There were no words to describe the feelings on Andy’s face.
He now realized what had smoldered underneath the surface for years. Did he feel betrayed, tricked?
His eyes gleamed; he could hardly hold back his feelings. It was terrible to see him like this and it hurt.
“Ashley?” he asked again and I held my breath. “Is that true?”
Ashley let his arm sink, stepped back, inhaled deeply.
“I … I wanted to tell you.”
I sighed with closed eyes. Well, at last it was out now.How was Andy going to react?
At first he didn’t do anything but staring at his best friend who obviously wanted Andy to be more than just a friend. “Since when?” he asked eventually with clenched teeth.
“What?”
“Since when?”
Ashley painfully made a face and I felt a little bit sorry for him. This was torture.
He changed. The dangerous animal was gone and the only thing that was left was a boy who didn’t know how to deal with his feelings.
“I ... I don’t know … since the beginning …”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Andy asked and he sounded so desperate like I’ve never heard it before.
I inhaled deeply. Now it got personal. “I should better –“
Andy glanced at me piercing. “You stay.” he ordered clearly.
I blinked frightened. Then he turned to Ashley again and for some strange reasons the disappointment in his eyes turned to rage. “So.” he continued. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you really think it would make things better when I find out myself? Oh wait, I didn’t even find out myself. I found out by hearing you threatening my girlfriend!”
Ashley opened the mouth in order to say something but then hesitated. “I didn’t threat her.”
“Oh shut up, of course you did. Maybe indirectly but you did.”
“I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what? Of me?”
“Of your reaction.”
“Of my reaction? What did you think of how I would react? That I smile and hug you and tell you that it’s okay? Because it’s not. If you would have told me just at the beginning we would have been able to search for a solution but now … I’m completely … overtaxed.”
I hated it. I hated it to see the sadness and the despair in his wonderful blue eyes.
“Andy … it has never been my intention to upset you. But living with you hasn’t been easy for me. I always tried to overlook and to forget the girls-stories you had before you got together with Victoria. But even though it worked sometimes I nevertheless felt the jealousy. And I hid it. But now … to see that you’re happy with her … made me crazy.”
Andy audibly took a breath and ran his hand through his hair.
For a very long moment he just stood there and stared straight ahead.
“Did you tell anybody else?”
“Jake. He promised me not to tell you.”
“Oh great. Another liar.”
“No he’s not a liar! He even urged me to tell you but I was afraid. So please don’t blame him for this.”
“I blame who ever I want!!” Andy suddenly roared. Oh no, now he really was furious. His eyes changed and I realized that I should better not touch him right now. Self-confident he stepped towards Ashley. “Do you realize what you did there at all?! What you destroyed? I was happy, Ashley! Do you understand? I was happy! This is the girl I love!” He pointed at me but I didn’t dare to move or reply anything.
“After today nothing will be like it was before, everything will change! I have no idea how I shall deal with you now because you could understand everything I say wrong! I feel so betrayed! You are my best friend Ashley! At last that’s what I thought … We both know we won’t get rid of each other that fast! We have to live with each other! So what do you think we should do? I have absolutely no idea! God!”
A single tear ran down Ashley’s cheek and now I really felt sorry for him. But what did he expect? If Jake had really urged him why didn’t he tell Andy?
“Andy I’m so sorry … it’s my entire fault … I …”
“You’re sorry? That definitely is not enough.”
With these words he turned around and plodded into the darkness, upstairs.
I gave Ashley a short look, who still stood in the middle of the kitchen, desperate and lost but then I ran after my boyfriend.

---

“Don’t you dare defending him!”
“I don’t defend him, Andy! What Ash did there was stupid and irresponsible and it was selfish. He should have told you.”
Powerless he sank onto our bed and covered his face in his hands.
Carefully I laid one hand on his hair as if he would immediately startle.
“It’s okay to be furious now but don’t convict him of his feelings. I would have behaved the same if I’d been him.”
“But he should have told me earlier … much earlier. Then it would have been easier to digest it. And I could have learned how to deal with it.”
“I know. But … do you remember how we got to know each other? It was at your third concert last year. I was terribly excited when I stood in that queue in front of the merch tent. I got all my stuff signed and took some pictures … and then – right when I intended to leave again – it was you who did the first move. That only made it worse, I was shaking and I didn’t get out a word. But I made a YES when you asked me to meet you afterwards. And then I fell in love with you even more.”
He smiled. “Yeah I remember. Your cheeks were flushing and you just couldn’t decide whether to look at my hands or my eyes or …”
“Because you were just too beautiful. But what I wanted to say is:It’s never easy to take the first step and in case of Ashley I believe it’s even harder. To say it again: He was stupid und reckless. But just because he has these deep feelings for you, just like I do. So give him a chance. A chance to explain himself.”
He ran his tongue over his lower lip, then lifted the head and looked at me. Then he nodded.

Notes