What It Is To Burn

Odessa groaned as the weight on the mattress of the bunk she and Andy shared shifted. She knew who it was coming to get her out of bed and Dess only snuggled deeper underneath the covers, pulling the blankets around her more as she silently hoped that this person would go away. Warped Tour was only on day ten and they were currently in Salt Lake, Utah. A lot of people on the tour had gotten sick, but no one more than Dess and all she wanted in that moment was to be left alone.

Her stomach was in knots, her head was pounding as she laid there in the darkness and she did not want to get up and go to her tent. It was almost eleven and soon the doors would be opening, but Dess didn’t care. Trish had been nice enough to get up early that morning to set things up by herself and Dess knew she needed to get the fuck out of bed, but she just couldn’t make herself do it. A hand reached out, resting on her shoulder and Dess groaned even louder.


“Babe…you have to get up.” Andy’s voice was slightly muffled from the blanket, but Dess had heard him perfectly clear-get the fuck up before I make you.

“No…don’t feel good.” Dess grumbled as she turned over, facing the outside of the bunk as she felt the covers being pulled away from her. Dess did look really sick-her eyes were bloodshot and she sounded like she had a slight stuffy nose.

“Want me to get a doctor? I think Jill is on duty today.” Andy said, his smirk evil as Dess sat up and she only moaned as she rubbed her eyes with the back of a hand. Jill was one of the onsite nurses and she and Dess had had it out the second day when Andy had dragged her into Jill’s office.

“Ack! Fine!” Dess grumbled as she shooed Andy out of the way and swung her legs over the side of the bunk. Andy gently placed his hands on either side of her waist, gripping softly as he lifted Dess down from the bunk and smirked at her. She was beautiful in that moment-her hair was sticking up at odd angles and her eyes were still sleepy…she looked perfect.


Dess said nothing as she moved towards the front of the bus, still clad in her Batgirl pajamas but she didn’t care. Coffee. That’s all she cared about in that moment and as Dess entered the front of the bus, she set everything up for her coffee and then moved to the pantry. Andy watched her silently from the kitchen table where he was sitting with Jinxx and he could tell that Dess wasn’t feeling herself this morning. She was moving around like a zombie and Andy felt his eyes grow wide as he watched Dess make a bowl of cereal, but instead of pouring milk into her bowl he saw her pour coffee creamer.

Andy said nothing as Dess sat down next to him, twisting the spoon in her fingers until finally she dug in. Taking a bite, Dess immediately felt like spitting out whatever was in her mouth, but instead she just swallowed it down, a disgusted look on her face.


“Ugh…” Dess groaned as she finished swallowing and Andy only smiled softly as he reached out a hand and rubbed her back gently. Dess definitely was not herself right now and as he looked at her, Andy felt his heart begin to ache.

“You doing okay?” Andy asked as he just continued to rub her back gently. Dess cringed as she took a big gulp of her coffee-the hot liquid was making her sore throat feel slightly better.

“Other than wanting to puke-yeah, yeah I guess I’ll be okay.” Her voice was low as Dess kept her coffee cup up near her mouth. It was going to be a two coffee cup kind of day…she could tell already.


Dess finished her coffee and smiled down at Andy as she took her uneaten cereal and placed the bowl in the sink. Where was her head these days? She felt so confused all the time-befuddled and like she couldn’t complete her thoughts. Silently Dess riffled through her clothing bag, pulling out a loose fitting tank top and a pair of short jean shorts. Today was a comfy day-no time or energy to look cute and as she dressed and then applied her minimal makeup, Dess knew that there were more days like this to come.

She had started feeling sick the second day of touring-her cough had gotten so bad that she had sent Jon out to get her some honey to swallow at night so it would coat her throat and she wouldn’t cough herself awake very ten minutes. Dess glanced in the mirror of the small bathroom and smiled at herself-good enough for today.

Andy and the guys had already left for their early interview-they were playing at two today, so they had to make things quick before getting on stage. Dess walked to the front of the empty and quiet bus and before she walked down the steps she stopped to look over her shoulder at the empty space. It was so pleasantly quiet-something that never happened with this group and quickly Dess thought about playing hooky and climbing back in to bed.

She couldn’t do that though-Trish would die alone at their tent and so with a sigh Dess walked down the steps and into the heat. They were traveling further south and so the heat was becoming dryer and dryer, making her sinuses ache. Dess smiled at Jenna from Tonight Alive as she passed, flashing her card to the guy at the gate before entering the venue.

Everything looked pretty desolate at this venue-hardly any trees and so there was very little shade for the poor kids walking around to take cover under. The sky looked like it wanted to open up at any minute and so Dess put some pep in her step to try and get to the tent before she got soaked. After wandering around for ten minutes, finally Dess spotted her tent and smiled as she noticed that Trish seemed to be handling things fairly well.

The young girl was a God send when it came to running things and the two girls were so like minded that they hardly ever argued. Trish liked to keep things organized-like Dess and she liked to make sure everything was done in a quick fashion-also like Dess. The older girl smiled as she walked past the small front table and Trish looked to her, surprise lacing her features.


“I thought you were sick…” Trish said as she sat down next to Dess, pulling a water bottle out of their small cooler and twisting the top off quickly. It was already blistering hot and it wasn’t even noon yet-Dess shuddered to think about how it was going to feel in an hour when the sun was high in the sky and the venue was jam packed full of kids.

“I am, but I have to be here…you can’t run things alone Trish.” Dess said as she folded her hands behind her head and leaned back against them. Her head was still pounding-even though she had downed four Advil before coming out that morning.

“I was doing just fine thank you very much.” Trish said playfully as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked out into the crowd. Kids were pouring past, most of them too concentrated on getting to the next stage to see their favorite band play. Trish moved her eyes to take Dess in and the young girl felt her stomach twist with fear.


Dess looked terrible. Her skin was pale and sickly, her eyes were puffy and Trish could hear her wheezing from where she sat. She felt her heart stop as she thought back to her best friend and how she looked when she began to get sick. Moira had looked almost identical to Dess-her skin was pale, she coughed constantly and her eyes were puffy and red. It was her body-wearing down from fighting off her cancer and everything else kind of just began to fail.

Trish bit down on her lip as she quickly looked back out towards the crowd, not wanting Dess to catch her staring. What should she do? Should she tell Andy? He had to already know that Dess was sick, but why was no one doing anything? Was Dess missing Moira so much that she was now wanting to follow her little sister in to an early grave?


“Stop staring at me Trish-I’m not going to die on your watch. Don’t worry so much.” Dess laughed, but it was anything but funny. Death wasn’t a joke and suddenly Trish felt like crying. She missed Moira-missed her best friend making her laugh while they studied in her room, Black Veil Brides playing in the background. Moira was gone-she had been gone for over a year, but it felt like yesterday when she had gotten that phone call from Andy.

“S-sorry.” Trish stammered, getting up as there were kids approaching. Trish helped them with a smile on her face, but all she wanted to do was run away. She had watched Moira die slowly-she couldn’t bear to watch Odessa, who had become like an older sister to her over the years, do the exact same thing.


Dess kept a close watch on the time and right around a quarter to 2 she turned to Trish and promised the girl that she would be back. Trish only smiled, agreeing to stay but that she wanted to leave around 4 to see I See Stars play. She and the lead singer Devin had really hit it off. Dess and Andy teased the two of them constantly-Devin had made it a habit of hanging out on their bus and the older couple loved seeing the two flirting. It reminded Dess of her and Andy the first summer they were together-shy around one another at first, but they were quick to tease and pick at eachother.

She walked quickly through the crowds, stopping only twice to take pictures and sign some stuff before she finally made it to the stage. It was weird to Dess-since being on this tour she had more and more girls come up to her, complimenting her on things like her art and her style-saying they wanted to get into art because of her. It made Dess proud, but it was also kind of weird. Andy was the superstar-not her.


“Hey Dessa!” Someone shouted out to her and Dess smiled as she spotted Kit standing off to the side of the stage. Sleeping was on right after the guys and Dess figured that Kit would be close by. The two best friends had been able to hang out a little bit, but not as much as they wanted to. They had planned to hang out on the fourth since that was a day off for the tour, but other than that it was chance meetings like this one.

“Hey Kit Kat! How’re the boys doing? Did they finally dry off?” Dess asked as she walked over to her best friend and threw an arm around the girl’s sunburned shoulders. Kit’s red hair was up in a messy ponytail and Dess smiled-Kit was so used to roughing it that by day three she could give two shits about how she looked.

“Uh yeah-thanks for that by the way. You better watch your back…they’re getting ready to strike.” Kit laughed and Dess only shook her head as she took in the band, all of whom had sneaky smiles on their faces as they turned from their instruments and looked at her. Dess said nothing as she walked up a small ramp and entered the side stage area.


Dess spotted the guys, all of them were standing in a circle and Dess felt confused-none of them were smiling as they stood around and Ash had his hand resting on Andy’s back gently. Their heads were bowed slightly and Dess felt her stomach twist. Something had happened-what she didn’t know, but the guys were never this quiet right before going on stage.

They were usually loud and obnoxious, especially Ashley and CC, but both the drummer and bassist were standing quietly at Andy’s side. As she got closer, Dess noticed that Andy’s eyes were slightly red and she knew instantly that something had happened to him. Was he okay? Had something happened to his parents? Dess finally reached them and right as she got to Andy, Jinxx closed the space between them and placed a hand to her shoulder.


“Wha-what’s going on Jinxx?” She asked and Jinxx said nothing as he led her over to the side of the stage. The crowd was huge as they swayed and chanted, but as she looked out into the huge mass of people, there was one thing that stood out. A sign-someone was holding up a sign and Dess felt her blood boil as she read it over the best that she could.

Andy Biersack is no longer my Savior. He has changed so much and I don’t think I can be a fan anymore. We want Andy Six back!


Dess felt sick as she turned from the crowd and faced the back stage area. No wonder the guys seemed upset-they loved their fans and they always encouraged them to be themselves. Now the fans were fighting back and over something as stupid as Andy changing his hair. Dess remembered when he had cut his hair the first time-one would have thought that Andy had killed someone, but the fans had eventually gotten over it and some liked it even more than his long hair.

Now Andy had changed things up again-he was getting older and he was getting tired of always looking the same. Why was it so wrong that he wanted to make a change? Why did people have to be so cruel? It seemed their fans knew exactly where to hit them to make it hurt and Dess felt broken hearted as she walked over to Andy.


“Andy…” Dess said, her voice quiet as she approached the singer and took him into her arms. The guys backed away, hoping that if anyone could comfort Andy enough to get him out of his funk-it would be Dess.

“H-hey babe.” His voice was low and she could tell that there were tears fighting their way to the surface, but all Dess could do was hold him, her fingers running through his blonde hair softly.

“An-Andy…it’s okay.” Dess said softly and she watched as Andy lifted his head up and gave her a soft smile. For the past year it had been him comforting her-oh how quickly things could change.

“I-I just feel like I’ve let them down babe. I let them all down.” Andy said, his voice low and suddenly there was a two minute warning call. Dess placed her hands on either side of his face, moving it so that he had to look her in the eyes. Moss green to crystal blue.

“No. Don’t you dare let one person make you think that you are a failure. People change and if they can’t handle it then oh fucking well. You are allowed to change-your appearance. Your name. Anything you want-it’s your life and fuck them if they don’t get it. We aren’t here to please the ignorant remember?” Dess said and Andy smirked-that smirk he always got when he knew she was right. Quickly Andy stood up straight, taking his inner ear system from one of the crew members and as he twisted it into his ear, Andy’s eyes never left hers.

“I love you so much Odessa…thanks for always kicking me in the ass when I need it.” He leaned down, placing his lips against hers and Dess felt like melting against him. She didn’t feel good, but kissing Andy always made her heart speed up and she loved that rush of adrenaline.

“I love you too…now get out there and show that fucking asshole that you are Andy Biersack of Black Veil Brides…no matter what fucking color your hair is.” Dess said, her hand coming out and smacking him against the ass as Andy smirked down at her and followed Ashley towards the stage.


The guys all ran out on stage, Exordium blasting from the speakers as Andy screamed into the mic and the guys moved into playing Bulletproof. Dess watched from the side of the stage, her eyes never moving from Andy as he ran around on stage. He ran around, yelling in to the mic, but then he would hold it out towards the audience.It was a huge rush for him to hear his words being sung back at him and Andy smiled as he noticed that the girl holding the sign had quickly walked away, others around her booing and hissing at her retreating back.

Andy never wanted to disappoint his fans, but he had to stay true to himself and sometimes that became more important than the approval of other people. Finally they moved in to playing In The End and as he reached the chorus, Andy looked to the right side of the stage and caught eyes with Dess. She was there singing along with him and he knew in that moment that good or bad-Odessa Montgomery would always be there for him.

Dess sighed as she kissed Andy goodbye and headed back off towards her tent. He and the guys had some interviews to do and then a small photo shoot, but Andy had told her that all he wanted to do was go to the bus and curl up in the back with her. She had to go back to the tent though and he had to move on to his interview, but quietly they promised one another that they would relax together that night and forget everything that had happened that day.

Dess could see her tent off in the distance and she smiled-Trish would be itching to get out to see I See Stars play and so Dess picked up her speed. She still wasn’t feeling well, but the anger she felt inside was fueling Dess to move faster.


“I can tell by the look on your face that something happened.” Trish said as Dess approached and the older girl only smirked as she moved behind the long front table and sat down.

“Black Veil Brides super fans fucking suck-no offense.” Dess smirked over at Trish, who only shrugged as she moved to exit the tent. Before leaving she turned back to the older girl, an eyebrow raised.

“What happened?” She asked and Dess only sighed, her bangs blowing out around her face as she looked up at Trish and rolled her eyes.

“Apparently Andy is no longer worthy to be a savior because he doesn’t look the same as he did when he was nineteen. It’s him cutting his hair all over again-only this time people are being more vicious.” Dess moved in to quickly tell Trish everything. The younger girl only looked on, her jaw dropped as she listened quietly.

“God people suck. I’m sure you’ll cheer him up later tonight.” Trish said with a wink and then the younger girl was off, a skip in her step as she ran through the crowds. Ah-what it would be like to be young again.


Dess stood around, smiling at people as they passed her by and some even stopped. She wasn’t feeling well and she was sure that it was showing on her face. Thankfully Trish had made it back, bringing with her Funnel Cake and Lemonade, which both girls downed in a matter of minutes. Most of their day was spent sitting around, talking about the things that had happened and the people that walked by.

Dess found out that Devin and Trish were getting pretty serious and the younger girl was thinking about not going to school in the fall and instead going on the road with I See Stars as their merch girl. Dess knew she couldn’t change the girl’s mind, but she did urge Trish to at least go to school for a year and see how things worked out. Dess knew what it was like to be the significant other of someone in the lime light and while touring was fun-it was also stressful. Plus Dess had her comic career to fall back on-right now Trish only had a high school education.


“I know you’re worried about me, but I feel like this is the right thing.” Trish said her voice muffled as she reached up and began to untack their display. It was almost eight and the last bands were playing now, so the girls didn’t see the harm in starting to take things down early.

“I just want you to go to school for a year Trish…please trust me on this.” Dess pleaded as she folded shirts, her eyes scanning over the crowds. Toby said he would come by with a cart to help them take things back to the trailer and Dess wanted to be ready for him when he got there.

“God you sound more and more like my older sister every day.” The younger girl laughed as she finished untacking things and turned to Dess.


The two of them were quick to get everything packed away and finally right around 8:30 Toby showed up, having first pulled the guys tent down. As Dess and Trish moved to get everything on the cart, Toby began to break down their tent. They all worked in laughter and even though Dess was still feeling poorly, she knew that laughing was the only way to keep from crying.

After two trips they had managed to get everything on the trailer and as Dess turned to face the bus she cocked her head. None of the lights were on, which was strange because normally one or two of the guys were usually on the bus by this point. Where was everynone? Suddenly a loud shout came out from behind her and Dess turned, smirking as five figures came running up to her.


“Hey babe!” Dess laughed as Andy ran up to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders as he smirked down at her.

“Glad to see you finally decided to come back to the bus Dess.” Andy said, his voice slightly slurred. Great-Andy has a shit day and what do the guys do? Get him pissed drunk so she then would get to deal with him.

“Well I actually have to work during the day-my days aren’t just prancing around on stage and then talking to interviewers and fans Andrew.” Dess said, her voice playful yet stern as she opened the bus door and then stopped. A single balloon came rolling down the steps and Dess cocked her head in confusion.

“Did someone have a party?” CC asked from behind her as Dess only shrugged her shoulders and grabbed for the railing. Andy was hanging off of her, making it hard to move, but soon moving would become impossible.


As she walked up the steps and turned the corner, Dess felt her mouth drop open.

Their bus-the entire thing-was filled up to the ceiling with balloons of every color. What. The. Fuck? Dess dropped Andy off at the kitchen table, moving balloons out of the way so that he could sit down. Who would do this? Suddenly Dess smirked as she looked around-she knew exactly who this was. All of the guys had made it on to the bus finally and they were laughing as they kicked the balloons around, trying to get them down the steps and out the door. Dess bent down, picking up an arm full of balloons and headed for the door. She stopped in her tracks though, as at the bottom of the steps there stood five figures, all of them doubled over in laughter.


“Fuck you guys!” Dess laughed as she tossed the balloons at the band and walked down the steps, stopping at the second to last one.

“Pay back is a bitch Dess!” Justin laughed and Dess only flicked him off as she looked at the rest of the guys.

“Well all of that helium would explain your overly high voice today Kellin.” Dess quipped as she smirked at the lead singer and then looked over her shoulder. CC had heard their voices and now he was standing right behind, a scowl on his face.

“This isn’t over!” The drummer shouted as the guys of Sleeping With Sirens only laughed and turned to walk away.


Oh no-this wasn’t over. It wasn’t over at all…not by a long shot.

Notes

An update for my favorite people! What did you guys think of Andy's change this past summer? I, personally, liked it and thought it made his face softer, but then again I also like him with black hair. Doesn't really matter though-his voice still gives me shivers haha.

Please review because I work hard they make me happy : )

What It Is To Burn Tumblr
Imagine Me and You
We're Setting Worlds On Fire