Blurry Waters

Jake answered his phone with corrosive thoughts.
"That was Conner. He's in the driveway, we'll be back later. I, uh. Won't tell him about your face." My saviour mumbled the last part with a concern laced into his voice, why was he here? As soon as I heard the door shut, I let myself shutdown as well. I leaned my back against the bedroom wall and began to slide down it slowly. The pure amnosity I felt for myself was stronger now than it ever has been before. I felt apathy, but of course that was just a lack of feeling. I let my mind wander. It's first stop ; My parents. Amythest Rose Pitts. I think about how she used to craddle me in her arms like no one could ever get a hold of me, a sure sign that all would be well with the world. Excpet, my mom, Amythest Rose Pitts didn't expect to tumble off a cliff in her brand new 2013 Honda. I remember being pulled from English. Mrs. Benson made her way to my desk with the purest look of sympathy.

"Aubrey, you're needed in the office, sweetie." I never second guessed any word she had said, until I was sitting in the office, shocked.

"Your brother Conner will be contacted seeing as he's your only family." Coming back to present time, I sigh. When all of that happened, I didn't know what to expect. Conner left home two years before, when he turned 18. Now, it's kind of hard to think about how hard we struggle just to stay a family. I would never break that by letting him know how badly I get bullied. My mind's next stop ; My father. I never knew him, because he didn't take the time to get to know me, he never cared about me or Conner. He cared too much about the drugs, so much so that he let them take over his life until he died from an overdose. I don't feel sad because he died, I feel sad because he never got to know his children. I kept my composure as I walked to my dresser and pulled out my beloved box of blades. With each swipe of the blade, I watch a pool of blood fall. I gauze up my legs and put my blades away, there's a place I need to go. I walked the 15 minutes to the cemetery. tears already threatening to fall. I walked through the paths until I reached my mother's name. I set a blanket down and sat in front of the gravestone. It's been months and I haven't visited.

"Mom.." I say as the tears are biting my eyes, threatening to pour.

"I.. I don't know what to do without you, you were my everything and without you, my life is nothing. And I swear I'm dying. I can't handle all of this.." This time when I said it, the tears poured.

"I miss you, mom." Through the tears, I managed to get that out. I leaned forward and kissed the gravestone. I stood up, leaving the blanket and my motivation there. Getting home, the driveway is still car-less, and the house is still motionless, so I decide to take the liberty of sharpening my blades. I walked to my room, knife sharpener in hand, and once I reached my room, I sat there, sharpening each one with care.

"What have I done wrong?" I whispered it to the nothing in my room.

"And you don't have the backbone, that everyone believes you do. So talk your shit, I'll give you a reason to."

I sang along to Woe, Is Me for a while till I heard multiple cars pull in the driveway. I didn't look to see who it was, I began putting in my "fancy" 00 gauges, my tounge, septum, bridge, shark bite, eyebrow, and the rest of my ear piercings in.

"Aubs! I have a few people I want you to meet!" Conner yelled from downstairs.

"Why the hell was Jake Pitts in the house today?" I yelled while walking down, but i got no response, instead, every Black Veil Brides member was on my couch..

Notes