Warning!! This chapter contains self-harm.

It's been a whole week since I found out that Andy liked me. Andy has been avoiding me like the plague ever since I got wasted out of my mind. I could only imagine that I had said something, conscious or in my sleep, that caused Andy to distance himself. The only time that Andy was near me was when we were backstage at his concerts, or when all the guys were with us. I think the guys noticed it too, and I felt like they had something planned.

I was texting Annabelle on the bus. We had been talking a lot since Annie had left. We would talk to each other about random stuff and there would be occasional flirting.

My phone buzzed, and I grinned seeing that it was from Annie.

Mel, I think I should tell you that since you left, I got a girlfriend. I like you and I think you are beautiful, but I think it would be best for both of us if we just were friends.

I re-read this text five times. Annie just wanted to be friends. Well that came right out of left field. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by this. I thought Annie and I were actually going to have a real relationship with dates, cuddles, the whole nine yards. Annie was my chance to get over Andy, but now I would have no distraction from him.

I took a deep breath and texted back.

I think it would best if we were just friends too. I hope you and your girl are happy.

Right when I sent the text, I heard people talking outside. It sounded like Andy and Juliet. Juliet came to visit Andy on tour today so they could hang out for a little while. I didn't want to be rude and listen in on their conversation, but I was curious.

I slowly opened a window a bit in order to hear them better.

"Andy, me and you need to have a talk," Juliet said.

"What about?"

"Andy, I feel like we've been drifting apart. I remember how you looked at me when we first started dating. You looked at me with so much love in your eyes. I felt so amazing when you looked at me like that. Now that look is fading. I don't feel like you love me like you used to."

"Juliet, of course I love you. You are my world . I don't ever want to lose you. I love you. I'll do whatever it takes to make you stay, to prove to you that we can be happy again," Andy said, sounding desperate.

"You say that, but I don't believe it. Maybe it's just me, but when you say I love you, it feels like you want to say those words to someone else, but not to me."

"I-I-I, you're right Juliet. I do love someone else, but I still love you," Andy admitted.

"I still love you too, but I'm not the one for you Andy, and you're not the one for me. I think we should break up."

"I think that would probably be the best."

I could practically hear his heart break into tiny shards.

"Goodbye Andy," Juliet said. I heard her walking away.

I quickly ran to the couch and flopped down on it. I picked up my phone and pretended to be texting someone when Andy made his way onto the bus.

"Oh hey Mel, I didn't know you were here," Andy said.

"Obviously, because if you did know, you wouldn't have come back to the bus," I snapped at him.

I instantly felt awful for what I said when I saw the look on Andy's face. He looked so pained, like I had just stabbed him in the gut. Juliet just dumped him and now I'm acting like an asshole, Jesus, I shouldn't have said that.

"I-I'm sorry. Forget I said anything," I apologized.

"Don't be sorry. I have been avoiding you," Andy said, giving me a sad smile.

"Andy, are you okay? Where's Juliet?" I asked, acting like I didn't know.

"Me and Juliet broke up," Andy mumbled.

Andy swiftly made his way to his bunk and closed the curtains. I heard his light sobbing and it killed me. I had never heard Andy cry before. If I didn't show up and fuck everything up, Andy wouldn't be crying and Juliet would still be with him. I just couldn't take this. I took out my razor and went into the bathroom.

I shut the door and leaned over the sink. I looked at myself in the mirror and was absolutely disgusted.

"You're fat, disgusting, trashy and stupid," I told myself.

I bent down in front of the toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat. I immediately threw up, not much of course, because I only had an apple today, but at least I threw something up.

I thought about what I did to Andy and it made me sick. I destroyed his relationship and now he was crying. I did this. I was the cause of his pain.

I took my razor and began making cuts in my arms. I just needed to feel a fraction of the pain I was causing Andy, maybe then I could escape the guilt. They were deep, but not deep enough to hit a vein. I let the blood roll down her arms. I started crying. I wished this would end.

"Mel! Are you okay?" Andy asked from the other side of the bathroom door.

"I'm f-fine," I choked out.

I started to wet rags to clean myself up. I didn't want Andy to see the cuts. I was too busy thinking, I didn't hear the door open.

"Mel...," Andy breathed.

"Andy, I-"

"I thought you stopped," Andy croaked.

Tears started rolling down his cheeks. I was making him cry again. Fuck!

"I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"Why not?"

I didn't want to tell the truth, because if I told him, he would be even more hurt. But I couldn't lie, not to him.

"Because of you," I whispered, looking into his eyes.

"Mel, I'm so so-"

"Andy, it's time for sound check!" Jake called from outside the bus.

"Put on a great performance tonight for me, okay?" I said.

Andy just nodded and shuffled off of the bus, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Notes