I stood in front of the tombstone of my best friend, Andy. I swear he was the thing keeping me alive, now he's gone. I set the flowers i carried here on the ground in front of the grave. next to the picture of him. i felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see nobody. i shrugged off the feeling and brushed off the front of my Pierce the Veil t shirt. i turned around and blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. i began to walk to the road that ran through the cemetery that helps me walk home everyday since he died. i reached the road and fell apart. i sat on the curb and let the tears fall from my eyes and looked down to my worn converse and saw the water drip onto the shoes. i used to worry about the tears messing up my make up everyday but now i stopped wearing it because crying became a daily routine for the past month. i stood up and began my slow walk home in no rush to be greeted with Danny and his 'friend's' comments on how i dressed again. Andy would've told me to ignore it but he's gone and it still hurts. i opened the front door of my house and smelled nothing but cigarette smoke and alcohol, odds were my mom was wasted and passed out on the couch again.

"hey emo girl!" i recognized my brother's voice call "awwee, have you been crying again, why dont you just go and end it nobody cares anyways" he taunted. i hadnt cut since Andy died he helped me not to and i just stopped but now i was seriously considering it. i wanted the releif i knew the blade would bring. But Andy wouldn't want me to so i wouldn't.

i heard more taunts but they came to my ears as more of muffled sounds as i walked to my room and saw my disgrace of a mother on the floor of the hallway passed out in a puddle of her own vomit. it was disgusting that she did that to herself. i wanted my old mom back. the one who would comfort me when i was depressed, but then my dad left and she started drinking and blaming it on me and insulting me just as much as Danny does. no matter how much she says it i know she doesnt mean it and is just trying to blame it on everyone but herself. i mopped up the vomit sorrounding my mother and carried her to her room and laid her on her bed.

i opened the door to my room and laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling that i plastered with pictures of my favorite bands and the reason everyone calls me 'emo'.
''why can't i be like everyone else?" i mumbled to myself.
'normal is boring' i could have sworn i heard Andy's deep voice but when i looked around i saw nothing again. i walked to the bathroom and tried my best to stay out of the sight of Danny and his group. i locked the door and looked at myself in the mirror. my black hair was messy from me running my hands through it in frustration all day from the shit i have to deal with at school. i had a spot of vomit on my shirt and my pants were faded and grey skinny jeans. i kept seeing the blood though, his blood. all over me. thats all i ever saw when i looked in the mirror anymore. the blood. what i saw that night.

i would never unsee it.

i heard a bang at the door followed by yelling.
"hey emo bitch, get out i have to take a piss!!" i heard the voice of one of my brothers friends call out from behind the door. i unlocked the door and walked out with my head down as he glared at me.

dont let it get to you he's an ass

i heard Andy. that was his voice and i knew it.

Notes

this was sitting on my laptop taking up space so i decided to post it.