Sweet Blasphemy

I have never wished so profusely and severely to die before.

My stomach is hollowed out from hunger, and my face is bleeding. He hits me again, and again, over and over until I fall to the mattress. Even then, He is not satisfied. He grabs me by the hair and bites my neck. He bites deeper than Andy, deeper than even the Nightshades. The Nightshades.

I think about the little bug-like thing Jezebel Nightshade gave me yesterday. It could fetch her for me. But what good would that do? She’d explained to me that while a vampire’s power could overpower Death, she couldn’t save me by using brute force. We had to be smart about getting me away from Death. I had my Soul Dagger—Andy had retrieved it; it was currently stashed in my room—and I had an ally in a vampire.

But even with a weapon and a vampire, I couldn’t be saved from Him in this moment. I couldn’t send the bug to get Jezebel—that would reveal that she is helping me. She’d be charged with treason, and while she can overpower Death alone, she would not stand a chance against His legions of followers.

So I cannot fight against Him as He sinks His teeth deep into my neck and scratches fat slices into my stomach. I scream, and I scream, and I cry.

“Shut up,” He barks, and He throws me down onto the mattress. He punches me in the jaw. I scream, but immediately I stop, because even the smallest of movements hurts my jaw even more. It feels like it’s about to fall off. It feels like it could be peeled from me by the lightest touch. Death knows this. He knows the agony He has put me in, and with a sadistic smile, He kisses me, throwing me even deeper into the depth of agony.

He bites my lip, tearing skin. He enters me, and I try to push Him away. I always try to push Him away.

I am never successful.

One time, one time I did not push Him away. Yesterday. He had beaten me for the first time, and then He had acted like He loved me. Without even talking to Lavinia, or Jezebel about it—going off of Andy’s words alone—I had learned by then to submit to Him. I was confused, that was the only excuse for it. I kissed Him back.

I had wanted to forget. I wanted to forget. I want to forget.

But kissing Death is not the way to do that, and I was weak to even attempt to delude myself into thinking that it was. I also know that dying will not save me from Death. This is yet another thing Andy taught me. Dying will trap me permanently in this realm, in Hell, because we all know for a fact that Death will never allow me to venture onto the Earth once I am physically His. So I must remain alive.

Even though I know this, in this moment, I want to die.

Not to be with Him forever. No, it’s the opposite—I hope that dying gives me a moment of nothingness. A moment where I am not me. Where I know nothing. Where I have not even a consciousness to remind me of my dreadful fate—my fate to live with this abuse for the rest of all eternity.

He is inside of me. I am too suicidal to even take solace in the fact that I am in so much pain that, for the first time, my body does not betray me and respond to His defiling. He moves His lips off of mine, and breathes out shakily.

“Mine,” He says, and I scream for help.

Like he is answering my prayer, Andy enters the room. I scream for him, and Death hits inside of me over and over again, until He releases Himself inside of me, leaving me feeling dirty and used and even more suicidal.

Only once Lord Death is done pleasuring Himself with me does He address my heaving sobs and my screams.

“Shut up, bitch,” He growls, and His nails shove through the skin of my cheek. I feel blood everywhere.

Andy starts to speak, and he sounds like he is struggling very hard not to explode. “My lord, you called for me to be in here, but I am clearly interrupting, so I will—”

“No,” Death gasps out as He strikes me again. “I want you to see this, Sixx. And then I’ll send her to her room, and we can have a little talk, hm? Doesn’t that sound nice?” He plunges His hand into my mouth, scratching the inside of my cheeks, scratching my tongue, scratching even my throat. I convulse in pain. “How bad does it hurt, Sera?” He coos. “How bad does this hurt?”

He pulls His hand out of my mouth and slashes a cut on my lower abdomen. I scream. “Does it hurt bad enough yet?” He leers.

“Yes! Yes! YES!” I scream, tears flooding my face, mixing with my blood and spilling everywhere. “YES! IT HURTS!”

“Sixx, do you think she’s in enough pain?” Death asks Andy. “She acted out of turn yesterday, used her talents as a Sybil to get me to reveal some information about myself that I did not want to reveal.”

“I don’t know what You’re talking about!” I sob, fighting against Him. “I didn’t do anything to You! You told me on Your o—”

He pulls on my hair again. “I did not give you permission to speak,” He hisses in my ear. I shut my mouth and sob quietly. “Sixx, I asked you a question. Do you think she’s in enough pain? She had to be punished. Do you think she’s been punished enough?”

“I think,” Andy says unevenly, “that whatever You decide is good is right, my-my lord.”

He sounds… angry.

Death must have noticed as well. “Wise words and a not-wise tone, Sixx,” He snarls. “You are not good at hiding your feelings from me.”

Death throws me off of His bed, and I collapse into Andy. Andy—as if he’s not even in control of himself—falls upon me and collects me in his arms.

“Do not leave with her!” Death says. “Get another fallen to take her! You will be staying here.”

“Y-Yes,” Andy says. He is shaking. I am in so much pain that I can hardly think straight. Andy opens the door at a knock, and I see a flushed, panting CC standing in the doorway.

“My lord,” he greets Death. “I’ve come to take the girl.”

“Take her already,” Death snaps. CC obliges. Andy hands me off to him. CC starts to walk away with me. I do not want him to take me away from Death and Andy. Even through the agony of Andy’s betrayal, I still fear for him.

“Andy,” I cry out, and I manage to meet his sharp blue eyes. He closes those eyes and bows his head.

“Please take her away,” he whispers to CC.

And CC does.





ANDY’S POV





“You love her.”

The words resonate in my mind, ricocheting. Everywhere they hit, they leave blood and fear. I want to collapse as Sera did. Sera.

She was beaten. Bloody. Tormented. Tortured. All by this man—this thing that I had served for centuries upon centuries. Tortured by Him.

The being that has just spoken to me. Who has just viciously acknowledged the destructive secret I had spent over a decade trying to deny.

You love her.

I open my mouth. I do not know what I can say. All I know is that I must deny it. I must. “I—”

“Don’t lie to me, Sixx,” Lord Death snaps. “You love her. We both know you love her. I didn’t recognize it in you at first, but I see it now, and I really should have known.”

“Lord Death, I don’t know—”

“You now damn well what I’m talking about!” He shouts. “You are in love with Seraphina Blakeley! You love her!”

I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t know how to reach the words. I didn’t even know what words I was looking for, what words that could somehow convince Death that I wasn’t in love with Sera.

If I wasn’t, it would’ve been much easier to lie. But I know. I’ve always known, since the first second I saw her.

I’m in love with her.

“Good, good, don’t deny it; you’ll only anger me more,” Death says silkily. I know that when He speaks in such a manner, He is at His most dangerous. I close my eyes and try to prepare myself to die. I wish that I could see Sera one more time. I wish that I could explain to her, explain that I never wanted to do this to her—that I was weak, and that if I could do it all over again, I would never have let the guys take her down here. I would have stolen her away and faced the consequences before I even so much as considered taking her down here. I know that once He killed me, Death would use His jurisdiction over my spirit to keep me away from Sera at all times. I wait for Him to strike me. I wait. “Now, here’s how this is going to go: I am going to tell you how we are going to proceed from here. I’m going to give you two choices, Sixx. You can prove to me that you’re loyal, that this little transgression will be your only transgression. How will you do this? Easy. You are going to kill Seraphina Blakeley for me.”

My eyes fly open. Never. I will never do that. I will never hurt her again. Never. I do not say this. If I say this right now, he will kill me.

“You are going to murder her. If you do this for me, not only will I forgive you, I will make you my second in command. I will have you by my side for the rest of eternity. You will have the power to take all of the girls you desire from Earth. I will help you. I am giving you until Sera’s coronation to decide what to do. As you know, she will be killed there. She will be murdered, ideally by you, which will sever all of her ties to humanity, making her complacent,” Death says. If He thinks there’s anything He can do that’ll make Sera complacent, He’s even crazier than I thought. “There, once dead, I will crown her my queen. You know that dying will trap her down here. Obviously, I’m never letting her go back to the Land of the Living, not even if she begs—if she even remembers that she wants to. I’m curious to see how she’ll manage. Aren’t you curious too?

“You do have another option. If you choose to disobey me, I will kill you,” Death says. He sounds very happy at the thought. I resist the urge to shudder. I want to murder Him for all the pain He’s caused—not just for me, or Seraphina, or even my friends, but for everyone. “And that will trap you down here. Clearly, you will not be allowed to journey again to the Land of the Living. And we both know how you so love it up there. So let’s not snatch that away from you, hm? All you have to do is kill her. You’ve killed before—why stop now? It’s her freedom or yours, Sixx. She’ll be trapped either way; I’ve given you the chance for freedom. What will you choose?” His eyes bear into me. “As I stated, I will give you until Seraphina’s coronation to decide. Choose wisely,” Death said, and with a clap of His hands, I am pitched from His room.

I go tumbling out of the room, falling everywhere. I don’t have the chance to catch myself—I fall face-first into the redhot sand of the ground. I scowl. Very overdramatic, pitching me out of the castle with Your little ‘transport’ bit, I think at Death. Real mature.

I groan and bury my face in my hands. What have I done? I can’t kill Sera. I know it in my bones—as cliché as that sounds. If I kill her, I might as well kill myself while I’m at it—and not with a regular knife. With a Soul Dagger. If I kill her? I don’t want to exist anymore.

Because she trusted me. And I already ripped that trust to shreds—I can’t rip her to shreds as well. She cared so much about me, and when I met her, she’d been a girl I’d feared unable to truly care about living beings. But she’d surprised me. Hell, she’d done more than that—she’d amused me, and baffled me, and, ultimately, ruined me. Because I was going to fight for her, and I would probably die in the process.

But I had to free her. I owed it to her. I owed her my everything, because that’s what she’d been for me all those years in the Land of the Living. My everything. And now, she thought that that was a lie. I’d forced her to believe that I hated her. That I thought she was a whore.

And she’d believed me so easily! It’d horrified me, how quickly she’d given in to me that day in the bathroom, when I’d slipped up and laughed at one of her jokes, when I’d compensating by going batshit for seemingly no reason. How quickly she’d fallen to the ground, stripped, and shouted that she was a whore.

She wasn’t a whore, and it was outrageous for her to even contemplate that she was! She didn’t deserve what she got, and no matter how her body responded to Death’s advances, she didn’t want it either. I’d stood, truly terrified that I had finally broken her. But I should’ve known better; Sera cannot be broken, and it’s not just because she’s a Sybil. It’s because she’s Sera.

She used to fight me tooth and nail when I’d try to coax her into going to sleep on school nights. Her parents hadn’t cared enough to, and I’d been worried, because she was starting to get purple bags under her eyes. So I’d attempted to parent a little, and had gotten an overwhelmingly negative response. Even though I tried to convince her to listen for months, she never did.

I guess it’s all just as well—I never would have forced her to do anything, and she knew that. But now? Now, she expects me to. For God’s sake, she’d expected me to force her to blow me for some non-revealing clothes. And why? Because I betrayed her in a way that no being should ever be betrayed. I was base, and evil, and not just in her eyes. I was wretched. And in her eyes, I had once been divine.

And there was no way I could ever make up for that.

I knew that she would never love me like I loved her, even before I’d taken her down here. I’m a creature, a thing, and she’s beautiful, a breathtakingly mortal girl. I know it now, and I knew it then, and as I died for her, I would know it as well. Maybe someone—anyone—would tell her what I did for her, how I’d fought for her. Hopefully, I would be able to release myself before Death killed me, but I would take an eternity as Death’s pet, just to see that she knows I gave my life to save her. Just to apologize, in a way that words never could.

“You’re finally going to save her, aren’t you?”

I almost piss myself.

“Ashley!” I whip my head up, and I see him staring down at me, at where I’m curled in a ball on the ground. He sighs at me and sits down by my side. He gives me a look. “What are you talking about?” I ask. Am I that transparent? “She’s a prisoner…” I say, trailing off at the look he’s still giving me.

“Yeah, and so were we,” he says. He does make a really good point there. That’s why we’d fallen from Heaven—because we were just glorified prisoners. “Listen, dude, you’re practically drooling self-loathing and ‘save Sera’ vibes all over the place. Don’t lie to me; I’m on your side, fucknuts.”

I blink. “Wait, what? Really?” I shake my head, looking around in fear. I lean in closer to him and whisper, “are you serious?”

Ashley rolls his eyes at me. “No shit, I’m serious,” he says. “I wouldn’t joke around about something like this. You know what He’s going to do to you, right? He’s going to—”

“Yeah, I know. Kill me, burn my soul in acid, torture me for the rest of eternity,” I say dismissively. “I got that; He already told me. I don’t care though. I’m serious—she’s worth it.”

Ashley is quiet for a second. “She’s never going to love you,” he says softly. “Even if you do manage to escape with her. She hates you for what you’ve done to her. She hates all of us.”

I rub my hand over my jaw in frustration. “I don’t know, dude,” I say. “CC hasn’t been a total dick to her, and she hasn’t really seen much of you, Jinxx, or Jake. It’s really just me that’s been cruel to her. So yeah, she hates me, but maybe not the rest of you guys.”

“Andy, we kidnapped her and brought her to Hell,” Ashley says. “I think that’s a relationship-ender.”

I stare at the red dirt. I want to get angry at him for sounding so casual, but I know him well enough to get that he’s only acting like that because he’s freaking out inside. After a long pause, I ask, “are you really going to help me? Because Death half-expects me to help her, but I’m pretty sure he expects the rest of you guys are just mindless drones. You guys could take care of her.”

“Take care of her,” Ashley mused. “Look, I care about her a lot, Andy, and I want to help in any way that I can, honestly. But I don’t think anyone can truly take care of her for good. She’s too powerful to lie low. Someone’s going to find her some day. And she’s going to die eventually; we all know that, and when she does, she’ll be back down here.”

“But she’s good,” I say softly. “She hasn’t lived like us, Ash. She’s good. She’ll go to Heaven. Heaven can save her. It’s a lot like Hell, but at least it doesn’t have Death. It’s safer for her.”

Ashley laughs a dark laugh. “In all my years since the Fall, I never thought I’d hear you speaking well of that place,” he says. “But you’re right. I guess Heaven really is the only place that can save her in the long run.”

I close my eyes. I remember the Fall like it was yesterday.

I was sick of being treated like a mortal showdog. I didn’t want to lounge around any longer. I wanted to live. I was in the realm of the purest life, yet I felt completely, utterly dead inside. I’d searched everywhere to find something to help me feel alive. I’d seen the mortals do drugs and drink, but they had no effect on me. So I’d turned to fights.

I would get into fights with any and every mortal I came across. After I while, it became way, way to hard on me, trying not to kill them. I didn’t want to end their lives—I just wanted something to do. But they’d been to easy, so I’d started fighting amongst the other angels.

The first angel I ever physically fought was Ashley. We’d kicked each other’s asses, and there’d been no clear winner, although if asked, both of us would never verbally acknowledge that—we’d each swear that we were the victor. We’d gotten into an argument over something really stupid, I don’t know, we were friends. Maybe he’d taken something of mine without asking.

While we yelled at each other, I realized that I had a chance to fight someone less crushable than a mortal. So I straight up went, “you wanna beat the shit out of me? Whoever wins is right.”

Clearly, he’d gone for it. And clearly, we were both wrong, as nobody had won. Yet, the adrenaline that’d come from fighting was not something that we forgot so easily. We’d weeded through Heaven, trying to find more angels to fight. That was before we knew Jinxx, and Jake, and CC. We couldn’t find anyone we trusted enough not to tell Phoenix what we were doing. We knew that He would disapprove.

But we’d gotten bored with beating the shit out of each other. If we were lucky, one of us would pull through and come out on top, but the next time, the other would win, and then we’d go back to tying. My escape from the boring was getting boring in itself.

It’d been my stupidass idea that’d gotten us kicked out of Heaven, as well as getting us the worst beating we’ve ever had in all eternity.

I had the genius idea to pick a fight with some fallen angel we’d come across in the Land of the Living. Nowadays, everybody knows that fallen angels are physically way stronger than angels—but back then? Well, we were completely clueless assholes.

We’d gotten our asses handed to us, of course. We’d barely escaped with our lives—the guy had had a Soul weapon. We scrambled home, panicked. We didn’t think about the fact that we were covered in blood and sweat and dirt. The proof of our crime was smeared all over out bodies. But we were too stupid to realize, and when we got back to Heaven, Phoenix sensed the blood and the helldirt.

He’d banished us. There were no words exchanged, no tears, not even a chance to look around one last time. He just grabbed us by the necks, ripped out our wings, and threw us from Heaven.

And now here we are. I look over at Ashley, and I see that he’s watching me. He knows what I’m thinking about. And he knows that once she’s dead, we’ll never be able to see her again. She’ll go to Heaven, and we’re banned from there for the rest of eternity.

But, despite all of the risks and inevitable heartbreak that will come from saving her, not saving her would be even worse.

“I’m going to protect her, no matter what,” I say quietly. Ashley nods.

“I know,” he says. “I Fell with you, and if I have to, I’ll die with you too. You’re my best friend. And I really do care about her too.”

Someone cleared their throat. I leap to my feet, and so does Ashley. We get into fighting stances, ready to kill. But it’s Jinxx we’re facing.

Shit. I have no idea what to do. He’s our friend; I didn’t want to think that he’d attack us or hand us in to Death, but I didn’t know. He didn’t like Sera. He meets my eye, and I swallow. Last time Ashley and I tried to fight Jinxx, we got out asses kicked. Last time Ashley and I tried to fight Jinxx, we’d almost died. He was the fallen angel we’d stupidly tried to take that day, the day we Fell. Clearly, we became friends—actually, he was the one that found us once we’d Fallen and had taken us down here and showed us around. Helped us get our heads on straight. Which was funny, because now, I’m afraid he’s going to knock our heads right off our shoulders.

“Don’t fight us,” Ashley says tiredly when Jinxx doesn’t speak up. “I know you don’t like her, and what we’re going to do probably seems insane to you, but please, just let us make our own mistakes. Don’t turn us in. Death gave Andy time to decide. His time isn’t up yet—so Death doesn’t need to be informed about Andy’s decision. For all He knows, it could just not be final yet.” He lets out a breath. “And—if all that didn’t make any difference to you—please, just for us. Because we’re friends. Please, don’t tell Him.”

Jinxx looks away from us. “I’m not telling Him anything,” he says, and I flinch at the hate in his voice. “He doesn’t deserve my help. You want to save Sera? Good. Take her away from him. Let him know what it’s like to have someone you love stolen from you.”

I don’t know what’s going on. I open my mouth, but Jinxx is scary when he gets like this, so I don’t have to nerve to say anything. I look over at Ashley, and I see that he’s facing the same dilemma as well.

“He killed her,” he says shortly, without looking at us.

“W-who?” I ask. Jinxx’s family is long-dead, and none of the girls he’s been messing around with really mean much to him. There’s no one I can think of that he’d mind Death killing except… except for her, but that wasn’t possible. They hate each other. They haven’t spoken in years. Things ended horrible between them, but I can’t think of anyone else.

He confirms my suspicions by saying, “Sammi. He killed Sammi.” He finally looks up at us, and I see that he’s very shaken. “Listen, I know that we ended really shitty, and she hates me and I kind of hate her… but it’s my fault that she’s dead. It’s my fault that He killed her. Like you guys know, things got really shitty when I had to leave here and stay in the Land of the Living to watch Sera. We couldn’t spend that much time together. Shit got rough. We found other people. We did stupid shit, and we hurt each other, and I don’t think I can forgive her, so I can’t expect her to forgive me.

“When things really went to shit with us, I had nothing to do with myself, so I decided that I would get Death to kill me. I knew you’d never do it, Andy, even though you have the weapons. So I went to Death and insulted Him. I was ready to die, but I didn’t. When I opened my eyes, I saw that He had her in His arms. Sammi. He told me that if I didn’t go back to the surface and take watch over Seraphina, He would kill her, right then and there. And though I hate her, I couldn’t do that. I just couldn’t do that to her. So I returned.

“I did everything He asked! I did it all! And when we came back here with the girl, I ran to Him and asked Him to show me Sammi. He did. She was alive then, but she was changed. Hollow. I couldn’t tell from a distance, but He’d killed her—not vaporized her, like with a Soul Weapon, but just ended her life. Trapping her forever down here, doing what I suffered for years to keep Him from doing. He did it anyway.” Jinxx’s hands clench into fists. “So, no. I’m not going to be telling Him. He can take a little surprise. And you know what? I’m going to help you. Now that I look at it, I don’t dislike Sera. Not really. I hated her at first because she was keeping me from Sammi, and then I hated her because she was killing my relationship with Sammi. And then Sammi and I found other people without telling each other, and I blamed Sera for that too. And after I tried to get Death to kill me, I blamed Sera for putting Sammi in danger and making me Death’s puppet.”

“We’re all His puppets,” Jake says, materializing. We all jump—even Jinxx. Jake looks at us seriously. “Honestly, we are. We’re His little puppets. That’s all we’ve ever been, and all we’ll ever be if we don’t take a stand. We have to do something, and saving Sera is what I choose to do. And it seems like that’s what you guys have chosen too.”

“Me too!” I hear a familiar voice pitch in, and I turn and see CC loping towards us.

“Where’s Sera?!” I ask him, panicking.

“She’s asleep, in her room. I asked if she wanted me to stay and watch over her, but she said she didn’t need me to. She pulled this little bug-like toy out of her corset and held it in the palm of her hands. She cuddled it and told me she’d be fine. And then she fell asleep,” he says. “I didn’t leave her unattended either. A young girl showed up, and she said that she’d be taking care of Sera, per His orders.” There were only a few times when I’d ever heard CC sound hateful, and this is one of them. “I know you were there when some of it happened, Andy, but I washed her. I used the soap on her, and I felt everything that He had done to her, and I knew right then that I had to save her. So I came to find you guys, to warn you about what I was going to do, to convince you to let me risk myself.” He laughed. “Imagine my surprise when I see you guys have already had your entire conspiracy meeting without me.”

I look at him in wonder. We’re plotting against Death—our master for centuries and centuries—and he’s managing to laugh. He might just be the most easy-going person I’ve ever known. If I get him killed… I shake my head.

“You guys don’t have to do this,” I say. “I don’t want your help. I don’t want you to risk yourselves to help me. I’m the one that—”

“The thing is, dude, we’re not risking ourselves for you,” Jake says. “We love you and all, but this isn’t about you; it isn’t even about Sera. It’s about us. About reclaiming ourselves. It’s about becoming who we want to be—becoming the people Sera saw us to be for so long. Because we liked being those people. We liked our freedom, as manipulated and short as it was. Right?” The rest of the guys nod their heads.

“Yeah,” Ashley says. “And besides, she’s really important to me too, Andy. I really care about her. I haven’t been able to visit her because I know that what I’d see would kill me inside.”

I bite my cheek. Yeah, maybe I should’ve thought about that before I volunteered to take care of her. Maybe I should’ve thought about that before I agreed to take the job of stalking her in the first place. Maybe I should’ve kept myself a little more guarded; maybe I shouldn’t have fallen for her.

But maybe I would’ve fallen for her anyway.

Notes

Heyyyy you finally got ANOTHER POV isn't that just GREAT?!?!? XD well it's my 16th birthday but I've been working on this since I got home from school to finish it, for you guys! SO HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY!

So, I've been reading a fic called "Don't Let Me Drown" on this site and the author wants some of my friends to volunteer to be in the story. Please volunteer soon so she can write more 0.o I need moreeeee

Also, on another note, and I need your opinion: I have a one-shot half written for this site. Do you want it? It has nothing to do with Sera or fallen angels, its about a girl named Tiger. Give your opinions, either in the comments, or in messages. And tell all your friends to read "Blasphemy" and "Don't Let Me Drown." Also, check out "Suffer in Silence" cuz the author is a badass and I love her story. Alright, I'll do more shootouts next chapter, cuz I havta pee really bad right now. Before I go, I want to let you know that I NEED SOME R&R IF I'M GONNA CONTINUE MA STORY

Alright, see ya later, little Sybils. Bye bye!

*title cred: "Angel of Darkness" by Alex C*