I Am Here.
Chapter 5: "You're safe..."
'15.14.13......' 'Run. Run faster. Hurry. Hurry!!' BANG BANG BANG BANG.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"Emily!! It's ok. Shhh. Calm down. You're safe.... I'm here...You're safe..." Andy cooed as he held me as I sat crying into his KISS shirt.
I was sitting on Andy's bunk in the tour bus. CC, Jake, Ashley, Jinxx, Devyn and a woman who I didn't recognize came running in the room and I assumed they heard my screaming.
"SHE'S AWAKE!!!" CC yelled happily with tears still streaming down my eyes.
Devyn sat next to me and joined in the embrace leaving me sandwiched between her and Andy, still crying.
"Hey guys, can you give Andy, Emily, and I a moment please?" Devyn addressed to a room of now worried faces.
They all left and shut the door as I started to calm down a bit, still frightened by the reliving of that horrid night.
"You relived it again didn't you?" Devyn asked with understanding in her eyes.
I nodded my head slowly and she kissed the top of my head and muttered " Im so sorry... I wish I could say 'I understand' or ' it's ok' because is not and it never will be. I'm so, so sorry."
My crying subsided for the time being. I looked to Andy and he now looked very, very concerned with a look of questioning in his eyes.
"Dev, can you give Andy and I minute? I need to explain things." I asked, drying my tears.
"Okay." Devyn said as she got up and left the room, closing the door.
I turned to Andy, but he remained quiet.
"Before I start," I asked, "what happened after I blacked out?"
"Well when Saviour started, I all of a sudden saw the pain in your eyes. I started to sing and it increased as you joined in. I assumed that it was because of your ribs, but now Im thinking differently..." Andy waited for me to interject, but I kept my eyes on the floor. "...but then you started to look kinda sick and then you passed out at the very end of the song. I caught you and yelled your name, but you were out cold. I then picked you up and ran you to the bus with the tour's doctor and set you down on my bunk. The doctor checked your vitals really quick and assured me that you were fine and that I should return to the stage. As I left the bus, a girl with red hair was running around frantically looking for someone. I assumed she was your friend so I let her in as I ran back to the stage. ...I thought about you the whole time I was singing. When we were all done, the guys and I ran back to the bus and the doc informed me that you were dehydrated and he bandaged your ribs because they were broken. After he left, you started sweating in your sleep then you woke up screaming..." Andy trailed off now joining my gaze at the floor.
"Oh..." Was all I had to say. I felt the bandages around my side with my fingers and winced. I then realised that the doctor had taken my shirt off, currently leaving me with just my black bra as a top. I searched for my shirt on the floor and put it on before continuing my conversation with Andy.
"I bet you're wondering what I was screaming about huh?" I asked after a bit of silence.
Andy nodded his head and removed his gaze from the floor and looked straight at me when I started to talk.
I told him everything. I told him about what happened to my family and how I thought it was all my fault, how I tried to kill myself, and how he and Saviour saved my life. The only thing I didn't tell him was about hatred toward my looks and the cuts on my wrists because I know he hates it when he finds out when someone cut themself. No one else knows about my cuts except me. I then explained that I did become kinda sad on stage at the beginning of Saviour, but then changed into side pain. I said all of this with new tears streaming down my face. When I finished my story, Andy embraced me once again as I cried into him.
"I'm so sorry Emily." Andy shushed as he stroked my hair. "I'm so sorry..."
I looked up at him and he looked at me with his eyes slightly tearing up. He gently kissed me on the forehead as one would kiss a fragile infant. He kneeled in front of me and wiped away the stray tears on my cheeks. I probably looked like a mess, but the look Andy gave me was pure sympathy and love. Andy shifted his gaze toward my wrists. I had been scratching them this whole time without realizing it. A dead giveaway. He looked at me with a saddened look before he turned his attention back to my wrists which I had hid behind my back. He got up, sat next to me, and grabbed my wrists. He removed the wristbands and quickly inhaled in shock as he starred at the 12 lines joined with several fresher ones that covered my wrists taking in the damage. I just looked at him, searching for something and then he looked up.
"Was this because you think the murder was your fault? Or am I missing something?" Andy asked heartbroken.
"I... I'm not..." ,I stuttered, " I mean.. I don't think.. I'm not beautiful Andy. I have acne and I can't control it. I look like shit. Even when I put on makeup, I still look like shit. I'm very good at makeup, but not even a professional can cover up my ugly face... No one likes me because of that... No one has ever liked me, I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed, and I'm still a virgin. I'm awkwardly short and I am small everywhere. Small ass, small boobs,...everything about me is pathetic... Besides, no one would want and ugly, sad, wreck like me. I'm looked at like a parasite than a human being. The only friends I have are Devyn and my best friend Sydney, and even then we get into fights a lot... I used to be happy. People used to like me... Ever since the rumor started going around that I cut myself, no one wanted to be around me. They acted like it was contagious or something. No one wanted me around. No one cares..I'm... I'm Unwanted." I cried.
Andy lifted my chin and starred right into my eyes as he said, "Emily, believe me when I say this. You are so very beautiful inside and out. I don't care about any kind of scars you have on your body, acne or self inflicted. I don't care that you still get acne and you can never get rid of it. That doesn't matter. Looks don't matter. It's what's on the inside that counts." Andy said passionately . "Even Ashley thinks you're beautiful. I've never seen him hit on someone like that." Andy said jokingly trying to lighten the mood.
It worked because I laughed.
"You think so?" I said playfully with a wink and hands on my waist.
"Hahaha! I know so." Andy said tapping my nose.
God I hope that woman earlier wasn't the Juliet that I've heard so much about... because I think I'm falling for Andy...hard.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"Emily!! It's ok. Shhh. Calm down. You're safe.... I'm here...You're safe..." Andy cooed as he held me as I sat crying into his KISS shirt.
I was sitting on Andy's bunk in the tour bus. CC, Jake, Ashley, Jinxx, Devyn and a woman who I didn't recognize came running in the room and I assumed they heard my screaming.
"SHE'S AWAKE!!!" CC yelled happily with tears still streaming down my eyes.
Devyn sat next to me and joined in the embrace leaving me sandwiched between her and Andy, still crying.
"Hey guys, can you give Andy, Emily, and I a moment please?" Devyn addressed to a room of now worried faces.
They all left and shut the door as I started to calm down a bit, still frightened by the reliving of that horrid night.
"You relived it again didn't you?" Devyn asked with understanding in her eyes.
I nodded my head slowly and she kissed the top of my head and muttered " Im so sorry... I wish I could say 'I understand' or ' it's ok' because is not and it never will be. I'm so, so sorry."
My crying subsided for the time being. I looked to Andy and he now looked very, very concerned with a look of questioning in his eyes.
"Dev, can you give Andy and I minute? I need to explain things." I asked, drying my tears.
"Okay." Devyn said as she got up and left the room, closing the door.
I turned to Andy, but he remained quiet.
"Before I start," I asked, "what happened after I blacked out?"
"Well when Saviour started, I all of a sudden saw the pain in your eyes. I started to sing and it increased as you joined in. I assumed that it was because of your ribs, but now Im thinking differently..." Andy waited for me to interject, but I kept my eyes on the floor. "...but then you started to look kinda sick and then you passed out at the very end of the song. I caught you and yelled your name, but you were out cold. I then picked you up and ran you to the bus with the tour's doctor and set you down on my bunk. The doctor checked your vitals really quick and assured me that you were fine and that I should return to the stage. As I left the bus, a girl with red hair was running around frantically looking for someone. I assumed she was your friend so I let her in as I ran back to the stage. ...I thought about you the whole time I was singing. When we were all done, the guys and I ran back to the bus and the doc informed me that you were dehydrated and he bandaged your ribs because they were broken. After he left, you started sweating in your sleep then you woke up screaming..." Andy trailed off now joining my gaze at the floor.
"Oh..." Was all I had to say. I felt the bandages around my side with my fingers and winced. I then realised that the doctor had taken my shirt off, currently leaving me with just my black bra as a top. I searched for my shirt on the floor and put it on before continuing my conversation with Andy.
"I bet you're wondering what I was screaming about huh?" I asked after a bit of silence.
Andy nodded his head and removed his gaze from the floor and looked straight at me when I started to talk.
I told him everything. I told him about what happened to my family and how I thought it was all my fault, how I tried to kill myself, and how he and Saviour saved my life. The only thing I didn't tell him was about hatred toward my looks and the cuts on my wrists because I know he hates it when he finds out when someone cut themself. No one else knows about my cuts except me. I then explained that I did become kinda sad on stage at the beginning of Saviour, but then changed into side pain. I said all of this with new tears streaming down my face. When I finished my story, Andy embraced me once again as I cried into him.
"I'm so sorry Emily." Andy shushed as he stroked my hair. "I'm so sorry..."
I looked up at him and he looked at me with his eyes slightly tearing up. He gently kissed me on the forehead as one would kiss a fragile infant. He kneeled in front of me and wiped away the stray tears on my cheeks. I probably looked like a mess, but the look Andy gave me was pure sympathy and love. Andy shifted his gaze toward my wrists. I had been scratching them this whole time without realizing it. A dead giveaway. He looked at me with a saddened look before he turned his attention back to my wrists which I had hid behind my back. He got up, sat next to me, and grabbed my wrists. He removed the wristbands and quickly inhaled in shock as he starred at the 12 lines joined with several fresher ones that covered my wrists taking in the damage. I just looked at him, searching for something and then he looked up.
"Was this because you think the murder was your fault? Or am I missing something?" Andy asked heartbroken.
"I... I'm not..." ,I stuttered, " I mean.. I don't think.. I'm not beautiful Andy. I have acne and I can't control it. I look like shit. Even when I put on makeup, I still look like shit. I'm very good at makeup, but not even a professional can cover up my ugly face... No one likes me because of that... No one has ever liked me, I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed, and I'm still a virgin. I'm awkwardly short and I am small everywhere. Small ass, small boobs,...everything about me is pathetic... Besides, no one would want and ugly, sad, wreck like me. I'm looked at like a parasite than a human being. The only friends I have are Devyn and my best friend Sydney, and even then we get into fights a lot... I used to be happy. People used to like me... Ever since the rumor started going around that I cut myself, no one wanted to be around me. They acted like it was contagious or something. No one wanted me around. No one cares..I'm... I'm Unwanted." I cried.
Andy lifted my chin and starred right into my eyes as he said, "Emily, believe me when I say this. You are so very beautiful inside and out. I don't care about any kind of scars you have on your body, acne or self inflicted. I don't care that you still get acne and you can never get rid of it. That doesn't matter. Looks don't matter. It's what's on the inside that counts." Andy said passionately . "Even Ashley thinks you're beautiful. I've never seen him hit on someone like that." Andy said jokingly trying to lighten the mood.
It worked because I laughed.
"You think so?" I said playfully with a wink and hands on my waist.
"Hahaha! I know so." Andy said tapping my nose.
God I hope that woman earlier wasn't the Juliet that I've heard so much about... because I think I'm falling for Andy...hard.
So, I just read that smut paragraph in class.... I got so many weird looks, because of the sounds and faces I was making. Just like trying not to die.
1/21/15