Change My Ways
Darkness
It got dark. I was cold, and wet, and alone. I wanted to go back to the bus, but I couldn’t face anyone. My phone was back at my bunk, and I didn’t know my way back.
But at the same time, I wanted to stay here. I wanted to stay here, go to sleep, and never wake up. Maybe if I closed my eyes, fate would be kind enough to grant me that one wish.
I rested my head on my knees and shut my eyes, ready to give in. This was going to end now, and I was glad. I forgot about the band, the tour; I forgot about Logan and Tara and Andy. I forgot myself.
I began to hear voices, which led me to closing my eyes tighter.
No, I thought. I don’t want to be saved.
“Alex!” I began to make out the shouting. It was Andy. CC fucking told him.
I made out the other voices as CC, Tara, and Logan. Shit, CC probably told everyone!
Please, I thought. Please, sleep, hurry up. I don’t want to face them, I don’t want to be saved.
“Alex!” I heard again, closer this time. I opened my eyes to see flashlight beams flickering on the trees opposite me. I pushed myself further back into my hiding spot. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?
I buried my face in my knees and squeezed my eyes shut.
“Andy,” I heard CC say. They were super close. “Andy, we’ve been searching for hours, and you’re exhausted. We’ll come back in the morning; the busses aren’t going to leave without her.”
Yes, I thought. Come back in the morning, and find me after the sleep takes me.
“No,” Andy snapped. “I’m not losing her again.”
“Andy-” CC tried. He was cut off by what sounded like a punch. I looked up, wide-eyed, as CC fell off of the overhang and landed in front of me.
“I’m not giving up on her!” Andy yelled.
“Andy,” CC said quietly, looking right at me. “I found her.”
“Alex!” Andy gasped. He jumped off of the overhang, careful not to land on CC. He pulled me out of my hiding spot and hugged me tightly. He was so warm. “Oh my god, you’re freezing. What the fuck are you doing all the way out here?”
“I panicked,” I whispered. “CC was threatening to tell you and I didn’t know what to do.”
“Why would that be a threat?” he murmured, picking me up. I was so small compared to him it was almost funny. “I couldn’t be mad at you, I’m just glad you’re okay. Let’s get you back to the bus.”
I wrapped my arms around Andy’s neck and held on tight as he carried me back to the bus. I saw Logan give me a disapproving look and looked down. He knew I lied to him about who I was; I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to end our relationship. That thought made me want to cry.
Andy brought me onto his bus and laid me down on the couch.
“Katie?” Ashley asked. “What the hell happened?”
“Leave her alone for the night,” Andy said, covering me with a blanket. “We’ll talk about it in the morning when she’s ready.”
Jinxx gave me a knowing look, and I couldn’t look him in the eye. He had been right, and we both knew it.
“Logan, Tara, head back to your bus,” Andy ordered. “You can talk to her in the morning when she’s ready to talk.”
Logan shrugged and left. Was he that mad at me? Or was he just being an ass? Either way, that sent me over the edge. I was done with that relationship.
“I’m not leaving my best friend,” Tara countered. “I don’t care if it means I’ve got to sleep on the floor like a dog; my Kitten needs me so I’m not leaving her.”
“Tara-” Andy tried to argue.
“Let her stay,” I said quietly. “Please.”
“Alright,” Tara said. “It’s time to make Kitten feel better. Y’all are gonna get what I ask you to get, then you’re gonna leave the two of us alone.”
“Tara,” I groaned.
“Like it or not, I know how to make you feel better,” she cut in.“ CC, I need all of the Doctor Who DVDs you can get your hands on. Andy, get her some sweatpants, slippers, an oversized hoodie, and a beanie. Jake, I need three gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. Jinxx, get as many blankets and pillows as you can. And Ashley, find stuffed animals; lots of them. Preferably armadillos, cats, zebras, and deer. Move it people!”
But at the same time, I wanted to stay here. I wanted to stay here, go to sleep, and never wake up. Maybe if I closed my eyes, fate would be kind enough to grant me that one wish.
I rested my head on my knees and shut my eyes, ready to give in. This was going to end now, and I was glad. I forgot about the band, the tour; I forgot about Logan and Tara and Andy. I forgot myself.
I began to hear voices, which led me to closing my eyes tighter.
No, I thought. I don’t want to be saved.
“Alex!” I began to make out the shouting. It was Andy. CC fucking told him.
I made out the other voices as CC, Tara, and Logan. Shit, CC probably told everyone!
Please, I thought. Please, sleep, hurry up. I don’t want to face them, I don’t want to be saved.
“Alex!” I heard again, closer this time. I opened my eyes to see flashlight beams flickering on the trees opposite me. I pushed myself further back into my hiding spot. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?
I buried my face in my knees and squeezed my eyes shut.
“Andy,” I heard CC say. They were super close. “Andy, we’ve been searching for hours, and you’re exhausted. We’ll come back in the morning; the busses aren’t going to leave without her.”
Yes, I thought. Come back in the morning, and find me after the sleep takes me.
“No,” Andy snapped. “I’m not losing her again.”
“Andy-” CC tried. He was cut off by what sounded like a punch. I looked up, wide-eyed, as CC fell off of the overhang and landed in front of me.
“I’m not giving up on her!” Andy yelled.
“Andy,” CC said quietly, looking right at me. “I found her.”
“Alex!” Andy gasped. He jumped off of the overhang, careful not to land on CC. He pulled me out of my hiding spot and hugged me tightly. He was so warm. “Oh my god, you’re freezing. What the fuck are you doing all the way out here?”
“I panicked,” I whispered. “CC was threatening to tell you and I didn’t know what to do.”
“Why would that be a threat?” he murmured, picking me up. I was so small compared to him it was almost funny. “I couldn’t be mad at you, I’m just glad you’re okay. Let’s get you back to the bus.”
I wrapped my arms around Andy’s neck and held on tight as he carried me back to the bus. I saw Logan give me a disapproving look and looked down. He knew I lied to him about who I was; I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to end our relationship. That thought made me want to cry.
Andy brought me onto his bus and laid me down on the couch.
“Katie?” Ashley asked. “What the hell happened?”
“Leave her alone for the night,” Andy said, covering me with a blanket. “We’ll talk about it in the morning when she’s ready.”
Jinxx gave me a knowing look, and I couldn’t look him in the eye. He had been right, and we both knew it.
“Logan, Tara, head back to your bus,” Andy ordered. “You can talk to her in the morning when she’s ready to talk.”
Logan shrugged and left. Was he that mad at me? Or was he just being an ass? Either way, that sent me over the edge. I was done with that relationship.
“I’m not leaving my best friend,” Tara countered. “I don’t care if it means I’ve got to sleep on the floor like a dog; my Kitten needs me so I’m not leaving her.”
“Tara-” Andy tried to argue.
“Let her stay,” I said quietly. “Please.”
“Alright,” Tara said. “It’s time to make Kitten feel better. Y’all are gonna get what I ask you to get, then you’re gonna leave the two of us alone.”
“Tara,” I groaned.
“Like it or not, I know how to make you feel better,” she cut in.“ CC, I need all of the Doctor Who DVDs you can get your hands on. Andy, get her some sweatpants, slippers, an oversized hoodie, and a beanie. Jake, I need three gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. Jinxx, get as many blankets and pillows as you can. And Ashley, find stuffed animals; lots of them. Preferably armadillos, cats, zebras, and deer. Move it people!”
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3/1/14