Blurry Waters

It's never a good day when I have to think, especially when the thoughts of my parents surface. I was sitting in my room, the box of blades open in front of me. I was staring at them, truly debating on destroying myself, or not. As I was debating, I heard strong feet coming up the hallway stairs. I hurried to put the box away so no one, whoever it was, saw them. The strong feet stopped at my door and didn't hesitate to walk in. I looked up to see a very handsome Austin and my two brothers; Conner and Jake. I hadn't realized, but there were tears coming down my face.

"Holy shit baby girl, why are you crying?" Austin asked with such concern that my adoration for him grew. I put my hand to my cheek, being gentle and very shocked when I pulled my hand away; wet. I looked confused and everyone noticed the confusion. Today was May 11. It has been exactly one year since my mother died. One year since her car tumbled over a cliff. One year since I was left with Conner. One year since I haven't been able to cope. One year since I picked up a horrible habit that I thought I had quit. One year since my father rejected me. One year since he said he didn't care; didn't love me. It has been one year since my world crumbled. I tried to stay strong but the tears began to flow and Jake, Conner, and Austin were by my side in a second.

"Do you realize what day it is?" I asked all three, my voice cracking from the tears stuck in my throat. Jake left when I was a baby, being as how I never knew him. But, Conner was there up until he was 18, and Austin had basically been a part of our family since birth. As soon as I said it, they all three realized it, that it was May 11th. That it had officially been one year since we lost an angel. The tears escaped Conner and Austin's eyes. But Jake stood still. He felt guilty and that was clear from his facial expressions. He left as a young teenager, no one knew why. I don't even think he knew. I was way to young to understand, but Conner did. It broke my mother's heart; from the stories I hear. She didn't know what she did wrong for her oldest son to leave. She beat herself up for years, even as I was older, I just never knew who she was talking about or that I even had another brother. She always said it was a friend. She let a great friend go, and she felt guilty every day of her life for not trying to find him. But it all makes sense now, the pieces to the puzzle fit. The friend was Jake, and he was her son. Jake feels guilty for leaving and going off to LA. At the time, when I was little, we lived in West Virginia. It wasn't until Conner and I got older that we moved to LA. It all makes sense, as to why she would tell me to turn off Black Veil Brides. She hated that I listened to that one particular band, no other. Just them, we would yell at each other and get into huge fights.. All because my brother, her son who never came back, was the guitarist.

"It's May 11th..." Austin said, the tears were killing him, his cheeks were frost bite red and his whole body was shaking. Conner too, but Jake was still still, the purest look of guilt on his face. I knew this was going to hurt, but I had to ask.

"Jake, why did you leave?" I asked, my voice laced with tears. The question caught him off guard, and it took him a few seconds to think how to answer.

"Mom hated the music I wanted to make. I had numerous bands in West Virginia, but mom refused to let me live my dream. So I left. I packed up all my valued shit, took the money I'd made from working a part time job, and came to LA. Here I found many people to be in a band, but no one was passionate. No one really wanted it as bad as I did. No one wanted to change lives. But I wanted that. It took me three years to find Andy, Ashley, Jinxx, and at the time, Sandra. We all came together to make music that saved teenage children's lives.." But none of it made sense. Mom didn't have a problem when me and Conner listened to the bands, but I didn't say a word, because he was already hurt enough. By this time he had tears streaking his cheeks.

"When I heard about the accident, I rushed to the hospital before you or Conner even found out. I needed to apologize, but it was too late. The life was an angel had already been taken by a drunk driver.." Jake was bawling, as was everyone else in the room.

"You should've stayed.." I said it in a barely audible whisper. But, somehow, Jake heard me.

"I know I should of, and regret surrounds me everyday for not staying. I should've been there for her, for Conner, and for most importantly.. You." Jake looked at my wrists when he said that. It made the tears form and fall even faster.

"But, that's the past, and there's nothing you can do about it.." I was cut off by the fast and steady ring of my phone, it was an unfamiliar number. But, I answered anyways.

"Hello.." I said it in an unsteady voice, because I didn't recognize the area code from West Virginia. I had one friend from there, and he moved with us, Austin.

"Um, Hello. Is this Aubrey?" The heavy voice of a man responded.


"Who is this please?" I was scared now..

"This is Johnathan Pitts.. I'm your father.." As soon as those words escaped the speaker of the phone, I hung up. He didn't want me, Conner, or Jake before, so why now? On this day? Everyone knew who it was by the anger and sadness in my eyes. I just couldn't handle today.

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