Never Give In, Never Back Down

I woke the next morning to something soft and wet nuzzling against my neck. Raising my hand I felt a small furry body, and
reaching up I pet the small animal. Not wanting to startle it I sat up slowly and turned to see not one but two fuzz balls curled up on the
bed. I knew, of course, by looking at them that they were Ashley's dogs Killer and Tokyo.

Lifting Tokyo into my arms I tried to push myself off the bed. Killer protested and I placed Tokyo down beside him so I could
push myself up, at least to a sitting position. Once on my feet I knelt to place a kiss on both small dogs heads which was met with wet kisses
of their own. Picking up Tokyo once again I began walking toward the kitchen where a sweet aroma was exuding from. Killer was close
on my heels as I entered the kitchen and much to my surprise I found Ashley cooking.

"Well, hello, sleeping beauty." I blushed before bursting into hysterical laughter as I saw what he was wearing. "What are you
laughing at?"

"Well, for starters you don't have a shirt on and you're wearing an apron. Second it says 'kitchen princess' on it." Tokyo jumped
out of my arms and followed Killer into the other room. When I looked back up wiping a stray tear from my eye, Ashley was right in front
of me. Brushing a stray hair from my eyes he pulled me into his strong tattoo'd arms. Afer a few moments of staring at hello kitty i decided
it was about time this little embrace ended. Not wanting to make a big show of anything i licked the small inked hello kitty on his arm. He
pulled me out of his arms a look of shock on his face.

"did you just lick me?" I nodded my head waiting for his next question. "why?"

"I wanted to know what time it was..." he chuckled pointing to the clock behind him 11 o'clock am.

"So the guys want to meet up with us after breakfast. Would you like to go to the mall?" I looked up at him wondering where the
look in his eyes came from. It looked a lot like sympathy but, he couldn't know could he?

"Sure!" We each sat down with a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast. After breakfast i told him i was going to change. I slipped into
his room with him following me. I grabbed a few items of clothing from my bag before picking up my makeup bag. I left Ashley to change
in his room slipping into the bathroom and locking the door. I slowly lift his shirt over my head tossing it into a small pile on the floor.

Standing naked in the middle of his bathroom made me feel small and fragile. Insignificant in a way. However, pushing the
thought aside i quickly pulled on some ripped black jeans and a black veil brides tube top. On top of that i pulled on my homemade BVB
vest complete with every pin and BVB patch i own. On the back a faded, bleached, area read outcast. after about ten minutes of teasing
and combing my hair I looked in the mirror and gasped. For once i thought i looked beautiful.

Pulling out my makeup bag i began the grueling process of making myself look decent. First the black eyeliner and shadow,
mascara following, and finally a bright bloody red lipstick. Looking in the mirror I decided it was the best I could do and I turned,
grabbing Ashley's shirt, and opened the door.
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Ash had been in there for a good fifteen minutes, maybe i should check on her. I walked over to the door and placed my ear
against it. I heard nothing but the soft clicks of something being picked up or put down, and since it was so often i figured she was doing
makeup. However, I stayed at the door just to make sure, i knew it was locked, but if worst comes to worst i can pick it.

I stepped away as the door opened and i let out a breath i didn't know i'd been holding. I looked over at Ash as the angered look
came over her face and she placed her frail pale looking hand on her hip.

"What the fuck were you doing?" she said venom dripping from her voice.

I couldn't lie to her. Not because i didn't want to but because she shocked the truth out of me, and i didn't want her to hate me.

"I was making sure you didn't throw up again....i heard you yesterday." Her eyes widened and a pained expression came across her face
as her hand fell to her side. Just that small gesture confirmed that she had done it on purpose.

"Ash i don't want you to talk about it if you don't want to but I care about you and I want you to talk to me about this. I helped

Andy with the same problem i'm sure i can help you. Just please let me help, tell me what made you start to do this." I don't know why I was
babbling i just knew i couldn't stop. I didn't know what had hurt her so bad she had to hurt herself but i know that whatever it was needed
to be destroyed because it didn't deserve to walk around everyday having the satisfaction of hurting this girl.
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"Ok....i'll tell you. But, it's a long story." I knew I could trust Ashley, after all the band has helped me through I would feel guilty
not telling them how they saved me and what they'd saved me from.

"It's a long drive to the mall." I looked at him incredulously. It was only a five minute drive to the mall. "Ok" he chuckled "It's
a long drive if you go the long way that takes you OUT of LA." I laughed and told him to wait for me to get my bag. Running down the
hall i picked up my BVB over the shoulder bag, then i walked around the house placing items i would need into it. I had a brush, hair
spray, my bright bloody red lipstick, a lightweight shirt, my phone charger, headphones, an ipod, tarot cards, my song book, and several
different pens.

Ashley watched me, seemingly amused before telling me to get in the car. I hopped into the front seat of the car, pulling the seat
belt across my lap and waiting as he locked up the house. A few minutes later as we turned on the highway heading out of LA he turned
his head toward me, keeping his eyes on the road and said, "So, start from the beginning and tell me what happened."

"Well,..."
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Notes