Sunlight poured in through the cheap curtains of the motel room that he was currently sleeping in. Andy only groaned as he turned over, throwing an arm over the body that laid beside him in the bed. Andy yawned-it had been a long night last night after their show and while he had had fun going to whatever party they had gone to…Andy felt tired. Not just tired in the sense of being asleep, but he felt more tired with his current lifestyle and situation.

It had been six months-six very long months and every day it seemed to get harder and harder. Ashley had been helping him cope-giving him alcohol and introducing him to girls, but really Andy only wanted one thing and that was something that was never going to happen. He yawned again, cracking an eye open as he turned over to face the person next to him in bed and after starring at the back of the light blonde head resting there, Andy felt something in him stir. Was this-it couldn’t be…could it?

Lily…

It-it couldn’t be…this had to be a dream. Andy blinked his eyes a few times, expecting the blonde beside him to either disappear or her hair color to change to some other shade. Nope, the light blonde was still laying next to him-her hair covering her face but he could tell she was stirring. She sighed and Andy felt the breath leave his chest-Lily would do that when she first woke in the morning. Could…could this really be Lily? Had the entire six months without her just been a dream-nightmare-that he was now just waking up from?

Andy sat up, rubbing the back of his head and he smirked as he caught site of himself in the mirror that hung across from the bed. His black hair was still teased, the blonde streak in it going this way and that-he had put that there in honor of Lily but maybe he wouldn’t need it anymore. Andy looked down and noticed that the girl beside him was finally waking up and he moved closer to peer into her slightly covered face.

Brown eyes.

Andy felt his heart sink-he had been so sure that this had been Lily and yet the evidence was staring him in the face-a brown pair of eyes that were caked in smeared red and black makeup. The girl smirked at him, her lips curving in to what she thought was a seductive smile, but Andy only felt the anger and sadness in him grow. The girl was still smiling at him and Andy could only move from the bed, his arms crossing over his chest as he entered the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him.

Sitting on the toilet, all Andy could do was to think about how drunk he had gotten last night. He remembered getting off stage and Ashley throwing an arm around his shoulders as he walked the singer back towards their small dressing room. There were girls waiting back there-the bottle blonde included-and they had all decided that they were going to go party back at their motel.

Andy had drank-way too much as usual-and now as he sat there in the bathroom with his head in his hands and fighting back tears he realized that he had been attracted to the blonde simply because she did look so much like Lily. Her hair, the way she walked and talked-everything screamed Lily…except for her eyes. Nothing against brown eyes, but Andy was only interested in one set of beautiful orbs and those were Lily’s lavender ones. Andy sat there, the girl knocking on the door loudly, yelling at him to come out because she had to leave to get in to work. Andy scoffed-he wasn’t leaving this bathroom until he was sure that the girl had left and so he made himself comfortable.

Andy looked around him, his head was throbbing and all he could seem to focus on was a cheap painting that was next to the bathroom door. Flowers-he had never gotten Lily flowers and suddenly Andy began to remember every moment with her that had been wasted. All the little fights and spats-wasting all that time dancing around one another when they should have made love from the very beginning. Wasted…all of it wasted.


“Dude…it’s safe…” A voice called out from the other side of the door and Andy only smirked as he rose, his arms still crossed over his bare chest and the door popped open. Ashley stood on the other side, looking just as tired as Andy felt and both guys looked at one another with laughter in their eyes.

“Thanks man…I was worried this one was going to be like the last and insist on sitting around for a few hours…” Andy mumbled as he passed the bass player and bent down to grab for a pair of sort of clean looking pants.

“Well you need to take a page from my personal book then.” Ashley said as he flopped down on his own bed and began to tug on clothes. They were somewhere in Ohio-the small tour that they had been booked on to promote their first album which was dropping the next day.

“Oh and what’s that? Didn’t you have a girl last night too?” Andy asked, tugging a shirt over his head and then he was smirking over at his best friend. Ashley just ran a hand through his dirty black hair and nodded his head behind him towards the still open door to their motel room.

“That’s what I’m talking about-you fuck ‘em and then you kick their asses out. No more of this cuddling shit Andy…nip that shit in the bud and you will be golden.” Ashley said and Andy only nodded as he looked down at the ripped out knees of his skinny jeans.


He ran a hand through his hair and looked behind him at the messy unmade bed that he was sitting on the edge of. Cuddling had been the best part of his nights with Lily, but there again he wasn’t with Lily anymore. Andy groaned-his head was pounding and Ashley only smirked at him as he reached down and grabbed for something out of a bag that sat on the floor. Andy was soon handed a large almost empty bottle of Seagram’s and he winced as he opened the cap and took a big swig. Ashley only kept smiling as he took the bottle from the singer and took his own swig before placing it back in his bag.

The two of them moved around the room in near silence, making sure that they had everything before they hit the road. There was an excitement in the air between the two-they both knew that by this time tomorrow their very first album would be out on the shelves and on itunes. Andy smirked as he thought back to recording the album-it had started out fun, turned in to hard work and then became somewhat therapeutic for him. After Lily had died Andy had had a lot of anger in him that he needed to get out and he had been able to do that through music.


“Well look who it is!” Someone shouted from behind them and Andy only smirked as he spun around and watched as a guy with short brown hair ran towards him. Andy threw out his arms as the two of them embraced and Andy laughed as he was picked up and then set back down by someone who had quickly become his best friend.

Matt Good

“What’s going on man?” Andy asked as he looked down at his best friend and smirked. He and Matt had grown close over the tour-both of them being singers for their own bands and they both had the same weird sense of humor. In a way having Matt around was like having Lily back for Andy.

“Nothing. Where did you disappear to last night man? Tons of fans were hanging out last night asking for you…” Matt said, his blue eyes concerned as he looked up at the one guy on the entire tour that he trusted almost as much as his own band.

“Oh-we-uh…yeah…” Andy said, a blush creeping across the bridge of his nose as the two guys, followed by Ashley, walked down the steps of their motel and Andy looked around.

“Dude-I get that you’re going through some shit, but you can’t just disappear and leave the fans hanging.” Matt said, his tone playful but Andy could hear the seriousness behind his words.


As they walked down to the parking lot and Andy looked around, he noticed that their van and trailer were both completely packed up and Jake and Jinxx were sitting in the front two seats, with CC hanging out around the back of their trailer. Jon, their tour manager, was in the front office paying for their rooms and Andy only flicked his head to get his hair out of his eyes as he dug around for a cigarette. They were moving north towards Michigan and Andy only smiled as he thought back over their show last night.
The kids had gone crazy and while he and the guys were only considered an opening band-it was obvious that most of the kids were there to see them and Matt’s band From First To Last.

Andy clapped Matt on the back, telling him he would catch him later that night at the club and with that Andy walked towards their van. Jinxx looked up at him from his book-disapproval in his eyes as he took in Andy’s appearance of the same clothes that he had been in on stage the night before. Andy only shrugged, that boyish grin on his lips as he got into the van and settled on the bench behind the driver’s seat. No one sat in the very back anymore-Andy felt sad even just looking back there because all it did was bring up memories of he and Lily.

God he needed a fucking drink right about now.


“We all ready to head out fellas?” Jon asked as he got into the van and took a seat next to Andy. The singer only groaned as he rested his head up against the window to his left and shut his eyes.

Lily-all he could see was Lily and quickly Andy’s eyes popped open and he tried to focus on something else.

“Yeah-trailer is all packed and ready. Morning sunshine…” CC said, patting a hand against Andy’s knee as he passed the front bench and moved to sit right behind the singer.

“Mornin…nothing good about it though.” Andy grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. All he wanted to do was pass out-forget everything that had happened last night and shit…could he just forget the past eight months?


All Andy wanted to do was go back-back to when he and Lily had been together and were happy. There was no war, no fighting, no army and no one had died. Instead he was stuck in the van with five guys who only wanted to bring up his constant misery every single day of his existence. Yes-existence. Andy wasn’t living anymore…he had died when Lily had died and with that some of his passion for music had died as well. It’s not that he didn’t want to meet fans-Andy loved their Army and he loved being there for them.

That was what the record would be for. He couldn’t look at them though because in them he saw Lily-saw her fears and her problems. Every time a girl would come up to him, showing her scars to him and telling him that because of their music that she was two weeks clean…all he wanted to do was break down and cry. He had the first few times, engulfing whatever fan was before him in a bone crushing hug until finally he realized that being that close to them was only making him feel worse.


“Oh come on Andy…we’re heading north! Going to territory that rock has hardly been able to touch! We’re reaching fans that need us man…” CC said, his voice excited and over enthusiastic but Andy wasn’t buying it. Losing Lily had been hard on both the singer and the drummer and Andy knew that CC was trying to hide his pain through over excitement and laughter. Good for him…

Andy wished he could do that same.


“Oh…yay.” Andy said as he reached behind him and pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up to cover the top of his head and most of his face.

“Dude…you’re gonna have to come to accept some shit soon or else you’re going to explode.” CC’s voice was right in Andy’s ear and the singer only grimaced as he shrugged and sunk lower in his seat.

“I’ll never accept that she’s gone…I know she’s out there…somewhere.” Andy said, his voice defiant and CC only rolled his eyes as he cracked open a Monster and sat back in his seat.


The guys didn’t understand-they probably never would and they all thought he was crazy when he told them of his visit from the Angel Uriel. Sure-Lily was in Heaven, but she wasn’t training to be an Angel Warrior. That’s what they told him and as Andy watched the scenery pass him by he wondered if maybe they were right. The only problem…he knew Lily was out there somewhere and she was trying to get to him.

She was trying to tell him something…

Notes

Hey there kids! First chapter is up and while I can't promise anything I will try to update this as much as I can. The holidays are upon us and that means I'm busier than ever. So please be patient and know that if it takes me a bit to update it's because I'm working hard for you guys.

Please read and review <3

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