Sometimes You Just Have To Let Go
No. You did not come in like a wrecking ball.
Scarlett’s P.O.V.
“Andy… What are you doing in the girls bathroom…?” I said close to a whisper.
I noticed he was still staring at the blade I had pressed against my skin.
I looked down and quickly pulled it away and popped it back behind my case.
He looked hurt.
Why the fuck was he hurt? I could feel myself start to get angry.
He was looking at me like I was broken. I fucking hate that look. I’m not an object, I’m a person. What else was that I saw? Maybe pity? God I hate pity more than anything else in the world.
Sure I may be broken, shattered even, but I didn’t want someone to pity me and give me that “I’m so sorry” look.
I coughed, obviously uncomfortable.
“You didn’t answer my question, what are you doing in the girls bathroom?” I asked again trying to change the subject and the look he was giving me.
“I though you were mad at me for some reason. You were basically ignoring me back there, and then you ran off, so I came to ask you what was wrong, but instead I walk in on you about to fucking cut yourself?!” He said raising his voice at the end, obviously getting angry at me.
“Why the fuck are you angry?! This has nothing to do with you.” I said
“Why. Why do you do it?” He completely ignored my question, his lips turning into a thin straight line.
“ Andy, this is honestly none of your business, I’m fine.”
That was a lie, I wasn’t fine. I was far from fine, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him.
“Scarlett. Stop. Stop pushing me away. You’re obviously not fine. Who else knows you do this? Alex?” He basically yelled at me, but I could tell it wasn’t an angry tone, it was caring.
“No Andy, okay? No one knows, not even Alex, and you’re not going to tell her.” I said glaring at him. He wouldn’t dare tell Alex. Alex has enough problems without worrying about me, I don’t want her to worry about me and I don’t want this secret to change our friendship.
“Scarlett, someone has to know, to help you..” He said softly, giving me a sad look.
“GOD ANDY! I DON’T NEED HELP! IM USED TO BEING ALONE AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, I’LL DEAL WITH THIS, MYSELF. SO STOP PITYING ME AND LOOKING AT ME LIKE IM BROKEN! IM NOT A FUCKING GLASS VASE!” I screamed at him.
“Scarlett-“ He started to say something but I quickly cut him off.
“No Andy. Drop it. I’m Fine. I don’t need help.” I said.
That was one of the biggest lies I’ve ever told.
I did need help, but I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to admit that to myself, let alone another person. As I said before, I’m terrible with emotions.
I started to walk past him but he grabbed my arm,being careful to avoid my cuts.
He turned my wrist to him so he could see my wounds.
I let him look for a few minutes, but then I quickly saw his eyes start to water.
I quickly pulled my arm back and shoved the rest of my bracelets on, making sure to cover every cut.
He looked back to me, capturing me in his icey blue eyes.
“Scarlett, why are you pushing me away? Why are you pushing everyone away?” He asked softly.
Honestly I didn’t know. That’s just how I’ve always been.
“Andy, I barely know you. I don’t let anyone in, that’s just me. My walls are built too high for someone to bother to try and knock them, and I’m definitely not going to lower them. I’m used to being alone. This isn’t some Miley Cyrus music video where you come riding in, naked, on a wrecking ball, knocking down all my emotional walls.” That was the most true thing I’ve said all night. I can’t believe I actually just said that to him.
I was totally serious about the Miley Cyrus thing, although I could see the humor in it.
I started to walk by him again and this time he let me pass.
I walked back to the room, but paused.
I thought over what just happened. Did that even really happen? Was Andy trying to tell me he cared and I was just pushing him away like everyone else? Did I want him to try to break down my walls?
The questions flowed through my head. It felt like I had been standing there for hours, but I knew it had only been a few seconds.
I took a deep breath and went to reach for the door but a hand grabbed for it before I could touch the handle.
I looked up, startled, to see Andy there giving me a pained and forced smile.
He gestured for me to go and as I passed he silently stopped me with his hand.
“Scarlett, I don’t care if you don’t want to let me in, I don’t care if you want to push me away, I will still try to help you. And I don’t pity you. I really like you and cant bare the thought of you not being here, of me not being able to get to know you. And as for the Miley Cyrus music video, If you wanted to see me naked, you could have just asked.” He whispered in my ear.
WHAT?!!! I screamed silently in my head, but continued to walk, as I felt my face burning bright red.
“Andy… What are you doing in the girls bathroom…?” I said close to a whisper.
I noticed he was still staring at the blade I had pressed against my skin.
I looked down and quickly pulled it away and popped it back behind my case.
He looked hurt.
Why the fuck was he hurt? I could feel myself start to get angry.
He was looking at me like I was broken. I fucking hate that look. I’m not an object, I’m a person. What else was that I saw? Maybe pity? God I hate pity more than anything else in the world.
Sure I may be broken, shattered even, but I didn’t want someone to pity me and give me that “I’m so sorry” look.
I coughed, obviously uncomfortable.
“You didn’t answer my question, what are you doing in the girls bathroom?” I asked again trying to change the subject and the look he was giving me.
“I though you were mad at me for some reason. You were basically ignoring me back there, and then you ran off, so I came to ask you what was wrong, but instead I walk in on you about to fucking cut yourself?!” He said raising his voice at the end, obviously getting angry at me.
“Why the fuck are you angry?! This has nothing to do with you.” I said
“Why. Why do you do it?” He completely ignored my question, his lips turning into a thin straight line.
“ Andy, this is honestly none of your business, I’m fine.”
That was a lie, I wasn’t fine. I was far from fine, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him.
“Scarlett. Stop. Stop pushing me away. You’re obviously not fine. Who else knows you do this? Alex?” He basically yelled at me, but I could tell it wasn’t an angry tone, it was caring.
“No Andy, okay? No one knows, not even Alex, and you’re not going to tell her.” I said glaring at him. He wouldn’t dare tell Alex. Alex has enough problems without worrying about me, I don’t want her to worry about me and I don’t want this secret to change our friendship.
“Scarlett, someone has to know, to help you..” He said softly, giving me a sad look.
“GOD ANDY! I DON’T NEED HELP! IM USED TO BEING ALONE AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, I’LL DEAL WITH THIS, MYSELF. SO STOP PITYING ME AND LOOKING AT ME LIKE IM BROKEN! IM NOT A FUCKING GLASS VASE!” I screamed at him.
“Scarlett-“ He started to say something but I quickly cut him off.
“No Andy. Drop it. I’m Fine. I don’t need help.” I said.
That was one of the biggest lies I’ve ever told.
I did need help, but I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to admit that to myself, let alone another person. As I said before, I’m terrible with emotions.
I started to walk past him but he grabbed my arm,being careful to avoid my cuts.
He turned my wrist to him so he could see my wounds.
I let him look for a few minutes, but then I quickly saw his eyes start to water.
I quickly pulled my arm back and shoved the rest of my bracelets on, making sure to cover every cut.
He looked back to me, capturing me in his icey blue eyes.
“Scarlett, why are you pushing me away? Why are you pushing everyone away?” He asked softly.
Honestly I didn’t know. That’s just how I’ve always been.
“Andy, I barely know you. I don’t let anyone in, that’s just me. My walls are built too high for someone to bother to try and knock them, and I’m definitely not going to lower them. I’m used to being alone. This isn’t some Miley Cyrus music video where you come riding in, naked, on a wrecking ball, knocking down all my emotional walls.” That was the most true thing I’ve said all night. I can’t believe I actually just said that to him.
I was totally serious about the Miley Cyrus thing, although I could see the humor in it.
I started to walk by him again and this time he let me pass.
I walked back to the room, but paused.
I thought over what just happened. Did that even really happen? Was Andy trying to tell me he cared and I was just pushing him away like everyone else? Did I want him to try to break down my walls?
The questions flowed through my head. It felt like I had been standing there for hours, but I knew it had only been a few seconds.
I took a deep breath and went to reach for the door but a hand grabbed for it before I could touch the handle.
I looked up, startled, to see Andy there giving me a pained and forced smile.
He gestured for me to go and as I passed he silently stopped me with his hand.
“Scarlett, I don’t care if you don’t want to let me in, I don’t care if you want to push me away, I will still try to help you. And I don’t pity you. I really like you and cant bare the thought of you not being here, of me not being able to get to know you. And as for the Miley Cyrus music video, If you wanted to see me naked, you could have just asked.” He whispered in my ear.
WHAT?!!! I screamed silently in my head, but continued to walk, as I felt my face burning bright red.
Notes
Sorry i havent updated in a while, It's been kinda hectic at school, i had to finish a project for the worst teacher ever and i have midterms coming up so Ive been trying to study, Plus, i admit i've been lazy and kinda depressed lately, but i promise i will try to update again and soon!
Please leave some feedback, its greatly appreciated!
Love y'all <3
@bvb army girl 64
Thank you!!!!
8/30/14