who actually knows a good book when they see one that is, some of them are idiots, since I can never be a jockey or musician, I hope one day I can not just write, but be an editor and maybe even own my own publishing house eventually, then talents like you would actually stand a much better chance of being published, I would never allow crap to be chruned out of my ph just because it's the type of genre or whatever that is 'Hot right now'.
I really look forward to reading your next chapter and I wish the best for you in your personal life, I hope you feel better as soon as possible
9/15/15