What It Is To Burn

Cabinet doors slammed and Odessa huffed as she opened two more cabinets and then let the doors fall shut in aggravation. She just wanted to pop some popcorn for her and Andy and she was getting tired of opening cabinets to only find booze, more booze and booze accessories. Dess sighed as she hopped down from the stool and looked around, her hands behind her as she leaned up against the tiny counter. Looking around the bus Odessa was glad that they were nearing their last few days of the tour.

She had tried-in vain-to keep things as neat as she could, but it was useless. Ashley, Jake, Jinxx, Andy and CC were all pigs and they constantly made messes. Clothes, hair straighteners, boots, makeup, game controllers and instruments littered the floor, couches, and kitchen table all around the front of the bus and just looking at it was giving her a worse migraine than she already had. Dess was ready to go home and thankfully they only had three more shows to do before she would be able to do that.

Looking out the windows, Odessa noticed that it looked like it was going to rain and she was thankful that the guys had already played so that they could all stay inside where it was dry. Trish and her new helper Amanda were at the Misfits tent, but would be closing down soon enough to come join them on the bus. Andy had begged Kevin for someone to help Dess and Trish out since Dess was too sick to go to the tent every day and Trish wasn’t able to run it by herself.

Thankfully they had gotten Amanda-an intern who was finished learning the way of the office and so she was shuffled their way-Dess was more than grateful. She had been feeling worse and worse-throwing up at random times and her stomach hurt so much that she could hardly eat anything. Dess looked down and cringed-her shirt was hanging off of her frame and her legs looked chicken like as she stood there in her cut off shorts and bare feet. Sighing, Dess ran a hand through her matted hair and opened one last cabinet.


“Who the fuck puts popcorn in a cabinet with cleaning supplies?” Dess asked herself and she nearly jumped out of her skin as someone spoke up from behind her. She thought she and Andy were alone on the bus this evening-wrong.

“Well we had to make room for all of the more necessary things Dess…” Ashley laughed from behind her and Dess only rolled her eyes at him and moved to place a bag of popcorn in to the microwave. As it popped she hopped up on to the counter, her tan legs swinging back and forth as Dess watched Ash move around the cluttered bus.

“Yes-of course you boys would think booze is a necessity. Thank God this tour is almost over…” She muttered as she looked around and noticed that the Wisconsin sky outside of their bus was growing darker and darker.

“Aww you’re gonna miss us though…” Ashley smirked at her as he pulled a pile of mail up from the kitchen table and then began to rifle through it.

“You guys-sure. Living with you five-no fucking way. I miss my own bed, my clean house and my babies and I cannot wait to get home to them.” Dess smiled as Ashley passed her some mail and Dess looked down at the magazine that she held in her hands.


Comic Fan Magazine. Dess hardly even remembered the small interview and photo shoot she had done for the small magazine when they were in Florida, but as she looked down and saw her own eyes staring back up at her it began to all come back. It was a small interview that had been done in her merch tent and then the photo shoot had been done in another small tent with her surrounded by comic books and drawing supplies. Dess had loved that interview-it was all about art and comics and neither Andy nor Black Veil Brides had been mentioned once.

Or so she had thought. Dess scowled as she looked at the cover and there, right above her head in bold wording: Odessa Montgomery-Black Veil Bride Sweetheart and Artist Tells All. What? The interview wasn’t even about the band and quickly Dess flipped to the middle of the magazine and found her article. She scanned her eyes over the pages and then a low scream escaped her lips. Fuck!


“Dess? Dess what’s wrong?” Ashley asked as he came to her, placing his calloused fingers on either side of her face and he tilted her head up so that she had no choice but to look into his eyes. She could feel the tears threatening to spill over her cheeks, but with a quick sniff she felt stronger and Dess was able to look Ash in the face.

“Nothing. Just another stupid interview in a magazine. I-I really should get back to the lounge Ash…” Dess said and suddenly Ashley had dropped his hands and motioned for her to hand over the small magazine.

“Let me see Dess…” Ashley said more softly and finally Dess handed over the offending magazine and leaned up against the counter as she watched Ashley flip through the pages. His brows furrowed as Ash read over the words and then he felt angry.

“It’s not that big a deal Ash…” Dess said, her voice low as she looked up at him and Ashley said nothing as he closed the magazine and handed it back to her.

“Obviously it is if you’re almost in tears over it. Have you told Andy about these articles?” Ashley asked and Dess only shook her head as she rolled the paper in her hands and then sighed. Suddenly they both jumped at the dinging noise coming from the microwave and quickly Dess moved to grab for the bag of popcorn as Ashley moved to clear a spot on the couch to sit down.


Dess shook the bag in her hands-the magazine was folded underneath her arm and she felt slightly dizzy as she stood there. She couldn’t focus her eyes and she felt light headed but that was nothing new for her at this point. She had made a promise to herself that as soon as they got home to Virginia-Dess was going to see a doctor. Her drastic weight loss and inability to sleep was making Dess worry more and more and she knew-this probably was the beginning of the end for her. If only she could make it long enough to walk down the aisle towards Andy-then she knew she would be able to let go.

Dess walked back towards the lounge and she smiled as she heard Andy laughing and talking along with the movie that they had started watching-Batman Forever. As she looked in the room, Dess couldn’t help but smile-Andy was wrapped in his Batman snuggie with his back up against the couch and as he noticed her standing there Andy held out his arms towards her. He had that boyish grin on his face and Dess knew she couldn’t resist him in that moment.


“Sorry it took me so long-I couldn’t find the popcorn but we have enough booze to last through the next tour.” Dess laughed as she moved to cuddle into Andy’s side and he smiled before placing a kiss to her temple and then they both were concentrating on the movie.

“Well at least we’re fully stocked. How’re you feeling babe? You still look kind of green around the gills.” Andy asked as he reached down in her lap and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Dess only sighed as she leaned her head back against his chest and tried to swallow her tears.

“Better. You got room under there for me?” Dess smiled down at him as Andy moved aside his snuggie and kept his arms held out towards her.


Dess smiled softly as she sat down and snuggled into his side, passing Andy the popcorn as he moved to rewind the movie. Not that she couldn’t tell what was going on-this was only their two thousandth time watching this movie. The two of them laughed and joked as the movie played-Andy was making a mess as he kept throwing popcorn into the air and then he would move his head around to try and catch it in his mouth. Dess loved watching him when he was like this-he was such a little kid about things and there was always a look of awe and wonder in his eyes when he looked at her.

Dess felt comfortable where she was, her arms were folded in her lap while Andy had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, his fingers brushing against her bare skin softly. She bit down on her lip ring-should she ruin the moment and confront him about the article? Or should she just suck it up and maybe they would talk about it tomorrow? She was in a quandary as she sat there and Dess watched as the movie finally came to an end and Andy moved to stretch his lanky tattooed arms above his head, his finger tips nearly touching the ceiling as he did so.


“Babe…” Dess said hesitantly and Andy cracked an eye open at her, looking at her sideways and suddenly he felt his heart stop. She looked so hurt sitting there-her eyes were wide and her lip was jutting out and Andy wondered to himself if Dess was feeling sick again.

“Yeah? What is it? What’s wrong baby?” Andy asked as he placed a hand on her cheek and Dess moved her head slightly to kiss his palm. She didn’t want to seem mad at him, but deep inside she was furious.

“We need to talk about this…” She said softly as Dess moved her arm out from underneath the snuggie and held out the magazine for him to look at. Andy took the article from her, his eyes scanning over the front as he took in the head line and then flipped through the thin pages.

“O-ok? I mean it’s an interview…” Andy said and he jumped as Dess growled at him, snatching the magazine from his fingers and she tossed it to the floor in her anger. Why was she so angry? The interviewer had sought him out after a show one day saying that they were doing an interview on Dess and would he like to add some stuff?

“I know it’s an interview Andrew. It was supposed to be my interview…not yours.” Her teeth were held together tightly so that she sounded like she was hissing and her eyes were on fire as Andy looked down at Dess and then shrunk away from her slightly.

“I mean the guy just asked me some questions about you and your career…he didn’t even ask about the band.” Andy said and he reached down to pick the magazine back up from the floor. He read the headline and cringed-okay fair enough.


Flipping through, Andy felt his stomach drop the more he read. Dess was mentioned, but only as a blossoming artist who was currently on tour with her famous boyfriend and his band. There was very little mention of her spectacular comic career with DC and nothing was mentioned about her new artistic clothing line. Black Veil Brides was everywhere-pictures of the band on stage that day performing and pictures of Andy from various other sources. Dess had two pictures and Andy was in both of them. She had the cover to herself but that was it.

Andy knew Dess was upset-she had been getting increasingly upset every time a new article came out because she was always associated with the band. Was that such a bad thing though? Surely being associated with a band that was sky rocketing forward would seem like a step in the right direction. Andy took a deep breath and set the magazine down on his lap as he turned to Dess and noticed her crossed arms and furrowed brow.


“Babe I think you may be over reacting…” Andy said, his tone serious and he tried to keep his face clear of emotion as Dess’ jaw dropped and he could see her fists clenching in her lap.

“Are you being serious right now?” She asked and Andy only nodded-which was a mistake as his silence only seemed to provoke her and soon Dess was flinging the blanket away from her and now she had begun to pace.

“Are you seriously going to fucking sit there and act like this isn’t a big deal?! Another article-ANOTHER one Andy! Can I not just have one thing to myself where I’m not constantly being thrown in with you and the others?! Is that too much to fucking ask?!” Dess yelled, her hands on the back of her head and Andy couldn’t help but notice her exposed midriff and he couldn’t stop himself from smirking. Big mistake.

“You fucking think this is funny?! I used to be someone Andy! I used to be my own fucking person and now I’m only known for one fucking thing and it isn’t even something that I can be overly proud of-your fucking band!” She shouted and Andy felt his heart race. His band? She couldn’t be proud of the band that all but adopted her and helped her in her time of need?

“You aren’t proud of us Dess? Are you so fucking ashamed to be associated with us that now we can’t be mentioned in an interview with you?!” Andy said, his voice growing louder and Dess only cocked an eyebrow at the tone he was addressing her in.

“I am incredibly proud of you, Ash, CC, Jake and Jinxx, but no babe-I don’t want every interview I do to have something about you guys mentioned in it. I am my own person-Odessa Montgomery, but here lately I feel more and more like I don’t matter. Black Veil Brides matters. The band members matter-but my passions and dreams always have to revolve around you five in order for me to get noticed.” She said, her voice sad but Andy couldn’t help but still feel annoyed. What was she getting at exactly?

“I mean if you don’t want to be a part of Black Veil Brides then maybe you should just stay home the next time around…” Andy muttered. He knew he was being mean and petty, but he was feeling hurt.

“Really? Why so you can fuck around on me like some of your other bandmates? Would you rather us just end this here and now?” Dess said and she clapped a hand over her mouth as soon as it left her lips.

Fuck.

“Wha-are you saying you don’t want to get married now?” Andy asked, his tone laced with shock. Where had this all come from? Not even an hour ago they were both laughing and cuddling and he had finally felt at peace for once on this tour.

“I-no. No that is not what I’m saying-“ Dess was cut off by Andy, who had stood up to face her and began to raise his voice.

“No! That is exactly what you are saying Odessa! Just fucking say it! Say that you don’t want to marry me!” He was yelling at her and Dess was trying in vain to keep the tears from her eyes.

“I don’t want to fucking marry Black Veil Brides! Okay?! I want to marry Andrew Dennis Biersack-not Black Veil Brides! For fucks sake Andy there was an article in some fashion magazine calling me a black veil bride-do you understand how frustrating that is?” Dess yelled throwing her hands up in the air as Andy just shrugged his shoulders and looked at her like she was crazy.

“Maybe you should wear a black veil at the wedding? It would be pretty epic…” Andy smirked at her, thinking that his boyish grin was going to fix things. He was sadly mistaken.

“Urgh!” Dess screamed, throwing her hands up in the air as she spun on her heel and headed towards the front of the bus. Andy followed her, jogging slightly to keep up with her angry gait and finally they had reached the front of the bus.


Suddenly there was a huge crash of thunder outside, but that didn’t stop Dess as she reached out and yanked the bus door open. The Heaven’s had opened up and Andy just stood on the bus steps, his boots getting slightly wet as Dess trudged on and walked out in to the night. Should he follow her? Andy watched Dess walk away until suddenly he couldn’t see her anymore and when his boots hit the wet pavement he began to run full out.

The rain smacked him in the face, his hair hanging down in his eyes but he didn’t care-he loved Odessa and even though they both had said some nasty things he knew that neither of them meant it. Andy ran past busses and tents-everyone had taken shelter in the busses and as he ran past the fence to the venue Andy noticed that kids were sprinting off towards the parking lot and he couldn’t blame them. Suddenly Andy noticed one lone person standing in the rain, her face pointed up and her long blonde hair was flowing down around her shoulders.

Odessa.


“Babe!” He shouted, but Andy knew that over the howling wind and crashing thunder that she may not hear him right away. There was a flash of lightening across the sky and Andy stopped as he looked around-everything had been illuminated for a few seconds and it almost looked like it was day out.

“Go away!” She shouted at him as Dess noticed Andy approaching and quickly she turned and began to walk off-farther and farther away from him.

“Dess! Stop!” Andy said as he sprinted up to her and finally his fingers clamped around her skinny arm and he held on as she tried to move from his grip.

“Fuck. Off!” She shouted, spinning so that she was facing him and Andy felt his heart stop in his chest.


Her face was red and tear streaked-her blonde hair plastered to her skin and in that moment she looked breathtaking. Her makeup was running rivers down her cheeks and she looked so sad standing there before him that even though he knew she would possibly punch him, Andy knew he had to hold on to her. He pulled her to him, her face pressed against his chest and Andy rested both of his hands against the back of her head , his fingers tangling in her wet hair as he felt her fingers reach out and tug at the straps of his shirt.

Andy looked up, his blue eyes pointed towards the black sky and he sighed-it felt nice having the cool rain wash over him. The rain continued to fall and the thunder boomed all around them, but as the two of them stood there it felt like nothing else in the world mattered. After a few minutes of silence, Andy pulled away slightly, his blue eyes almost glowing in the night as Dess looked up and a soft smile graced her lips.


“We are both the most stubborn assholes I have ever seen…” She laughed as Dess looked up at him and Andy smirked. Her whole face lit up when she laughed and even though her face looked gaunt and her cheekbones were sticking out-his Odessa was still beautiful.

“You started it…” Andy said, pouting his lower lip out and Dess said nothing as she moved in and took his bottom lip between her cold and shivering ones. They kissed in the rain-the soft water washing away their anger for one another and finally Andy pulled away and placed a cold hand against her cheek.

“I’ll finish it though. I promise Dess that from now on when you do an interview and I’m asked to join in or asked about my opinion on things…I will ask you first and if I get your permission I will try as hard as I can to keep the conversation on you and how wonderful you are.” Andy promised and Dess only smiled as she placed her hands on either side of his face and brought his lips crashing down against hers.


They stood there, Dess’ hands cupping his cheeks as Andy allowed himself to get lost in the girl before him. She was so amazing and although they drove one another crazy sometimes-they knew it was fate. Andy had been so lonely before Dess-jumping from girl to girl just to keep the pain away. Then that fateful day where he got up the courage to start a conversation based on a common love-it had been the best fucking decision of his life. Their lips seemed to melt together and Dess sighed against him as Andy reached out his teeth and tugged on her lip ring.

This man-this beautiful man-drove her fucking insane with his ego and constant need for attention, but fuck if she didn’t love him. Dess had felt so lost before Andy-like she had been drifting in the wind and he had been the kid with the butterfly net…ready to catch her. He caught her all right-over and over again and as they pulled away from one another and his blue eyes met her moss green ones they both knew.

They had caught one another-they had caught fire…and now they were learning what it felt like to burn. Together-forever…they would burn.

Notes

I can't blame Dess for being angry with Andy. Can you?

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