What It Is To Burn

The stars were bright in the inky sky and Dess felt at peace as she sat there, Andy’s arms wrapped around her and she leaned against him and watched the flames flicker. The smell of burning wood and leaves wafted through the air and she smiled as Dess was reminded of the bonfires she’d had at her house as a teen. Dess looked to Kit, who was sitting across from her and she caught the girl’s eyes and both of them smirked-drinking vodka and gossiping about boys in front of a fire had been one of their favorite pass times.

Everyone seemed to be having a good time on this camping trip and it made Dess happy as she looked around the fire at all of their smiling faces. Jinxx, Jake and CC were huddled together, laughing at some joke and Andy and Ashley were having a discussion about set lists for the coming tour. Dess sighed contentedly as she leaned her head back, resting it against Andy’s chest as she felt his fingers run circles over her collarbone. Peaceful-everything was peaceful for now and Dess felt happy.


“So are you guys stoked to be headlining Warped this summer?” Kit asked, turning so that she was facing Andy and Ashley, but the other three guys had perked their ears up at the mention of touring this summer.

“Fuck yes!” Ashley yelled, he had been drinking for most of the day and it was really beginning to show. All Dess could do was laugh and shake her head as Andy smirked against her hair as he bent down to kiss the top of her head.

“Yeah-it will be really amazing to headline a tour that we all loved so much growing up…” Andy said and the other guys only nodded as Dess smiled and looked to Kit. Her best friend was laughing, but Dess could see in her eyes that Kit wasn’t as happy as she seemed to be.

“What about you Kit? Sleeping With Sirens is also headlining-you gonna be able to handle it?” Dess asked and Kit only scoffed as she took a swig from her beer and sat it down in the grass.

“It’s going to be fucking crazy and I will probably kill one of them before the tour is over with, but I’m really proud of those motherfuckers…” Her voice was low and Dess only smiled. Kit had worked her ass off as a manager to get Sleeping to where they were now and Dess was really proud of everything that her best friend had accomplished.

“So who wants to hear a ghost story?” Dess asked suddenly, smirking as she looked across the fire at Kit and gave her best friend a look. The two of them used to love telling ghost stories around the fire, especially when Moira and all of her little friends were around because then they could scare the shit out of some twelve year olds and who didn’t like doing that?

“Will you be telling us about your sex life with Biersack here? Because that probably would be a pretty scary tale…” Ashley said, his voice thick as he reached for another beer and Andy only reached over and punched his best friend lightly on the shoulder.

“Uh-no…I’m sure our sex life couldn’t compare to some of the whore-horrors you’ve knocked boots with Purdy…” Dess smirked, running a hand through her hair as she looked deep in to the fire, the red flames reflecting in her moss green eyes and she smirked again as CC shuddered and looked away from her.

“Go ahead babe-tell us a ghost story.” Andy said, his fingers rubbing at her shoulders and Dess only smiled as she looked at every single person sitting around the fire, her green eyes red and wild as she smiled deviously at them.

“I do have a good one-but it’s actually based off of something terrible that happened in these very woods…You know, it was on a night just like this when a little girl went missing in these woods. The rangers say her name was Cassie, and she had gone camping with her girl scout troop. That first night, when everyone was gathered around the campfire, the little girl ignored what she had been taught about sticking with her camp buddy. She heard a little rustle in the nearby brush, and thought she just might catch a bunny to keep as a pet. She quietly snuck off after the sound.” Dess stopped as she looked around and smirked. CC had his elbows resting on his knees and he was leaning towards her, obviously enthralled by her story. Clearing her throat, Dess continued on with her tale.

“It wasn't very long until her camp buddy noticed that the girl was missing, and she told the scout leader about it. The rest of the girls were ushered back to their cabins, and the scout leader and a few of the moms gathered their flashlights, and set out to look for the girl.” Dess stopped and looked towards Kit, who only nodded as she scooted closer to where CC and Jake were sitting. This was a story that Dess and Kit always told to Moira and her friends and the girls knew that it worked really well.

“A short time later, a terrible thunderstorm blew in, making it impossible to keep looking for the missing camper. The moms decided it was best to turn back and continue the search after the storm had passed; after all, the little girl wasn't one of their daughters. However, the scout leader refused to give up. With her hair plastered to her face by the rain and the lightening flashing all around, she bravely walked into the woods, calling the little girl's name. The sound of her calling could be heard, over and over, until it faded away.” Dess could feel Andy beneath her, his breath was quickening at her tale and she only smiled as Kit moved closer and closer to get in to place.

“When the moms arrived back at the cabin, they discovered that the little girl had found her way back on her own and, except for a few scratches, was none the worse for wear. The violent storm continued through the night, but all was still again by morning. However, there wasn't sight nor sound of the scout leader. The moms alerted the park rangers and a search party was formed, but not a trace was ever found of the missing leader.” Dess smiled as she saw that Kit was finally in place, hovering over CC, Jake and Jinxx and she put a serious look on her face as Dess lowered her voice to only above a whisper as she finished the last part.

“That was ten years ago, but some people say you can still hear her ghost calling out the little girl's name, ‘Cassie, Caaassieee...’ Listen, you can almost hear it now...” All of the guys had bent forward to try and hear Dess and she had stopped speaking. All anyone could hear was the chirping of nearby crickets until suddenly there was a loud banging noise and then a shout.

“CASSIE!” Kit had yelled as she had clapped her hands together behind the guys and Dess rolled around in laughter as she noticed CC jump in his seat and Jinxx and Jake both looked shocked. Andy had jumped but Dess only smirked as Ash was sitting still-finally having passed out in his drunken stupor.


The guys all laughed as they looked to Ashley and Andy only sighed as he kissed Dess on the top of her head and moved to help CC get Ashley in to their tent. Dess leaned back against the log that Andy had been sitting on and she smiled over at Kit. It felt like old times-sitting here like this and all they needed was a bottle of vodka, some orange soda and a topic to gossip about.

Smirking, Dess got up and moved over towards one of the coolers. She pulled out a long bottle, shaking it in her hands as she moved to sit next to Kit. The two girls passed the bottle back and forth, whispering to one another as Jake and Jinxx sat by, talking in their own hushed tones. Finally Andy and CC reappeared, Andy raising an eyebrow as he took in the two girls and the now almost half empty bottle that they were passing between one another.


“Decide to start the party without me?” He asked as Andy approached the girls and only smiled as he held his hand out for the bottle. Dess rolled her eyes, forking the bottle over as Andy only smirked down at them, took a swig and handed it over to Kit before going to sit back down across from them.

“Hey…this is how we used to party when we were young! Remember when we used to gossip about all of the guys D? Remember Brody Fletcher?” Kit elbowed Dess in the side and Andy only raised an eyebrow as Dess blushed crimson and placed a hand over her eyes as she laughed softly.

“Yeah…yeah I remember Brody very well.” Dess said, smirking as she took another swig from the bottle and avoided Andy’s gaze. She was trying to keep the blush from her cheeks, but Dess knew that Andy had already seen her embarrassment.

“From what I heard he never forgot you…you rocked his world Dess!” Kit shouted as all of the guys laughed and cat called-except Andy-who just sat there, one eyebrow still raised with a soft and curious smirk placed on his lips.

“I did not! Besides he’s married and has a kid now…he probably married some cute cheerleader…” Dess said, shooting Andy a ‘please stop looking at me like that’ look and he only continued to stare at her.

“Who is Brody Fletcher?” Andy asked finally and Dess groaned as Kit smiled like the Cheshire Cat and elbowed her best friend in the ribs. Kit began to speak, but Dess smacked her hand over Kit’s mouth, squealing as the other girl bit down on this inside of Dess’ fingers and then turned to Andy.

“Brody Fletcher was Dess’ first…in a lot of ways…especially when she got on the back of his motor bike.” Kit giggled, obviously drunk and Dess only hid behind her hands, too afraid to look at Andy. He knew she wasn’t a virgin when they had met, but Dess had done some things in her wild past that she wasn’t particularly proud of at the age of twenty-three.

“Uh, so he was her first boyfriend?” Andy asked and Dess only blushed more and Andy felt stupid as CC only patted him on the back, almost as if he was saying, ‘if that’s what you want to think bro…’ and Andy wasn’t sure what was going on with Dess. She looked like a cherry and she also looked like she wanted to strangle Kit in that moment.

“Uh, well he was her first fuck…boyfriend status came later…after a few more trips on the motorbike. They used to fuck like bunnies! All over the school-in the locker rooms-the bathrooms and even in the teacher’s lounge! I remem-“ Dess had clapped her hand over Kit’s mouth once again and no matter how hard she bit, Dess was not moving her palm. Andy didn’t need to know any more about her sorrid and whorish past.

“Wow dude-I didn’t know you were such a harlot!” CC joked, nudging Andy as Dess only sunk lower in her seat, her hands still covering her face. She had always hoped that Andy would never find out about her past, but Kit being Kit couldn’t let things be.

“Dess was only like that when she was a teenager, right?” Jinxx asked, looking from Andy to Kit and finally his eyes landed on Odessa. She had never thought drinking vodka with Kit like old times would turn in to her ultimate judgment day.

“Oh no…even during her internship she was a big ol’ ho!” Kit laughed and suddenly Dess was up, her hands hanging at her sides as she walked off towards their tent. She could hear Ashley snoring loudly, but Dess didn’t care as she reached out for the zipper and pulled it down quickly.


Dess slumped down on the sleeping bag that she and Andy would be cuddled under later that night and soon Dess found herself laying on her back, her arms behind her head as she stared up at the stars through the mesh ceiling. Her past was something that Dess had always been ashamed of-she had always been rebellious in her looks and her music choices and she was fine with that. But Dess had gone through a time-right around when her father got sick-where she did a lot of things that she didn’t want to ever think about again.

That had been why she made Andy wait so long-she didn’t want to be seen as just another band whore or groupie. Dess wanted to make sure that it was real with Andy before she jumped in. She wanted to love him for all of the things in his life-not just his body or his fame. It took six months, but finally it had happened and Dess knew that waiting had been the right option.

She laid there, her eyes trained above her as Dess heard the zipper on the tent open and she refused to look to see who it was. With any luck it would be Kit, coming to drunkenly give her some half assed apology and Dess would just ignore her-she had gotten really good at ignoring Kit when she got drunk and obnoxious. Dess kept her eyes on the sky as she felt someone lay down next to her, a large hand reaching out to wrap around her waist as a lanky tattooed arm pulled her to the side. Andy. He was her rock-he always would be and as Dess glanced towards him she sighed. His blue eyes were confused, but there was an air of understanding behind those baby blues and Dess smiled softly as she reached out and kissed his lips softly.


“Anything you want to tell me?” He asked as Dess pulled away from him and bit down on her lower lip. She had gotten this bad habit from Andy and she smiled as she closed her mouth and just tucked her head against the crook of his neck.

“No-nothing that Kit hasn’t already spilled the beans on with her incredibly big mouth.” She said, her breath tickling the side of his neck as Andy smirked against her hair.

“Please tell me what all of that was about. Trust me-I’m in no position to judge…I have my own dirty past to contend with.” Andy said, his lips moving against her hair and Dess only sighed as she moved to sit up, her legs crossed as she faced him.

“When I was sixteen and my dad started getting sick-before we knew what it was-I fell in with a bad crowd. Brody was the leader of this little pack and he was devastatingly handsome. I remember he used to ride around on this old vintage motor bike and I thought he was the best thing in the world. I was stupid and I let him take advantage of me when I thought I needed his approval…” Dess said, her cheeks burning as Andy just sat there quietly. He held one of her hands in his, the rings on his fingers cool against her skin as Dess inhaled deeply and continued.

“We dated, Brody and I, but it was a really terrible situation and I ended up getting a reputation for sleeping around. I slept around, but only with Brody…we just took our times together to other places besides the bedroom. When I graduated, Brody and I broke things off and I got my internship in LA. Dad was full on diagnosed by then and to help keep the pain from affecting me I lost control. I turned in to a real party girl when I was in LA…” Dess stopped, Andy was smirking at her, his fingers squeezing hers as he just looked at her with that soft look in his eyes.

“I remember seeing you at that party Dess. I know you had your wild ways…” Andy said, his smile soft as Dess only shook her head.

“You saw me one night…every night was like that for me, but when I came home-when dad died, I knew that I couldn’t be that way anymore. Moira was getting to the age where she was learning who she was and I didn’t want her to end up like me. So-I changed, in every way possible.” Dess smiled softly as she moved to lay back down, Andy coming with her as he pulled Dess towards him and she rested her head on his chest.

“Who did you date after LA?” He asked, his fingers running down her arms slowly and Dess shivered under his touch. Low voices called out, saying goodnight and suddenly Kit was in the tent, drunkenly stumbling over the couple as she snarled something to Ashley and huddled beneath her own sleeping bag.


Andy knew this conversation wasn’t over and so with a quick nod of his head towards the door, he and Dess were up and walking hand in hand over towards the dying fire. Dess threw another log on as Andy settled himself against one of the long logs, his skinny legs stretched out in front of him as he motioned for Dess to come sit in front of him. She cuddled against his chest, her hands resting in her lap as Andy placed his own on top of hers as they sat there in silence and listened to the crickets and owls sing in to the dark night. Dess looked in to the fire, a soft smile on her lips as she thought over everything. She had grown up and while her past was less than desirable for some, she knew that Andy would understand. After all-how many groupies had he slept with before they got together?


“You going to answer me babe?” Andy asked, his chin resting on her head as Dess only looked up at the stars, a peaceful look clouding her features as she smiled.

“You…” She said simply and Andy became confused. Dess was a gorgeous girl, both inside and out and he couldn’t believe that she had only officially dated two guys. Andy smirked-he had dated a lot of girls, but each relationship had only lasted until the next tour started and then the girls would get insecure-Dess never seemed to be that way.

“You’re lying! You are too perfect to only have dated me and one other person babe…” Andy said, his voice low and sleepy and Dess shook her head as she bent her head back until she caught his blue eyes in the firelight.

“It’s true! And I am far from perfect, but you’re wonderful to think so. I never wanted to date anyone, even when we met I was unsure if we would ever get together, but something changed all of that…” Her voice was low as Andy kissed the top of her head. He had fought so hard for her and it made him happy to know that it had been worth the fight.

“What changed? I know you put up one hell of a fight against me…you nearly had me giving up there at the end baby.” He laughed, his low chuckle shaking in his chest as Dess only smiled and turned to face him. She straddled his lap, her hands resting against his cheeks as she leaned in and pressed her lips against his, her long blonde and pink hair flying around their heads in the soft wind.

“I fell in love with you…you became my best friend and I started realizing that I couldn’t be without you. It’s taken us a while to get to this place and I still have doubts sometimes, but I would die for you Andy…I would do anything for you.” She kissed him again, her lips soft against his and Andy fell in to her kiss, his eyes fluttering closed as he got lost in everything that was Odessa.

“I love you so much it hurts to breathe sometimes…you drive me crazy…” His voice was a low growl as Andy pulled away from her, his forehead resting against hers as he looked into her eyes. The fire light flicked across the skin of her face and Andy felt himself fall in love with Odessa Montgomery all over again.

“So who was your first? Since we’re sharing and all…” Dess laughed as she pulled away from him, but her legs were still straddling his.

“Shit…I think her name was Amy…something. I don’t know-I had just moved out to LA and I was in deeper than I thought. She was there…with food and a place to stay and so I took it. God that almost makes me sound like a prostitute!” Andy laughed, throwing his head back as Dess only chuckled and began to move to sit next to him. Andy reached out, his long fingers wrapping around her waist as he held her there and soon her lips were against his again.


The kiss deepened and Dess felt Andy’s fingers search underneath her shirt, one of his hands coming to rest on her chest as she sighed against his mouth. She ground her hips against him, feeling his growl build in his chest before he let it escape and she only smiled against his lips. He bit down on her lower lip, sucking the pain away as they stayed there under the swaying branches on the trees, the woodland creatures getting quite the show.

Dess moved away from him slightly, tugging her shirt above her head as Andy’s fingers fumbled with her bra. Soon she was naked from the waist up and Dess felt her head fall back as his lips trailed down her chest and soon her fingers were searching out the button on his skinny jeans. With some smooth maneuvering they were both soon naked and giggling as the cool night air kissed their heated skin.


“You sure you don’t want to take this to the tent?” Andy asked as Dess only shook her head, lowering down as her hips began to rock back and forth.

“N-No…” She moaned, her head going back as Andy bucked his hips up to meet hers and Dess felt herself losing control.


The couple continued on in their passion, not caring who saw or heard them. They lived for one another in that moment and once the moment had ceased and they both were breathing heavily, their chests heaving in time as Dess curled up against Andy’s chest, her hair plastered to her sweat covered face as her moss green eyes stared off in to the fire. This-this is why Dess had fallen so head over heels for Andy…the fact that they could just be.

There was no need to fill the silence with mindless chatter or pleasantries. They could laugh and joke and be funny or silly together, but they also could sit in the same room, her sketching while he read or worked on his music. Everything was so effortless with Andy and these days Dess needed something in her life that just happened so easily.


“Shall we head to bed? We’ve got an early start in the morning with this hiking expedition that you have planned…” Andy laughed, his chest shaking slightly as Dess sat up and smiled at him. She was making everyone hike up the mountain-well the guys called it a mountain, but to Dess and Kit it was something that was an adventure.

“Should we put clothes on?” Dess asked as she stood up, her naked flesh getting goosebumps as she moved to throw water and ash on to the fire. Andy only smirked as he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the smoking pit.

“I don’t see why-they’ve all seen you naked…” He smirked back at her as Dess only blushed and reached for his hand as they walked off towards their tent.


Andy smirked as he unzipped the tent and the still night air was filled with the dueling snores coming from Kit and Ash’s end of the tent. Dess climbed in, yelping quietly as Andy smacked her on the butt playfully and she only shook her head as she climbed underneath the shelter of their huge sleeping bag. Andy joined her then, his arm held out for her to snuggle against his chest and Dess smiled in the darkness as she scooted over and soon her head was slowly rising and falling to the rhythm of his breathing. Andy kissed the top of her head, smiling against her hair as he looked up towards the sky. The stars winked at them as the couple laid there, both of them slowly falling asleep.


“I love you Andy…” Dess’ voice was low and sleepy as she kissed the skin of his chest and Andy only smiled to himself in the darkness.

“I’m pretty sure I love you more Dess…” He said and he felt her lips form into a soft smile before she drifted off to sleep.


Andy did love Dess, but he was so concerned with her health and happiness and as he laid there he couldn’t help but wonder if her being with him was good for her.

Notes

So I was sitting here, drinking hot chocolate and listening to the Acoustic Yellowcard album and I said to my self- 'Self, you should really update again today since your faithful readers and reviewers are so awesome...'

So here we are with a back to back update! But keep in mind that thursday will be the time I will update this story until after the Holidays. So get those lovely reviews in and maybe I'll give you guys a sneak peek at some later chapters!

Review <3

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