Never Give In, Never Back Down

With Adam's advice in mind I drove back to the house. Opening the door I walked in, tossed the keys in the little bowl by the door, and started toward the kitchen for some well deserved food.

"Hello, Andy, you home?" I called to the seemingly empty house.

"We're in the bedroom!" I heard Jinxx say. I decided to see what they were up to and walked back towards our bedroom. When I walked in I was not expecting to see Andy running frantically from the closet to the bed pulling out clothes and makeup, his hair a complete mess.

"Um, you ok?" I grabbed him around the waist making him stand still.

"Not really, Juliet called, she wants to see me." I asked if he was considering going. "Yeah, I want to hear what she has to say." Oh, was all I replied before going back into the kitchen, leaving the boys to their frantic search. I made some hot cocoa and plopped down on the couch, flipping on a recorded episode of one of my new favorite shows Supernatural. It was one of the first episodes where Dean tries to convince Sam to come look for their father with him and ends up with Sam's girlfriend engulfed in flames on the ceiling. Sam decides to go with Dean because he can't
deal with the loss and knows it's all his fault.

About halfway through the episode I hear Andy and Jinxx leave. They shouted a goodbye as they walked behind the couch and I felt skinny arms wrap around my neck and kiss my cheek a few moments before I heard the click of the door. That's when my mind began to take over, it always does that when I'm alone. I began to think about how the entire situation was all my fault. If I had never met Ashley I would never have asked him to meet the band. I never would have met Andy; Ashley never would have fallen for me; Andy never would have been worried about me; I never would have told them
about my past; Andy never would have asked me out; Ashley never would have kissed me; he never would have been kicked out of the band; I never would have had to replace him and I wouldn't be feeling the way I did now. The way Andy fumbled about like a child over a girl he'd been broken up with for over a year now, the far away look in his eyes when he told me where he was going, and the fear in my heart that he still loves her.

I scrolled through my contacts, looking for one in particular, when I found it I just stared at the name wondering if I should call or not.

Ashley, the only person I would want to talk to about this situation, the only person who would understand, but the only person I couldn't call. So,
I settled for calling Adam.

"Hey, what's up?" I heard his sleepy voice on the other end of the line. "Are you ok?"

"Not really." I mumbled, tears in my voice.

"What happened Ash? Do I need to come over?" I nodded into the air but, when I spoke I said no with as much strength I could muster.

"Andy...went to talk to Juliet, he seemed nervous and happy, I don't know how to feel. I'm scared I might lose him."

"Oh, Ash. It's probably nothing. If it was serious he would have talked to you about it. Don't worry about it right now, you have enough
on your plate. Ok?"

"Ok. Thanks Adam. I'm going to go take a shower now, I'll call you later ok?" I waited for his response before I hung up. Then I cut off the
television and went back to our room. I turned on the water, stripped, and got in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few hours later...

"Babe...Ash...I'm home!" I didn't get an answer. Hm, that's not like her, she would have left me a note if she went anywhere. I wandered into the bedroom and a few minutes later noticed there was a light on under the bathroom door. Maybe she didn't hear me when I came in, it sounds like the shower is running. I pushed open the door, hearing the faint sounds of someone crying. I pulled back the curtains and sitting under the icy cold water was Ash, shivering, and crying.

"Ash! What's wrong?" I turned the water off and pulled her up from the floor and into my arms. Her skin was freezing and her lips had a hint of blue to them.

"talk to me baby, what's wrong?" I begged, kneeling in front of her. All she did was keep crying. I wrapped her in a towel and left the room to find some warm clothes. I came back with a pair of fleece pants and a sweatshirt. Once I'd dressed her I carried her into the bedroom and covered her with all the blankets I could find. I knelt beside the bed, taking her hand in mine, "please, baby, tell me what's going on?" She shook her head and I watched as a tear slipped from her eyes.

"Ok, you can tell me when you're ready." I crawled into bed beside her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She seemed to stiffen when I touched her and only relaxed when she was asleep.
The next few days she only got out of bed for band practice but, she wasn't acting like herself. The energy wasn't there during practice and it felt like she wasn't there at home. Her behavior was starting to worry me so, I called the rest of the guys over to the house.

"What is it Andy?" Jake said when he walked through the door, the last one, as usual. He took a seat on the couch with the rest of the guys.

"It's Ash." They all looked around to each other and then back to me. "What? Do you guys know something that I don't? I'm worried about her, she hasn't been eating, she's sleeping all the time, a few days ago I came home to find her crying in the shower it looked like she'd been there for hours. I don't know what to do. I love her and it kills me to see her like this I just don't know how to help."

"Well, for starters we have to figure out what made her act like this." Jinxx said looking up from his phone.

"Yeah!" C.C. chimed in.

"A few days ago when you were over Jinxx. Come to think of it she was acting weird since right before we left that day."

"Well, you were going to see Juliet. Maybe that has something to do with it." The others stared at me in disbelief.

"What?!?!" I cried.

"So, let me get this right...She only started to act weird when you went to go see your ex-girlfriend." said Jake.

"Well when she came in he was pacing the room like a lost puppy, looking like hell, she stopped him and asked what was wrong and he replied that Juliet had called and wanted to see him, that's when she got this weird look in her eyes but, I guess you didn't notice because when she asked if you were going you said you wanted to know what she had to say." Jinxx explained with a smug look on his face.

"Really, Andy, that's your EX-GIRLFRIEND. She probably thinks you still have feelings for her and feels like she has to worry about Juliet now. Plus, what's been going on with Ashley getting kicked out and Ash replacing him, it's probably too much for her."

"I...never thought about it like that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into the room just as Andy collapsed onto the coffee table, his head in his hands.

"Andy, what's wrong?" I asked, Jinxx, Jake, and C.C. all turned to look at me. He raised his head slowly tears forming in his eyes and my
heart sank. He's going to break up with me.

"Ash, come here, can we talk?" I stood there, frozen for a moment before I bolted into the bathroom tears flooding my vision. I slammed the
door in his face and quickly twisted the lock, a few seconds before I felt the knob moving on my back. Andy begged to be let in, he pounded on the
door, it sounded like he was crying. After a few minutes he stopped. I crawled into the tub and cried until I fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"She won't talk to me, she's locked herself in the bathroom. I can hear her crying." I paced in front of the rest of the guys, running my fingers through my hair.

"Let me go see if I can get her out of there." Jake got up and walked into my bedroom. A few minutes later he walked back out a small smile on his lips.

"What happened? Why are you smiling?"

"She's asleep. Poor thing must have cried herself to sleep but, I can hear her snoring from the door." I chuckled a little because that girl could fall asleep anywhere she laid her head.

"Well, what do we do now? I don't want her sleeping in there." Jinxx stood up and told us to follow him. Once we got into the bedroom he pulled out a set of bobby pins.

"This is a trick I learned from Sammi." He knelt in front of the bathroom door and slipped the pins into the lock. A few seconds later I heard a small click and he opened the door. We all crammed into the small bathroom as I pulled back the curtain revealing the sleeping form of my girlfriend. She had tear tracks down her cheeks but, she still looked beautiful to me. I picked her up, kissing her cheek, and pushed past the rest of the guys to put her down in the bed. I covered her and we all left the room as silently as we could.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up early, the pale light shining on my face. I leaned over the bed and grabbed my phone off the charger, nine-thirty am. Wait, when
did I leave the bathroom? I don't remember getting into the bed last night. Confused I got up and walked out of the bedroom, tucking my phone into
my pocket. Just as I was sitting on the couch Andy walked in the door. I was about to jump up and run but, he sat down and wrapped his arm around me.

"Look, Ash, I know that you're upset with me. I'm fairly sure I know why but, I would like you to tell me."

"Andy..."

"No, I need to know exactly what I'm doing wrong to make it right."

"You asked me out. I hoped that meant you actually cared about me but, then you seemed all excited and nervous about seeing Juliet. I know
I'm nothing like her, I can't be her. If she's what you want then you need to look somewhere else besides here because, I'm not it. I want to be
with you but, with the way you acted about going to see Juliet I feel like you don't feel the same for me. I'm not a charity case." I started crying.
I didn't think it would hurt this much.

"Ash, I was nervous because I hadn't seen her since I broke up and I was going to tell her about you. I knew she'd be mad at me and I didn't
want HER to feel hurt. I know I should have been more sympathetic to your feelings on the subject and I wasn't. I can't take that back but, I can
promise you that from now on I will do my best to make sure that I'm not upsetting you. I broke my promise to you that I would never let you be that
upset again and I am so sorry." He knelt in front of me and took my hands. "I'm not saying I'm going to be perfect but, I love you Ash and I want to
be with you and only you. Juliet doesn't hold my heart anymore you do and while I still care about her I have no romantic feelings for her, I can
promise you that."

I nodded and slide onto the floor and into his lap. "I love you Andy." I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head into his shoulder.

He lifted my chin so I was looking him in the eyes. "I love you too Ash."

He leaned in and kissed me softly, I hesitated a moment before kissing him back. I felt his warm hand on the side of my face pulling me closer and I obliged, I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck deepening the kiss. Soon we were laying on the floor his hot breath on my neck, one hand in his hair, the other wrapped tightly around his waist. A few moments later we pulled
away from one another breathing heavily. I stroked his cheek, thoughtful for a moment on what lay ahead for us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few days later...

It's today, the day I've been both dreading and eagerly awaiting, my first concert as bassist of Black Veil Brides. I'm backstage, waiting on my cue to run out on stage and take my place. Once it was given I raced on stage as fast as I could taking my place behind and to the left of Andy. Just before the lights came up he turned and blew a kiss to me. The lights flashed in strobes at first as Andy screams his first haunting notes. My nerves started acting up but, I smiled and carried on the bass vibrating beneath my fingertips. With every note I became more and more conifident.
The first song was "I am Bulletproof."

"I got something to live for I know that I won't surrender!" I strummed at my bass and looked up at Andy who was staring straight at me. I
blushed and walked over to him, leaning my back against his as he sang, me joining in when Ashley would have. I felt really guilty up on this stage.
I didn't feel like I had earned it like I did the last time I was on stage with Andy, I felt like I had taken someone else's rightful place, someone
else deserved to be standing where I was standing. My smile faltered for only a moment before I regained control of my emotions. I know I have to do
something about this because, I knew I wasn't going to go on stage again as a bassist for Black Veil Brides. I had to find a way for Ashley and Andy
to talk.

We continued the set:
1. I am Bulletproof
2. Perfect Weapon
3. Days are Numbered
4. In the End
5. The Legacy
6. Resurrect the Sun
7. Wretched and Divine

By the time we got off stage I was hot, sweaty, and tired. Playing an instrument and trying to keep a high emotion show is tough. The second
I was backstage I rushed for a glass of water and a very much needed glass of whiskey which I'm sure both Ashley and Andy would be proud of. Suddenly,
my vision went black but, it wasn't because I passed out, someone was covering my eyes.

"Who is it?" I asked as sinisterly sweet as I could muster.

"You're amazing boyfriend." A voice called from a good distance away. I spun around and saw that it was in fact Andy.

"You did a great show tonight babe, I'm proud of you." He hugged me tightly and we walked over to the voice from earlier which turned out to be Adam. Next to him was a fierce looking girl, as I got closer I realized not only was she not a she but a he but, they were holding hands. I assumed this must be Miya, Adam's lovely but constantly absent lover.

"Adam!!" I cried as I threw my arms around him. A few seconds later I untangled myself from Adam and introduced myself to Miya, who looked a
little uncomfortable. "Adam has told me so much about you! Geez, you're gorgeous!"

"I know."

"You're a real talker, huh? Well, anyway there's an after party at Andy and I's place if you two want to make an appearance." Adam and Miya
both shook their heads no at roughly the same time. They did praise me on a good show before leaving so they didn't get bum rushed by the fans high-
tailing it out of the venue.

After a few minutes of searching I found Andy and the rest of the guys. "Let's go home Andy." I was still feeling guilty about Ashley.

"Sure." We all piled into the car and went back to Andy and I's house where we sat around drinking. After awhile I felt like I couldn't keep my guilt-free charade going much longer so I decided to take a walk. I slipped outside without anyone noticing, so I wouldn't interrupt their party, and began walking down the street little puffs of breath clinging to the air. About twenty minutes later I realized I was on a familiar street. I was getting close to Ashley's house. Well, no time like the present to fix the situation, I'll give it a shot. I walked up to his door and knocked.

Less than a minute later the door swung open to reveal a shirtless Ashley with a bottle of Jack. I didn't even bother to explain why I was there I pushed my way in the door and took a seat on the couch.

"Um....hello." He said as he shut the door.

"I need to talk to you." He gave me a leveled look and nodded as if to continue. "I want you back in the band. I know Andy is mad but, I can handle him. I just need you to know that in the future things like that can't happen. I do love you but, I don't think it's the kind of love that you want me to have for you. Granted if you had asked me to be your girlfriend first I probably would have said yes but, I don't think it would be a good idea now. I'm involved with your best friend and even if I wasn't I would still love him. I feel guilty taking your place as bassist in the band because, I don't feel like I deserve it but, I know you do."

"Look Ash, I know that you don't love me the way I love you and, eventually, I'll accept that but, the whole deal with Andy is skating on thin ice. I'm not sure he would even want me back. I've done a lot of thinking since last week and I'm willing to try since the band is my family and I love them more than anything in the world, no offense but, I don't want a girl to come between us. Not that you're just ANY girl, you're family now. However, you're wrong. You do deserve to play in my place and if your plan doesn't work I want you to continue to play in my place."

"How do you know I deserve it? I feel like crap about taking your place, I only did it because, Andy asked me to. My heart wasn't in it."

"I know but, I saw you on that stage tonight and you had an amazing presence. You filled that room with life and I wouldn't want you to feel guilty about taking my place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RING....RING....RING...."Hello? Andy?"

"Ash, where are you? The guys just left and I looked all over the place."

"I'm at Ashley's."

"YOU'RE WHERE?!?!?!" I could feel the anger in his voice.

"Andy, let me explain." I waited until I heard him take a breath before I continued. "I felt guilty about taking Ashley's place because, I felt like I didn't deserve it. Ashley's rightful place is up on that stage with you guys and because I got involved in your lives I took that away from him. He's an amazing bass player and you guys need him, and he needs you. I went to talk with him about it because I don't want to see a friendship with you two end over me. I'm not leaving until you let him back in the band and sort this mess out."

"I'll be there in five minutes." I heard the click. I knew he was mad at me but, if it brings this band back together then my relationship will just have to wait.

Just like he said five minutes later there was a knock at the door. To avoid conflict I answered the door.

"Ok, I'm here."

"Let's go sit down ok?" He nodded and sat in the chair nearest to the exit, as far away from Ashley as he could manage. I could cut the tension with a knife, I felt horrible that I had created this tension. "So, Ashley and I have been talking and I explained to him that I am with you and I would not be leaving you. He agreed that for this to work he's going to have to put aside his feelings for me and get used to the fact that you and I are together."

"I understand that she doesn't care for me as anything more than a really good friend. I don't want to lose that friendship with her but, I don't want to lose my friendship with you either, Andy, you've been my best friend for a long time and a girl shouldn't be what comes between us. I know you love her and I know what I did was wrong but, I can give you my word that it will not happen again."

"It's hurting me to see the two of you fight like this, Andy. Before I came into your lives you and Ashley's relationship was fine. This is one blemish on his flawless record with you. Please, give him another chance."

"I'm not saying I trust you Ashley. Nor am I saying that I'm going to be comfortable with you around Ash but, under the circumstance, especially if I want my girlfriend to come home..." he mumbled that part under his breath, "then I guess you're back in the band and we're cool under one condition."

"Name it, I'd do anything."

"You're not allowed to have even a second alone with Ash."

Notes