Resurrect The Sun
Chapter 2 - Am I losing It?
I stood on my balcony, taking a deep inhale on the cigarette in my hand. They didn't satisfy as much as they had 10 years ago. Nothing did. I sighed and exhaled the smoke slowly as I looked at the morning light. My view was beautiful, I could see the sea expanding along the horizon for miles and miles, and last night I had watched the sunset. The colours the sun turned the sky reminded me of her though and the night before she passed. I closed my eyes and winced at the thought. I knew Scarlette had left happy and in a way she set me free from my own burdens, but I would carry the burdens of every soul that walked the planet, happily, without complaints just to see her smile at me once more. I looked up to the sky and took another drag on my cigarette. Sometimes I wondered if she could see me here... if she was proud of what I'd done... and if somewhere out there she was aching for me in the same way that I ached for her. Just to hear her voice one more time, feel her skin under my lips, and look in her eyes and tell her anything that I had left unsaid.
I was brought out of my thoughts by someone knocking on my room door. I sighed, put the cigarette out in the ashtray after taking one more quick drag then went back inside the hotel room to open the door. I opened the door to my tour manager, Kyle, and stepped aside to let him in to get my bags to take down to the bus.
"Andy, rehearsal at 12, one more night then we're home, baby!" I rolled my eyes behind his head, but smiled at him with mock excitement when he turned towards me. He patted me on the shoulder sympathetically, this tour had hit me hard, although no one knew it was because I was still mourning her passing. I shut the door after Kyle and lay on the bed. I looked to my side imagining what my life would be like if she were still with me. My alternative life, with no gaping holes of emptiness. How beautiful she would be with her hair a mess in the morning, standing in the doorway wearing my dressing gown, smiling at me as I walked over and kissed her and danced her round the kitchen. She'd laugh and say she couldn't dance, I wouldn't care though, I'd dance with her every morning to make sure she started every day with a smile on her face. Would we have kids by now? Maybe... a girl, as beautiful as her mom. My princesses. A tear rolled down my cheek as the aching in my chest increased. "I miss you, princess..." I whispered into the empty room for only myself to hear before curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep.
I was woken up by a banging on the door. I rolled over and wiped the sleep from my eyes to look at the clock. 12:15PM.
Shit, I was late for rehearsal, I jumped up and ran to the door to open it. Kyle stood there and pointed down the hallway towards the elevator, he didn't look too happy though. I smiled in apology before running down the hallway and calling the elevator. I got on the bus with my bandmates who were all laughing and joking with one another and sat down at the table. I couldn't shake the thoughts and feelings I'd been having all morning. I could see her now sitting at the back of the bus smiling at me, I choked on the air I was inhaling and felt sick, she looked so real. I closed my eyes tightly and counted to 3, hoping that when I opened them she would be gone, because I felt like I was going crazy. My eyes sprung open and she was gone. I sighed and put my head in my hands. Today was going to be a long day.
That wasn't the only time I saw her either. She seemed to be appearing everywhere, torturing my broken soul, looking just as she had 10 years ago on the night I had kissed every bruise on her body and called her beautiful. After the show, I decided to go and get drunk to make myself sleep easy for one night. One night when I wouldn't lie awake thinking of her face. I got into a taxi and told him to take me to the emptiest bar he knew of. I watched as the lights passed by in the dark until we pulled up to an old rundown building with a flashing 'open' sign in the window. I paid the driver and walked up to the bar, hesitating outside before pushing the heavy metal door open. Inside was a dimly lit room with a barmaid serving drinks to a few men sitting at the bar. I looked around and in the corner of the room sat Scarlette at a booth, looking at me. Although this time it was different... she looked different... older and more worn, like she hadn't smiled in a long time. She got up out of the booth and walked towards the door hurriedly leaving her drink on the table. I blinked and expected her to be gone when I opened my eyes, but she was still there, escaping through the door. I shouted for her to wait as the door closed and I jumped off of my stool to go after her. I pulled the door open and followed her into the street, looking left and right, seeing no one or nothing. I guess it was just another trick of my mind... although there was a small part of me saying it wasn't.
I was brought out of my thoughts by someone knocking on my room door. I sighed, put the cigarette out in the ashtray after taking one more quick drag then went back inside the hotel room to open the door. I opened the door to my tour manager, Kyle, and stepped aside to let him in to get my bags to take down to the bus.
"Andy, rehearsal at 12, one more night then we're home, baby!" I rolled my eyes behind his head, but smiled at him with mock excitement when he turned towards me. He patted me on the shoulder sympathetically, this tour had hit me hard, although no one knew it was because I was still mourning her passing. I shut the door after Kyle and lay on the bed. I looked to my side imagining what my life would be like if she were still with me. My alternative life, with no gaping holes of emptiness. How beautiful she would be with her hair a mess in the morning, standing in the doorway wearing my dressing gown, smiling at me as I walked over and kissed her and danced her round the kitchen. She'd laugh and say she couldn't dance, I wouldn't care though, I'd dance with her every morning to make sure she started every day with a smile on her face. Would we have kids by now? Maybe... a girl, as beautiful as her mom. My princesses. A tear rolled down my cheek as the aching in my chest increased. "I miss you, princess..." I whispered into the empty room for only myself to hear before curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep.
I was woken up by a banging on the door. I rolled over and wiped the sleep from my eyes to look at the clock. 12:15PM.
Shit, I was late for rehearsal, I jumped up and ran to the door to open it. Kyle stood there and pointed down the hallway towards the elevator, he didn't look too happy though. I smiled in apology before running down the hallway and calling the elevator. I got on the bus with my bandmates who were all laughing and joking with one another and sat down at the table. I couldn't shake the thoughts and feelings I'd been having all morning. I could see her now sitting at the back of the bus smiling at me, I choked on the air I was inhaling and felt sick, she looked so real. I closed my eyes tightly and counted to 3, hoping that when I opened them she would be gone, because I felt like I was going crazy. My eyes sprung open and she was gone. I sighed and put my head in my hands. Today was going to be a long day.
That wasn't the only time I saw her either. She seemed to be appearing everywhere, torturing my broken soul, looking just as she had 10 years ago on the night I had kissed every bruise on her body and called her beautiful. After the show, I decided to go and get drunk to make myself sleep easy for one night. One night when I wouldn't lie awake thinking of her face. I got into a taxi and told him to take me to the emptiest bar he knew of. I watched as the lights passed by in the dark until we pulled up to an old rundown building with a flashing 'open' sign in the window. I paid the driver and walked up to the bar, hesitating outside before pushing the heavy metal door open. Inside was a dimly lit room with a barmaid serving drinks to a few men sitting at the bar. I looked around and in the corner of the room sat Scarlette at a booth, looking at me. Although this time it was different... she looked different... older and more worn, like she hadn't smiled in a long time. She got up out of the booth and walked towards the door hurriedly leaving her drink on the table. I blinked and expected her to be gone when I opened my eyes, but she was still there, escaping through the door. I shouted for her to wait as the door closed and I jumped off of my stool to go after her. I pulled the door open and followed her into the street, looking left and right, seeing no one or nothing. I guess it was just another trick of my mind... although there was a small part of me saying it wasn't.
@sweetpeabvb
Awww I'd love to, I lost it a bit with this one though :/
1/12/14