Change My Ways
Drama
"Logan," I said, getting onto our tour bus. "I need to talk to you."
"There's nothing to talk about," he replied, not looking at me. "I told Tara to tell you I'm done."
"I know," I sighed. "And I agree. I'm done. I lied to you to save my brother's life. If you don't accept that, that's not my problem. But that's not what I want to talk to you about. I'm willing to make an effort to be friends and continue with the band. I need to know if you'll do the same."
"You really think I won't continue with the band?" he snapped. "Of course I will. But that doesn't mean I'll cozy up to you and be your best friend, got it?"
"I understand completely," I said, glaring. "I wouldn't expect you to. Though you were the ass in all this, not me."
"I was the ass?" he challenged. "Our whole fucking relationship was one big fucking lie!"
"I'm sorry," I snorted. "I was only kidnapped, raped, beaten, and almost murdered, so no; I had no reason to change my identity."
"You should have fucking told me!" he yelled.
"And risk getting Andy fucking killed?!" I screamed. "Sorry for not taking that chance!"
"You know what Katie?" he started angrily.
"Alex," I cut him off. "I'm going by Alex now."
"I'm fucking done," he growled, walking past me off the bus.
"Logan!" I yelled after him.
"Fuck you!" he shouted. "Fuck your brother, fuck your band! I'm out of here! Play your fucking shows without me!"
"Fine!" I screamed after him, tears streaming down my face. "And stay the fuck away!"
I ran back to my bunk and buried my face in my pillow, letting the tears run themselves dry. What the fuck just happened? I was devastated, confused, guilty, and... glad?
My mind wandered to when CC kissed me earlier. That was one moment I would always cherish. If anyone could make me feel good about myself, it was CC. Yeah, Tara could make me feel better when I was down, but CC made me feel good about myself just by being him.
I heard someone walk onto the bus, but I didn't move.
"Alex," I heard Tara's voice. "We just saw Logan-" she cut off. "Oh Kitten, what's wrong?"
"I want CC," I murmured into the pillow, not looking up.
"Speak up, Kitten," she said softly. "I can't help you if I can't hear you."
I looked up and whispered, "CC."
She turned to Kazuo and told him, "Go get CC."
CC came quickly. He saw me and climbed into my bunk, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.
"Shh," he soothed. "You're okay. You're okay. Hey, look at me." I turned my head and looked him in the eye. "You want to talk about it?"
I shook my head and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He held me close to his chest and we just laid there.
This was the kind of comfort I needed; not Tara's slumber parties. This was what made me feel safe, and loved, and wanted. This was what made me feel alive.
"There's nothing to talk about," he replied, not looking at me. "I told Tara to tell you I'm done."
"I know," I sighed. "And I agree. I'm done. I lied to you to save my brother's life. If you don't accept that, that's not my problem. But that's not what I want to talk to you about. I'm willing to make an effort to be friends and continue with the band. I need to know if you'll do the same."
"You really think I won't continue with the band?" he snapped. "Of course I will. But that doesn't mean I'll cozy up to you and be your best friend, got it?"
"I understand completely," I said, glaring. "I wouldn't expect you to. Though you were the ass in all this, not me."
"I was the ass?" he challenged. "Our whole fucking relationship was one big fucking lie!"
"I'm sorry," I snorted. "I was only kidnapped, raped, beaten, and almost murdered, so no; I had no reason to change my identity."
"You should have fucking told me!" he yelled.
"And risk getting Andy fucking killed?!" I screamed. "Sorry for not taking that chance!"
"You know what Katie?" he started angrily.
"Alex," I cut him off. "I'm going by Alex now."
"I'm fucking done," he growled, walking past me off the bus.
"Logan!" I yelled after him.
"Fuck you!" he shouted. "Fuck your brother, fuck your band! I'm out of here! Play your fucking shows without me!"
"Fine!" I screamed after him, tears streaming down my face. "And stay the fuck away!"
I ran back to my bunk and buried my face in my pillow, letting the tears run themselves dry. What the fuck just happened? I was devastated, confused, guilty, and... glad?
My mind wandered to when CC kissed me earlier. That was one moment I would always cherish. If anyone could make me feel good about myself, it was CC. Yeah, Tara could make me feel better when I was down, but CC made me feel good about myself just by being him.
I heard someone walk onto the bus, but I didn't move.
"Alex," I heard Tara's voice. "We just saw Logan-" she cut off. "Oh Kitten, what's wrong?"
"I want CC," I murmured into the pillow, not looking up.
"Speak up, Kitten," she said softly. "I can't help you if I can't hear you."
I looked up and whispered, "CC."
She turned to Kazuo and told him, "Go get CC."
CC came quickly. He saw me and climbed into my bunk, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.
"Shh," he soothed. "You're okay. You're okay. Hey, look at me." I turned my head and looked him in the eye. "You want to talk about it?"
I shook my head and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He held me close to his chest and we just laid there.
This was the kind of comfort I needed; not Tara's slumber parties. This was what made me feel safe, and loved, and wanted. This was what made me feel alive.
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3/1/14