We Stitch These Wounds
Chapter 12 - Nightmares of Cigarettes and Whiskey
I think it was the smell of the whiskey and smoke combined that caused the nightmares. It started off okay, I was in my room with Andy kissing him, and I heard a door slam, suddenly Andy was gone and I was sitting in the corner of the room curled up in a ball as my mom burst through my door holding her half empty bottle of Jack Daniels with an evil grin spread across her face. She slowly started stepping towards me. Austin came into the room after her, followed by everyone in my life who had ever put me down or bullied me. Everyone of them stepping closer, crowding around me. Fear coursed through my body. My mum raised her bottle and brought it down on top of me, I screamed. Before it hit me though Austin had dived infront of her and was gripping my arms and shaking me gently.
"Scar!" He spoke but it didn't sound like his voice but I couldn't place whose voice it was.
"Scar, Wake up!" Wake up? How could I wake up? Austin was confusing me.
"Princess, listen to me, you are dreaming, now wake up!" I woke up to see the moonlight coming through Andy's window bouncing off his face as he sat above me. He looked worried. I didn't know why though, until I realised there was a wet salty liquid coming from my eyes and dripping down my face. He cupped my face and gently used his thumbs to wipe away the tears and then kissed my forehead, the smell of whiskey and smoke hit me again and fear ran through me even though there was nothing to be scared of.
"Scar, you screamed?" The memories I associated with the smell that was lingering around Andy, were overpowering and I began crying again and pulled away from him slightly, as much as I wanted to be near him, I just couldn't take it. He looked confused, "If I did something in your nightmare, I promise Scar, it was a dream, I'm always going to irritate you, but I'll never hurt you, I promise..." He put his hand towards me, I could tell from his eyes that seeing me in this state was hurting him.
"I can smell smoke and whiskey..." I stopped crying long enough to choke out. He took his hand back and looked confused until realisation crossed his face. He immediately jumped up and ran out of the room. I heard a shower running for about ten minutes, and he came back with a towel wrapped around his waist and his clothes in his hand, he put them on the bed and pulled on a pair or batman boxers and a shirt and sweatpants, he went over to a cupboard in his room and pulled out 8 mini bottles and 2 big bottles of Jack Daniels and put them on the bed with the clothes.
"Get off the bed, and put your shirt and your jacket on." I hesitated then did as I was told as he started stripping the bed. He disappeared down the stairs with the pile of the stuff and I heard him go outside as I slipped my jacket on. He appeared at the door two seconds later and came over to me. He pulled me closer by my waist and smiled at me, "I don't do a lot for other people, ever, I don't care about other people, it's just not me, if any other girl had woken me up screaming she would have been walking home, and I would have been asleep again, but I'm going to be honest, and you're going to think I'm crazy, but there is something about you that has drawn me to you since the minute I saw you. And I've never told anyone this before but when my mom was younger, she was just like you, her mom treated her the same way. And I saw how that affected her up until the day she died," he grew silent for a minute, then laced his fingers through mine and continued, "So, from now on, I will not let anything or anyone hurt you or make you unhappy, because like I said the first time I spoke to you properly, it doesn't look like a lot of people are nice to you around here..." My eyes began to fill up as he pulled me down stairs and into the garden where a trash can was sitting in the middle with the sheets and clothes in, and the whiskey was sat just next to it. Andy held a lighter infront of me.
"Won't your dad mind?" I looked between the lighter and Andy. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.
"My dad won't notice, princess." I hesitated then something came over me. I grabbed the lighter and put it in my pocket and ran over to the whiskey, chucked the smaller bottles in and grabbed the first big bottle and turned to Andy as I started to pour it ontop of the sheets.
"You know what I happened the first time she hit me? My dad left us. My dad left us so she got drunk on whiskey and I could smell it radiating off her skin and her breath. And then she hit me. The next morning, she was sorry. She said she loved me." I shouted, "Liar! When you love someone you don't take away everything they have left in life and drive it into the ground, you don't make them feel like a worthless piece of shit!" I moved onto the next bottle, I didn't even care that Andy could see me right now, everything I'd ever wanted to say to her was coming out in one go and I now that I'd started I couldn't stop until I'd finished. "But even when you beat me. Even when you look at me with nothing more than hatred in your eyes. When you call me a screw up. I still loved you, so I never fought back and I never left you." Tears were rolling down my cheeks, "A part of me still hoped that one day you'd love me again, but I was wrong and tonight it's over. So you can take your whiskey and your cigarettes and drown yourself in sorrow for all I care." I threw the empty bottle ontop of the sheets and pulled the lighter out of my pocket, "Tonight, you are the one who is weak and helpless." I kissed the lighter and lit it up and threw it into the trash can. The flames licked up high into the air, burning away the memories and all the feelings I'd held onto for years. I felt Andy's arms snake around my waist as we watched our bonfire until the morning light came.
"Scar!" He spoke but it didn't sound like his voice but I couldn't place whose voice it was.
"Scar, Wake up!" Wake up? How could I wake up? Austin was confusing me.
"Princess, listen to me, you are dreaming, now wake up!" I woke up to see the moonlight coming through Andy's window bouncing off his face as he sat above me. He looked worried. I didn't know why though, until I realised there was a wet salty liquid coming from my eyes and dripping down my face. He cupped my face and gently used his thumbs to wipe away the tears and then kissed my forehead, the smell of whiskey and smoke hit me again and fear ran through me even though there was nothing to be scared of.
"Scar, you screamed?" The memories I associated with the smell that was lingering around Andy, were overpowering and I began crying again and pulled away from him slightly, as much as I wanted to be near him, I just couldn't take it. He looked confused, "If I did something in your nightmare, I promise Scar, it was a dream, I'm always going to irritate you, but I'll never hurt you, I promise..." He put his hand towards me, I could tell from his eyes that seeing me in this state was hurting him.
"I can smell smoke and whiskey..." I stopped crying long enough to choke out. He took his hand back and looked confused until realisation crossed his face. He immediately jumped up and ran out of the room. I heard a shower running for about ten minutes, and he came back with a towel wrapped around his waist and his clothes in his hand, he put them on the bed and pulled on a pair or batman boxers and a shirt and sweatpants, he went over to a cupboard in his room and pulled out 8 mini bottles and 2 big bottles of Jack Daniels and put them on the bed with the clothes.
"Get off the bed, and put your shirt and your jacket on." I hesitated then did as I was told as he started stripping the bed. He disappeared down the stairs with the pile of the stuff and I heard him go outside as I slipped my jacket on. He appeared at the door two seconds later and came over to me. He pulled me closer by my waist and smiled at me, "I don't do a lot for other people, ever, I don't care about other people, it's just not me, if any other girl had woken me up screaming she would have been walking home, and I would have been asleep again, but I'm going to be honest, and you're going to think I'm crazy, but there is something about you that has drawn me to you since the minute I saw you. And I've never told anyone this before but when my mom was younger, she was just like you, her mom treated her the same way. And I saw how that affected her up until the day she died," he grew silent for a minute, then laced his fingers through mine and continued, "So, from now on, I will not let anything or anyone hurt you or make you unhappy, because like I said the first time I spoke to you properly, it doesn't look like a lot of people are nice to you around here..." My eyes began to fill up as he pulled me down stairs and into the garden where a trash can was sitting in the middle with the sheets and clothes in, and the whiskey was sat just next to it. Andy held a lighter infront of me.
"Won't your dad mind?" I looked between the lighter and Andy. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.
"My dad won't notice, princess." I hesitated then something came over me. I grabbed the lighter and put it in my pocket and ran over to the whiskey, chucked the smaller bottles in and grabbed the first big bottle and turned to Andy as I started to pour it ontop of the sheets.
"You know what I happened the first time she hit me? My dad left us. My dad left us so she got drunk on whiskey and I could smell it radiating off her skin and her breath. And then she hit me. The next morning, she was sorry. She said she loved me." I shouted, "Liar! When you love someone you don't take away everything they have left in life and drive it into the ground, you don't make them feel like a worthless piece of shit!" I moved onto the next bottle, I didn't even care that Andy could see me right now, everything I'd ever wanted to say to her was coming out in one go and I now that I'd started I couldn't stop until I'd finished. "But even when you beat me. Even when you look at me with nothing more than hatred in your eyes. When you call me a screw up. I still loved you, so I never fought back and I never left you." Tears were rolling down my cheeks, "A part of me still hoped that one day you'd love me again, but I was wrong and tonight it's over. So you can take your whiskey and your cigarettes and drown yourself in sorrow for all I care." I threw the empty bottle ontop of the sheets and pulled the lighter out of my pocket, "Tonight, you are the one who is weak and helpless." I kissed the lighter and lit it up and threw it into the trash can. The flames licked up high into the air, burning away the memories and all the feelings I'd held onto for years. I felt Andy's arms snake around my waist as we watched our bonfire until the morning light came.
@ReadingandWeeping
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11/29/15