Bound By Love
Eternal Darkness
Andy
He was so damn temperamental. I mean all I did was say I wanted to keep my problems to myself and that was all. He went all diva on my ass and stormed out. I got up from my bed and went over to grab my sketch book. I leaped back into my bed making the springs creak and started sketching. I am just so pissed by his sudden ability to maintain his anger over something so stupid. Keeping to myself won't hurt me, I've done it for years, but he is new to this because 1) he has a brother and 2) he didn't need to keep to himself until he was eight. I’ve been doing this my whole damn life. My mom still doesn't know about the art club I participate in at school. That’s how I met Ashley, he is an anime/manga artist and he liked my photo I drew of BOTDF Jay Von Monroe. We've been friends ever since, he and I talk about everything and he kind of became the one person I can open up to.
“Knock, knock.” I looked up over my sketch book and saw Ashley.
“Dude, it’s like nine ‘o clock, what are you doing here?” He was unusually quiet and I know that Ashley isn’t quiet.
“S—sorry I just needed someone to talk to.” He looked like he was trying not to cry that’s when I realized he wasn’t wearing his eyeliner. I sat up and put my book down.
“Ashley, what’s going on?” He let out a sob and he would’ve fell to his knees in tears if I hadn’t caught him.
“What happened?” I asked. He sniffed up a few tears and looked at me. I know that look.
“How long?”
“3 hours and I just couldn’t…I spent my entire life making sure she was okay and for her to just…I can’t do this Andy.” He confessed.
“She wouldn’t want you to be like this. Think about Mirta, Ash, think about how she would want you to move on from this shit and live your life knowing you did all you could to protect her and to love her.”
“I know but it still hurts. I just needed to see you man.” I sighed and we went over to my bed.
“I actually wanted to talk to you.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and looked at me.
“What about?”
“I…kissed Bill and I think I might have feelings for him.” He chuckled.
“Dude, I think even Stevie Wonder saw that coming.”
“Wait, you knew?”
“Dude, all those pictures you’ve been drawing. You get all deep in thought when you think about him and you were so adamant about making sure he was okay. Dude it was obvious you liked him. Everyone knew you guys liked each other except you guys.” He joked.
“Really? Well, I didn’t know it was that obvious.”
“Kind of is, Andy. Where is he?”
“Getting ready for bed, he’s going to be staying here a while.”
“Oh, I see. At least now he has you and he won’t be suffering at his father’s hand.”
“I guess.” I looked down the ground and sighed.
Bill
It hurts, all of this hurts. I just want to die so badly but I know that I am to chicken to go through with it. I resorted to just slice my wrists up and down and watching the blood spill from my arm. I hate pain yet I just have to cut myself. It takes away the all of my other pains and frustrations. Tears fell from my hazel eyes and I just leaned up against the wall in the bathroom. Why is it I can fake a smile but now I can’t even stop crying? I had to be quiet; I can’t let them hear me cry. I heard someone knocking and I stumbled to clean up my mess.
“Bill, are you okay?” Damn, the cuts won’t stop bleeding! Stop! Stop! Please just stop! I furiously wiped my eyes and tried to make it look like I was okay. The door opened and Andy peered up in the mirror.
“Bill…what are you?”
“Nothing! I am not doing anything…I’m fine.” I pulled a fake smile and continued to wipe the tears from my eyes.
“You’re lying. The razor is on the floor behind you.” My heart stopped and I slowly turned around to see the bloody razor was in fact behind me. I slipped to the floor and let the tears fall. I hated when people got into my business.
“Why are you even in here? I wanted to be alone, Andy!”
“I was coming to tell you that Ashley will be spending the night and he’ll be sleeping in my room on the extra bed. I was letting you know we’re sharing a bed.”
“I’ll sleep in the living room.”
“You don’t ha---.”
“I am not sharing a bed with you! I am never sharing a bed with anyone ever again because all you people do is try to take advantage. I am tired of people taking what they want from me. You think that a few smiles and a kiss change anything, because it fucking doesn’t. I hate everyone and that includes you. You people do nothing but smile like life is fair and okay. Life is bullshit, you’re bullshit. You tell me that I am safe here but you hide things from me. How the fuck is that safe? How can I be reassured of my safety when you people keep things from me? You’re cruel, heartless and evil. At least when I was with my father I knew where I stood. I knew how things would be and as sick as this may sound I was okay with that. I’d rather be abused and raped knowing full well it happened then live under lies. I don’t runaway from my problems I face them. All this secrecy does nothing for me and all you’ve done for me and make me feel uneasy. I don’t like it.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. If there’s anything I can do about that?”
“Tell me why you were in the hospital?”
“I…collapsed.”
“Why did you collapse?”
“I am not exactly the healthiest person on this planet.”
“What’s wrong with you, Andy? Tell me!”
“I can’t, I’m sorry.” I got up and looked at him.
“Yeah and so am I. Sorry I am so irrelevant to your life you can’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong with you. Sorry that I am intruding in on your life, once my dad’s case is finalized I’ll be gone. I’ll move in with my mom and brother and you’ll never have to worry about me ever again.” I pushed pass him and went up the stairs to the room I was being forced to share. Ashley laid on the bed in fetal position and I just took a corner of the room.
“Bill…what is it that makes people suffer?” He randomly asked.
“I don’t fucking know.”
“How do you handle pain and depression?” I glanced at my wrist.
“You don’t want to know. I’m sleepy so I’ll go to bed, goodnight.” I laid on the carpeted floor and closed my eyes. Eternal darkness, that’s where I belong.
He was so damn temperamental. I mean all I did was say I wanted to keep my problems to myself and that was all. He went all diva on my ass and stormed out. I got up from my bed and went over to grab my sketch book. I leaped back into my bed making the springs creak and started sketching. I am just so pissed by his sudden ability to maintain his anger over something so stupid. Keeping to myself won't hurt me, I've done it for years, but he is new to this because 1) he has a brother and 2) he didn't need to keep to himself until he was eight. I’ve been doing this my whole damn life. My mom still doesn't know about the art club I participate in at school. That’s how I met Ashley, he is an anime/manga artist and he liked my photo I drew of BOTDF Jay Von Monroe. We've been friends ever since, he and I talk about everything and he kind of became the one person I can open up to.
“Knock, knock.” I looked up over my sketch book and saw Ashley.
“Dude, it’s like nine ‘o clock, what are you doing here?” He was unusually quiet and I know that Ashley isn’t quiet.
“S—sorry I just needed someone to talk to.” He looked like he was trying not to cry that’s when I realized he wasn’t wearing his eyeliner. I sat up and put my book down.
“Ashley, what’s going on?” He let out a sob and he would’ve fell to his knees in tears if I hadn’t caught him.
“What happened?” I asked. He sniffed up a few tears and looked at me. I know that look.
“How long?”
“3 hours and I just couldn’t…I spent my entire life making sure she was okay and for her to just…I can’t do this Andy.” He confessed.
“She wouldn’t want you to be like this. Think about Mirta, Ash, think about how she would want you to move on from this shit and live your life knowing you did all you could to protect her and to love her.”
“I know but it still hurts. I just needed to see you man.” I sighed and we went over to my bed.
“I actually wanted to talk to you.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and looked at me.
“What about?”
“I…kissed Bill and I think I might have feelings for him.” He chuckled.
“Dude, I think even Stevie Wonder saw that coming.”
“Wait, you knew?”
“Dude, all those pictures you’ve been drawing. You get all deep in thought when you think about him and you were so adamant about making sure he was okay. Dude it was obvious you liked him. Everyone knew you guys liked each other except you guys.” He joked.
“Really? Well, I didn’t know it was that obvious.”
“Kind of is, Andy. Where is he?”
“Getting ready for bed, he’s going to be staying here a while.”
“Oh, I see. At least now he has you and he won’t be suffering at his father’s hand.”
“I guess.” I looked down the ground and sighed.
Bill
It hurts, all of this hurts. I just want to die so badly but I know that I am to chicken to go through with it. I resorted to just slice my wrists up and down and watching the blood spill from my arm. I hate pain yet I just have to cut myself. It takes away the all of my other pains and frustrations. Tears fell from my hazel eyes and I just leaned up against the wall in the bathroom. Why is it I can fake a smile but now I can’t even stop crying? I had to be quiet; I can’t let them hear me cry. I heard someone knocking and I stumbled to clean up my mess.
“Bill, are you okay?” Damn, the cuts won’t stop bleeding! Stop! Stop! Please just stop! I furiously wiped my eyes and tried to make it look like I was okay. The door opened and Andy peered up in the mirror.
“Bill…what are you?”
“Nothing! I am not doing anything…I’m fine.” I pulled a fake smile and continued to wipe the tears from my eyes.
“You’re lying. The razor is on the floor behind you.” My heart stopped and I slowly turned around to see the bloody razor was in fact behind me. I slipped to the floor and let the tears fall. I hated when people got into my business.
“Why are you even in here? I wanted to be alone, Andy!”
“I was coming to tell you that Ashley will be spending the night and he’ll be sleeping in my room on the extra bed. I was letting you know we’re sharing a bed.”
“I’ll sleep in the living room.”
“You don’t ha---.”
“I am not sharing a bed with you! I am never sharing a bed with anyone ever again because all you people do is try to take advantage. I am tired of people taking what they want from me. You think that a few smiles and a kiss change anything, because it fucking doesn’t. I hate everyone and that includes you. You people do nothing but smile like life is fair and okay. Life is bullshit, you’re bullshit. You tell me that I am safe here but you hide things from me. How the fuck is that safe? How can I be reassured of my safety when you people keep things from me? You’re cruel, heartless and evil. At least when I was with my father I knew where I stood. I knew how things would be and as sick as this may sound I was okay with that. I’d rather be abused and raped knowing full well it happened then live under lies. I don’t runaway from my problems I face them. All this secrecy does nothing for me and all you’ve done for me and make me feel uneasy. I don’t like it.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. If there’s anything I can do about that?”
“Tell me why you were in the hospital?”
“I…collapsed.”
“Why did you collapse?”
“I am not exactly the healthiest person on this planet.”
“What’s wrong with you, Andy? Tell me!”
“I can’t, I’m sorry.” I got up and looked at him.
“Yeah and so am I. Sorry I am so irrelevant to your life you can’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong with you. Sorry that I am intruding in on your life, once my dad’s case is finalized I’ll be gone. I’ll move in with my mom and brother and you’ll never have to worry about me ever again.” I pushed pass him and went up the stairs to the room I was being forced to share. Ashley laid on the bed in fetal position and I just took a corner of the room.
“Bill…what is it that makes people suffer?” He randomly asked.
“I don’t fucking know.”
“How do you handle pain and depression?” I glanced at my wrist.
“You don’t want to know. I’m sleepy so I’ll go to bed, goodnight.” I laid on the carpeted floor and closed my eyes. Eternal darkness, that’s where I belong.
@Purdy's_little_lady_outlaw there's a sequel called Fond Memories
5/6/14