What It Is To Burn
We'll Be Home For Christmas
Andy placed the final piece of tape on the box that sat in front of him and then sighed loudly. There, everything that needed to be wrapped for tomorrow morning was done and thankfully so because Andy hated wrapping presents and was actually really bad at it. Dess-however-made it look like an art, with handmade bows and everything, but of course she refused to share her secret technique with him. Andy looked out the sliding glass doors, smiling as he watched as Dess moved around the snow covered yard as she tried to shovel some of the snow off of the walkway. They had been home one and a half days and of course it had snowed their first day back.
He stretched his arms over his head, yawning widely as Andy thought back over the past few days. Seeing Dess standing there, her newly dyed red hair and in her Batgirl outfit-Andy felt his heart melt at the site of her. The hair was a shock, but he liked it and Dess seemed to love it, which was the only thing that mattered to him. He was happy-the movie had done well at the three screenings that they had had for it and the album was getting ready to drop on the 8th of next month and by then they would be on tour. Andy smirked as he moved to get up, walking over to where his jacket hung on a peg and he pulled out a small wrapped parcel and glanced out the door. Dess seemed to have given up and was currently stomping her way up the back steps.
Perfect.
“Did you surrender?” Andy asked and then laughed as Dess took off her white knit cap and held it up in the air, waving it back and forth slowly as she smiled over at him. Her nose and cheeks were bright pink and Andy moved to her slowly, first kissing her nose and then her mouth to try and warm her up.
“Yes…get everything wrapped?” Dess asked, smiling up at him as she passed and moved over to the stove, grabbing a mug and getting herself a nice, hot, cup of hot cocoa.
“Everything that needs to be wrapped…” Andy said, his tone mysterious as he joined her at the table and Dess looked at him, one eyebrow raised in confusion.
“Well tomorrow is the big day…” She smiled at him over the rim of her cup and Andy only smirked at her as he placed the small parcel on the table and pushed it towards her.
“Something for you to open early…”He smirked as Dess only looked at him warily and picked up the thin package, turning it over in her hands as she pushed her thumb underneath one slit and heard the paper rip.
“You’re up to someth-“ Dess stopped as she looked down at the CD in her hands and then looked back up at Andy, shock lacing her features. It was their new CD, the dark artwork shining back up at her along with the words Black Veil Brides-Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones.
“That, right there, is the very first copy of our new CD. No one else will ever have that and the guys and I agreed that you should be the first to listen to everything as a whole…” Andy looked over at her, his eyes bright and happy as Dess just turned over the case in her hands and noticed that it wasn’t sealed. She opened the case and watched as five folded pieces of paper fell out and landed on the table in front of her.
“What is this?” She asked quietly, picking up one piece as Andy grabbed for her hand and Dess looked up at him.
“We wanted you to listen to the CD, but I also had the guys write out small notes…in case you wanted to give this to someone else…” He bent his head down and Dess knew then what this really was and then she remembered Andy’s words to Moira as the small girl died slowly over the span of six months. This CD had been given to Dess because it was really meant for Moira.
“Will-will you come with me?” Dess asked quietly as she put the papers back into the front part of the case and closed it quietly. Andy nodded silently as the two of them moved from the table and grabbed their jackets.
Odessa clung to the CD in her hands as she walked through the snow, her calf length boots keeping her legs warm as she walked towards the car and moved to get behind the wheel. Andy came to her then, taking the keys from her hand as he leaned down and kissed her, his nose warming hers as they stood there for a moment. They both got into the car silently, Dess opening the CD case and pulling out the CD to put into her seldom used player. She listened as familiar songs played, until finally a soft noise came from her speakers and Dess realized that this was probably the only song she had yet to hear. Andy stiffened next to her as he inhaled and then began to sing along with himself.
Then I lost it all
Dead and broken.
My back's against the wall.
Cut me open.
I'm just trying to breathe,
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down.
I said, "Then I lost it all."
And who can save me now?
Dess felt her mouth drop open as she listened to the song that was playing and then looked to Andy. They were at a stop light, so he was turned towards her, his eyes watery as he sang to her lowly and Dess felt her eyes tear up as she looked at him. This song-he had written this song as a last resort for the record…this was the song he had written after she’d had her huge breakdown. As the song came to an end and they kept driving, Dess pulled out the small slips of paper, setting them in her lap as she picked them up one by one and read the small messages that the band had written for her sister.
Misfit,
I can’t believe it’s been over six months since we lost you-I miss joking around with you and us picking on Dess together. Every night before I get behind those drums I think about how happy you always seemed. I miss you lil’ misfit…-CC
Moira,
Andy asked us to write something to you for when he gives this to Dess and so here I am. I wish we had been able to get to know you better, but I know you’re in a good place right now and just know that we’re all here for Dess and we’re all looking out for her. -Jake
Lizzy,
God, I still can’t believe you’re gone. I’ll miss our talks about classical music and the bickering that we would do over who was better Beethoven or Bache. Dess misses you, but Andy’s taking good care of her. Enjoy being high in the sky and I hope you see every show we play-know that we play for you.-Jinxx
MoiMoi,
Man I still miss you every day. All those funny pictures you used to send me…Dess tries to send me some but it’s not the same. Don’t worry, I’m trying to not be such a manwhore, but I do miss you teasing me about all of my scores. Take care girlie and just know that I will always miss you.-Ashley
Moirabear,
Dess is a mess without you, but she’s getting better every day. I can’t wait until we get married and I see her walking down towards me-I just wish you could be there for her. She’s lonely without you and I know that I can never replace you, but I am trying. I miss you-I miss having someone back me up when I tease Dess and I miss you calling me Androo…I’ll never let anyone call me that ever…that’s only for you. I know that you see us play every night and just know that whenever we play In The End or Wretched and Divine-it’s all for you. You’ll always be the little sister that I wished I could have had and I love you.-Andy
Dess wiped at her eyes as she looked out the window and took in the small snow covered town that was her home. The small shops were brightly lit up, their windows filled with Christmas displays and Dess felt happy as she remembered walking down these streets with Moira, sipping hot chocolate as the town held its annual Christmas event. She and Andy had missed it this year because they were in LA and while Dess and Moira had gone the previous year, she promised herself that next Christmas she would expose Andy to what living in a small town was really like. As the car turned a corner, Dess felt her breath catch in her throat as the cemetery came into view and she could see all of the snow capped stones standing silently off in the distance.
“You gonna be okay babe?” Andy asked from beside her as the car came to a stop and Dess only nodded as she pulled at her fingerless black gloves and reached for the door handle.
It was a quick walk to Moira’s grave and Dess felt almost like her feet automatically knew where to go, even though she had only been here a handful of times. She had thought that she would be here more often, but Dess found it depressing and sad, so she had only come when she really needed to get away. She looked down, seeing Moira’s stone sitting there, the snow topping it like a hat and Dess chuckled as she swept at the snow and watched it fall. She bent down, resting on her knees in the snow and Andy stood behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders as Dess looked over. Her father, her grandfathers, one grandmother and three cousins were all laid to rest in this area. Next to Moira was an empty space and between Moira and their father was another. Dess and her mother.
“Hey Moira. Well it’s almost Christmas and Andy and I wanted to bring you your present…”Dess said softly, the wind carrying her words away as Andy gripped at her shoulders. He was trying to keep his tears at bay, but one look down at that stone and he was a blubbering mess.
“This is the very first copy of their new CD. It even has a spot in the booklet where they dedicated it to you. I know you can hear me from where you are and I just want you to know that I miss you Monkey…” Dess said as she reached a gloved hand out and placed it over Moira’s name.
“…we both miss you and we both love you.” Andy said as he watched Dess place the CD against the other two that someone had already left and then she stood.
They walked back to the car in silence; their hands linked as Andy looked down at Dess and kissed the top of her head. He hoped with this behind them that he and Dess could have a good night together and an even better Christmas Day tomorrow.
The two of them arrived back at the house and Dess immediately went in to planning mode. Andy had realized that this was something she did when she was either sad, uncomfortable or angry and he was unsure of which emotion this planning spree was supposed to suppress. It was only going to be the two of them for Christmas, since the band was getting ready to tour and his parents were visiting relatives and really the two of them just wanted to be home for a few days before chaos reigned. As Dess moved around the kitchen, her iPod playing softly in the background, Andy just sat at the bar and watched her.
“Uh no…those are for tomorrow…” Dess said, smacking at Andy’s hand as he reached towards a plate full of cookies and she had caught him.
“Just one?” He pouted up at her, grabbing in for a cookie and slowly bringing it to his mouth as he smirked and bit down softly. It was delicious and as Andy greedily ate his contraband cookie, he knew he was lucky that Dess not only loved to cook, but also that she was really good at it.
Andy smiled as he finished his cookie and left Dess to her running around and soon he found himself on the couch, a fire blazing in the fire place with Crow snoozing on his chest. The Christmas tree in the corner glowed in the dim light and he felt warm and happy as he laid there, thinking back to the last Christmas he and Dess had spent together. It had been so new back then-the sex, but everything was still new to him. He’d had girlfriends before, sure, but none that he loved and cherished as much as Dess. Andy smiled as he thought back to the very moment that he realized that he had fallen in love with this wonderful girl.
It had been the time in between her first visit out to LA for work and the Halloween party , the band was on tour overseas and trying to spend time with Dess had been near impossible, but they had managed. Andy remembered it perfectly-they had been skyping and Dess was starting to fall asleep at the computer, her head nodding forward as she slurred her way through their conversation. Andy watched, smirking and wide eyed as finally she had succumbed to her exhaustion and fell face forward down onto the keyboard. Andy laughed about that for hours, but it was in that moment that he realized that this girl-this funny, carefree, goofy girl-was who he was meant to be with.
Now it was over a year later and they were together, in every way and in less than a year they would be married. Andy felt nervous as he thought about their wedding, which Dess had decided was going to be on Halloween since that was their favorite holiday and it was easy for Andy to remember. He couldn’t wait and was sad that it was still ten months away, but if he could wait for Dess to fall in love with him then Andy knew he could wait ten months to have her be his forever.
Andy would always wait for Dess…until his dying day.
He stretched his arms over his head, yawning widely as Andy thought back over the past few days. Seeing Dess standing there, her newly dyed red hair and in her Batgirl outfit-Andy felt his heart melt at the site of her. The hair was a shock, but he liked it and Dess seemed to love it, which was the only thing that mattered to him. He was happy-the movie had done well at the three screenings that they had had for it and the album was getting ready to drop on the 8th of next month and by then they would be on tour. Andy smirked as he moved to get up, walking over to where his jacket hung on a peg and he pulled out a small wrapped parcel and glanced out the door. Dess seemed to have given up and was currently stomping her way up the back steps.
Perfect.
“Did you surrender?” Andy asked and then laughed as Dess took off her white knit cap and held it up in the air, waving it back and forth slowly as she smiled over at him. Her nose and cheeks were bright pink and Andy moved to her slowly, first kissing her nose and then her mouth to try and warm her up.
“Yes…get everything wrapped?” Dess asked, smiling up at him as she passed and moved over to the stove, grabbing a mug and getting herself a nice, hot, cup of hot cocoa.
“Everything that needs to be wrapped…” Andy said, his tone mysterious as he joined her at the table and Dess looked at him, one eyebrow raised in confusion.
“Well tomorrow is the big day…” She smiled at him over the rim of her cup and Andy only smirked at her as he placed the small parcel on the table and pushed it towards her.
“Something for you to open early…”He smirked as Dess only looked at him warily and picked up the thin package, turning it over in her hands as she pushed her thumb underneath one slit and heard the paper rip.
“You’re up to someth-“ Dess stopped as she looked down at the CD in her hands and then looked back up at Andy, shock lacing her features. It was their new CD, the dark artwork shining back up at her along with the words Black Veil Brides-Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones.
“That, right there, is the very first copy of our new CD. No one else will ever have that and the guys and I agreed that you should be the first to listen to everything as a whole…” Andy looked over at her, his eyes bright and happy as Dess just turned over the case in her hands and noticed that it wasn’t sealed. She opened the case and watched as five folded pieces of paper fell out and landed on the table in front of her.
“What is this?” She asked quietly, picking up one piece as Andy grabbed for her hand and Dess looked up at him.
“We wanted you to listen to the CD, but I also had the guys write out small notes…in case you wanted to give this to someone else…” He bent his head down and Dess knew then what this really was and then she remembered Andy’s words to Moira as the small girl died slowly over the span of six months. This CD had been given to Dess because it was really meant for Moira.
“Will-will you come with me?” Dess asked quietly as she put the papers back into the front part of the case and closed it quietly. Andy nodded silently as the two of them moved from the table and grabbed their jackets.
Odessa clung to the CD in her hands as she walked through the snow, her calf length boots keeping her legs warm as she walked towards the car and moved to get behind the wheel. Andy came to her then, taking the keys from her hand as he leaned down and kissed her, his nose warming hers as they stood there for a moment. They both got into the car silently, Dess opening the CD case and pulling out the CD to put into her seldom used player. She listened as familiar songs played, until finally a soft noise came from her speakers and Dess realized that this was probably the only song she had yet to hear. Andy stiffened next to her as he inhaled and then began to sing along with himself.
Then I lost it all
Dead and broken.
My back's against the wall.
Cut me open.
I'm just trying to breathe,
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down.
I said, "Then I lost it all."
And who can save me now?
Dess felt her mouth drop open as she listened to the song that was playing and then looked to Andy. They were at a stop light, so he was turned towards her, his eyes watery as he sang to her lowly and Dess felt her eyes tear up as she looked at him. This song-he had written this song as a last resort for the record…this was the song he had written after she’d had her huge breakdown. As the song came to an end and they kept driving, Dess pulled out the small slips of paper, setting them in her lap as she picked them up one by one and read the small messages that the band had written for her sister.
Misfit,
I can’t believe it’s been over six months since we lost you-I miss joking around with you and us picking on Dess together. Every night before I get behind those drums I think about how happy you always seemed. I miss you lil’ misfit…-CC
Moira,
Andy asked us to write something to you for when he gives this to Dess and so here I am. I wish we had been able to get to know you better, but I know you’re in a good place right now and just know that we’re all here for Dess and we’re all looking out for her. -Jake
Lizzy,
God, I still can’t believe you’re gone. I’ll miss our talks about classical music and the bickering that we would do over who was better Beethoven or Bache. Dess misses you, but Andy’s taking good care of her. Enjoy being high in the sky and I hope you see every show we play-know that we play for you.-Jinxx
MoiMoi,
Man I still miss you every day. All those funny pictures you used to send me…Dess tries to send me some but it’s not the same. Don’t worry, I’m trying to not be such a manwhore, but I do miss you teasing me about all of my scores. Take care girlie and just know that I will always miss you.-Ashley
Moirabear,
Dess is a mess without you, but she’s getting better every day. I can’t wait until we get married and I see her walking down towards me-I just wish you could be there for her. She’s lonely without you and I know that I can never replace you, but I am trying. I miss you-I miss having someone back me up when I tease Dess and I miss you calling me Androo…I’ll never let anyone call me that ever…that’s only for you. I know that you see us play every night and just know that whenever we play In The End or Wretched and Divine-it’s all for you. You’ll always be the little sister that I wished I could have had and I love you.-Andy
Dess wiped at her eyes as she looked out the window and took in the small snow covered town that was her home. The small shops were brightly lit up, their windows filled with Christmas displays and Dess felt happy as she remembered walking down these streets with Moira, sipping hot chocolate as the town held its annual Christmas event. She and Andy had missed it this year because they were in LA and while Dess and Moira had gone the previous year, she promised herself that next Christmas she would expose Andy to what living in a small town was really like. As the car turned a corner, Dess felt her breath catch in her throat as the cemetery came into view and she could see all of the snow capped stones standing silently off in the distance.
“You gonna be okay babe?” Andy asked from beside her as the car came to a stop and Dess only nodded as she pulled at her fingerless black gloves and reached for the door handle.
It was a quick walk to Moira’s grave and Dess felt almost like her feet automatically knew where to go, even though she had only been here a handful of times. She had thought that she would be here more often, but Dess found it depressing and sad, so she had only come when she really needed to get away. She looked down, seeing Moira’s stone sitting there, the snow topping it like a hat and Dess chuckled as she swept at the snow and watched it fall. She bent down, resting on her knees in the snow and Andy stood behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders as Dess looked over. Her father, her grandfathers, one grandmother and three cousins were all laid to rest in this area. Next to Moira was an empty space and between Moira and their father was another. Dess and her mother.
“Hey Moira. Well it’s almost Christmas and Andy and I wanted to bring you your present…”Dess said softly, the wind carrying her words away as Andy gripped at her shoulders. He was trying to keep his tears at bay, but one look down at that stone and he was a blubbering mess.
“This is the very first copy of their new CD. It even has a spot in the booklet where they dedicated it to you. I know you can hear me from where you are and I just want you to know that I miss you Monkey…” Dess said as she reached a gloved hand out and placed it over Moira’s name.
“…we both miss you and we both love you.” Andy said as he watched Dess place the CD against the other two that someone had already left and then she stood.
They walked back to the car in silence; their hands linked as Andy looked down at Dess and kissed the top of her head. He hoped with this behind them that he and Dess could have a good night together and an even better Christmas Day tomorrow.
The two of them arrived back at the house and Dess immediately went in to planning mode. Andy had realized that this was something she did when she was either sad, uncomfortable or angry and he was unsure of which emotion this planning spree was supposed to suppress. It was only going to be the two of them for Christmas, since the band was getting ready to tour and his parents were visiting relatives and really the two of them just wanted to be home for a few days before chaos reigned. As Dess moved around the kitchen, her iPod playing softly in the background, Andy just sat at the bar and watched her.
“Uh no…those are for tomorrow…” Dess said, smacking at Andy’s hand as he reached towards a plate full of cookies and she had caught him.
“Just one?” He pouted up at her, grabbing in for a cookie and slowly bringing it to his mouth as he smirked and bit down softly. It was delicious and as Andy greedily ate his contraband cookie, he knew he was lucky that Dess not only loved to cook, but also that she was really good at it.
Andy smiled as he finished his cookie and left Dess to her running around and soon he found himself on the couch, a fire blazing in the fire place with Crow snoozing on his chest. The Christmas tree in the corner glowed in the dim light and he felt warm and happy as he laid there, thinking back to the last Christmas he and Dess had spent together. It had been so new back then-the sex, but everything was still new to him. He’d had girlfriends before, sure, but none that he loved and cherished as much as Dess. Andy smiled as he thought back to the very moment that he realized that he had fallen in love with this wonderful girl.
It had been the time in between her first visit out to LA for work and the Halloween party , the band was on tour overseas and trying to spend time with Dess had been near impossible, but they had managed. Andy remembered it perfectly-they had been skyping and Dess was starting to fall asleep at the computer, her head nodding forward as she slurred her way through their conversation. Andy watched, smirking and wide eyed as finally she had succumbed to her exhaustion and fell face forward down onto the keyboard. Andy laughed about that for hours, but it was in that moment that he realized that this girl-this funny, carefree, goofy girl-was who he was meant to be with.
Now it was over a year later and they were together, in every way and in less than a year they would be married. Andy felt nervous as he thought about their wedding, which Dess had decided was going to be on Halloween since that was their favorite holiday and it was easy for Andy to remember. He couldn’t wait and was sad that it was still ten months away, but if he could wait for Dess to fall in love with him then Andy knew he could wait ten months to have her be his forever.
Andy would always wait for Dess…until his dying day.
Notes
An update! I actually got teary eyed reading over the guys notes to Moira : (So, I am currently writing something for this story that I have been wanting to write since I started everything-their wedding. Chapters 44, 45, 46, 47, and 48 will all be their wedding and reception so yay for that!
What It Is To Burn Tumblr
Also, if anyone is interested here are some other platforms that I am on if you would like to follow me(I always follow back)
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@Broken Wing
Here's my problem, though. As I am starting the final series, I won't be able to go to my regular computer because it's broken, and I can't view certain chapters on my iPad. So now my mom knows why I'm suddenly in a bitchy mood. :/
6/11/14