These White Walls
Fragile, Fake Smiles
~Alice’s Pov!~
“Alice?” I heard a soft voice from beside my bed... oh crap I thought.
I bit my lip turning to see Jinxx standing at my bed a concerned look plastered on his face that was only just gently highlighted by the soft steaks of moonlight that had fluttered in through the breaks in the curtains. “Yeah?” I said forcing a smile on my face hoping that he didn't see the last of the tears falling off my cheeks. He sat down on the edge of my bed grabbing my hand slowly unfolding it I held my breath nervously, my heart beating so hard with nerves I thought I was going to pass out. He looked down at the blade in my hand that I had clutched so hard that it had left small cuts across my hand, he looked sad and sighing he took it out of my hand with the soft tender moonlight still caressing his face he looked at me with sad, sad eyes. “Please don’t” he said in a soft sweet voice full of concern, I took a breath in closing my eyes trying to suppress the growing sorrow in my heart that was threatening to spill and take over my body, not now please heart just wait a little longer I thought to myself as pain stabbed at my heart with sharp daggers. “Why do you even care I’ve known you, what a day and suddenly you're my savior?” I hiss probably a little too harshly at him he looked like a puppy who had just been scolded for the first time and it instantly made me regret my harsh words “I..I’m sorry I didn’t.. I.. I'm just not use to people caring” I said with a whisper. He nodded a small nod “I’m sorry” he said “I just.. I don’t want to see you get hurt, I’ve seen it enough” he said in a tiny voice that was full of pain. I frowned looking down at my hands playing with them awkwardly “so why do you do it?” those were the words I was pleading not to hear I bit my lip and shrugged “so someone would care” was all I managed to say with a slight wobble in my voice he blinked “what do you mean?” I closed my eyes in attempt to trap the tears that were threatening to escape. Memories came flooding back to me, like the ocean swallowing the rocks at high tide “My mum and dad died when I was really little...” I started slipping between reality and the memories of their smiles, their hugs, their smell I smiled weakly at the thought of my mum’s freshly baked cookies that she always had made for me when I came home from school. I bit my lip snapping back into reality my eyes blinking open and I realized that the tears had already started to fall I took a deep breath in “ I was 9 when I was orphaned, my mum and dad were on the way to get me a birthday present.. it was my 9th birthday and they said they had to go pick it up for me because it was too big to hide in the house” I recalled every trace of my smile had been removed now, “but..” I paused trying to swallow the pain back down “but they never came back home” I felt my voice crack with the pain. “It was all over the news, a drunk driver had been coming around the corner at the same time as them, he lost control of the car and slammed into my parents sending them rolling down a cliff and into the river below...” The daggers of pain and sorrow had returned to my body, stabbing them the more I remembered I felt Jinxx’s hand on mine carefully caressing it “it’s okay.. you can keep going” he said quietly as he gave me a quick hug, concern had filled his eyes I must have looked like a mess but I nodded and continued. “N-not long after that I was sent to live with my Aunt and Uncle, they lived 2 hours away from us and I never really had anything to do with them...it was horrible.” Biting my lip I looked at him as fresh tears started to fall “they treated me like I was a slave, a housemaid” I shivered “from the age of 9 I was never loved, never cared about by the age of 12 I started to cut, when my cousins found out they laughed at me and told the whole school... I was out casted everywhere I went, at ‘home’ at school I had no one, no friends, nothing.” I paused laughing to myself “who am I kidding, I still don’t” I said my voice cracking once again as I started to shake “On my 14th birthday I tried to hang myself, on my 15th I cut my wrist so much hoping to bleed out, my 16th I jumped off the roof of my uncles work, 17th I tried to drowned myself in the bath and yesterday on my 18th I overdosed... I really thought it would have worked” I whispered looking down in shame there was a short silence as if Jinxx was collecting his thoughts trying to process everything I had just said but without a single word he leaned forward and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’ll be your friend” he whispered and with those for words I broke down to a blubbering mess in his arms “thank-you” I said over and over again as if I was a broken toy caught on a constant loop.
I buried my head into his chest and for the first time in a long time, I felt at home, safe, loved and before I knew it my tears had been replaced with the heavy peaceful world of sleep.
~Jinxx’s Pov~
I just let her sob in my arms until she finally slept, I don’t really understand what it is about her but for some reason since the moment I saw her she made my heart jump out of my chest. I felt a desperate need to protect her, to shelter her from the demons of the world, though she had already been through so much. Was it wrong to feel this way about a person only a day after I’d met them? I don’t know but what I do know is I would help her anyway I could from now on. I pulled her closer into my arms as I gently slid beside her holding her tightly I rested my lips gently against her forehead breathing in her sweet smell and smiled slightly it reminded me of a happier time in my life, when things were actually okay. I shut my eyes and gently let the sleep take over my body.
~Andy’s pov~
Finally the 2 cry babies had fallen asleep, looks like Jinxx has fallen for her and hard. Honestly I didn’t see the attraction I shrugged to myself pulling myself up and off the bunk time to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack I smirked to myself. I carefully snuck through the halls and made my way to the kitchen for a midnight snack I’d just started to eat when I heard that fucking assholes voice.. James ugh. “ANDREW DENNIS BIERSACK What do you think you are doing!?” he screamed at me as I groaned “eating?” I said my mouth shoved half full with food. He shook his head fuming with anger as he grabbed onto my wrists since you're awake at this time young man as your punishment you get to do ALL of the filing tonight he said pushing me into one of the offices that was filled to the brim with file after file. I looked at him and screwed up my face, “what exactly am I meant to be doing with all these?” I scoffed. “Arrange them in alphabetical order” he snapped at me walking out and slamming the door I rolled my eyes god I hated that jerk at least Izzy was nice to us I mean this is a mental facility doesn’t he know yelling at us just makes us worse? Whatever, not like I cared. I glanced down at the files and to be honest I was kind of shocked, I was holding the files of all of the previous students here who had passed away in the facility. Each one had been deemed ‘unfixable’ on their file I took in a short sharp breath as I flicked through file after file, each one of these kids we had been told that they had committed suicide in one way or another, but according to these records each person had been I twitched “put down”. Fear started filling my body welling up in my throat and nearly choking me, the more people I flicked through the more of a sinking feeling I started to get in the pit of my stomach. I froze when I came across a picture and a name that was all too familiar to me, my fear was replaced with a repulsive mixture of sorrow and anger my hands shaking I tried to hold back tears... my sister.. Amelia.. had they really killed her to! I felt the warm tears spill over the edge, this wasn’t a safe place to find help, this was a place that kids get sent to when they need to be killed. I shivered I angrily threw the files on the ground storming out of the room as I did, I had to tell Jinxx and Alice, even though I didn't particularly like her, they both needed to know, and we needed to get out of here! Immediately.
~Alice’s Pov~
I ran down the dark halls stumbling over my own feet, I couldn’t believe what Andy had just told us, about the files about the caretakers killing off the students no way that just couldn’t be true! I squinted trying to find the right door I needed to see the files to believe it, I just had to see them for myself room 201 I muttered to myself as I slowly pushed the door open. There were files flung everywhere - obviously from where Andy had gotten angry I bit my lip and nervously walked in I wasn’t even 3 steps in when I saw something that made me sick to my stomach... 3 name all with the same word on it Alice Williams, Jeremy Ferguson, Andrew Biersack... Unfixable... I swallowed carefully leaning down to see how many days left to live we had when a very scary, very angry voice broke my train of thoughts. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE YOUNG LADY!? Do you think it’s wise to be sneaking around here at night!?’ I turned around shaking. “I I I’m I’m sorry I was looking for the bathroom! I’m new and I I don’t know where I I I’m going” I murmured trying not to look the man, who I’d assume was James in the eyes. With a short grumble that was something along the lines of the bathrooms are over here, James grabbed my wrist making me wince as my cuts hadn’t fully healed he dragged me across the hall into another room which I assumed were the bathrooms. Looking around as we entered I immediately knew I was wrong, and with one strong push I went tumbling down the stairs, the last sound I heard was the slow dreadful squeak of the door slowly shutting and being locked before darkness overcame my body.
“Alice?” I heard a soft voice from beside my bed... oh crap I thought.
I bit my lip turning to see Jinxx standing at my bed a concerned look plastered on his face that was only just gently highlighted by the soft steaks of moonlight that had fluttered in through the breaks in the curtains. “Yeah?” I said forcing a smile on my face hoping that he didn't see the last of the tears falling off my cheeks. He sat down on the edge of my bed grabbing my hand slowly unfolding it I held my breath nervously, my heart beating so hard with nerves I thought I was going to pass out. He looked down at the blade in my hand that I had clutched so hard that it had left small cuts across my hand, he looked sad and sighing he took it out of my hand with the soft tender moonlight still caressing his face he looked at me with sad, sad eyes. “Please don’t” he said in a soft sweet voice full of concern, I took a breath in closing my eyes trying to suppress the growing sorrow in my heart that was threatening to spill and take over my body, not now please heart just wait a little longer I thought to myself as pain stabbed at my heart with sharp daggers. “Why do you even care I’ve known you, what a day and suddenly you're my savior?” I hiss probably a little too harshly at him he looked like a puppy who had just been scolded for the first time and it instantly made me regret my harsh words “I..I’m sorry I didn’t.. I.. I'm just not use to people caring” I said with a whisper. He nodded a small nod “I’m sorry” he said “I just.. I don’t want to see you get hurt, I’ve seen it enough” he said in a tiny voice that was full of pain. I frowned looking down at my hands playing with them awkwardly “so why do you do it?” those were the words I was pleading not to hear I bit my lip and shrugged “so someone would care” was all I managed to say with a slight wobble in my voice he blinked “what do you mean?” I closed my eyes in attempt to trap the tears that were threatening to escape. Memories came flooding back to me, like the ocean swallowing the rocks at high tide “My mum and dad died when I was really little...” I started slipping between reality and the memories of their smiles, their hugs, their smell I smiled weakly at the thought of my mum’s freshly baked cookies that she always had made for me when I came home from school. I bit my lip snapping back into reality my eyes blinking open and I realized that the tears had already started to fall I took a deep breath in “ I was 9 when I was orphaned, my mum and dad were on the way to get me a birthday present.. it was my 9th birthday and they said they had to go pick it up for me because it was too big to hide in the house” I recalled every trace of my smile had been removed now, “but..” I paused trying to swallow the pain back down “but they never came back home” I felt my voice crack with the pain. “It was all over the news, a drunk driver had been coming around the corner at the same time as them, he lost control of the car and slammed into my parents sending them rolling down a cliff and into the river below...” The daggers of pain and sorrow had returned to my body, stabbing them the more I remembered I felt Jinxx’s hand on mine carefully caressing it “it’s okay.. you can keep going” he said quietly as he gave me a quick hug, concern had filled his eyes I must have looked like a mess but I nodded and continued. “N-not long after that I was sent to live with my Aunt and Uncle, they lived 2 hours away from us and I never really had anything to do with them...it was horrible.” Biting my lip I looked at him as fresh tears started to fall “they treated me like I was a slave, a housemaid” I shivered “from the age of 9 I was never loved, never cared about by the age of 12 I started to cut, when my cousins found out they laughed at me and told the whole school... I was out casted everywhere I went, at ‘home’ at school I had no one, no friends, nothing.” I paused laughing to myself “who am I kidding, I still don’t” I said my voice cracking once again as I started to shake “On my 14th birthday I tried to hang myself, on my 15th I cut my wrist so much hoping to bleed out, my 16th I jumped off the roof of my uncles work, 17th I tried to drowned myself in the bath and yesterday on my 18th I overdosed... I really thought it would have worked” I whispered looking down in shame there was a short silence as if Jinxx was collecting his thoughts trying to process everything I had just said but without a single word he leaned forward and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’ll be your friend” he whispered and with those for words I broke down to a blubbering mess in his arms “thank-you” I said over and over again as if I was a broken toy caught on a constant loop.
I buried my head into his chest and for the first time in a long time, I felt at home, safe, loved and before I knew it my tears had been replaced with the heavy peaceful world of sleep.
~Jinxx’s Pov~
I just let her sob in my arms until she finally slept, I don’t really understand what it is about her but for some reason since the moment I saw her she made my heart jump out of my chest. I felt a desperate need to protect her, to shelter her from the demons of the world, though she had already been through so much. Was it wrong to feel this way about a person only a day after I’d met them? I don’t know but what I do know is I would help her anyway I could from now on. I pulled her closer into my arms as I gently slid beside her holding her tightly I rested my lips gently against her forehead breathing in her sweet smell and smiled slightly it reminded me of a happier time in my life, when things were actually okay. I shut my eyes and gently let the sleep take over my body.
~Andy’s pov~
Finally the 2 cry babies had fallen asleep, looks like Jinxx has fallen for her and hard. Honestly I didn’t see the attraction I shrugged to myself pulling myself up and off the bunk time to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack I smirked to myself. I carefully snuck through the halls and made my way to the kitchen for a midnight snack I’d just started to eat when I heard that fucking assholes voice.. James ugh. “ANDREW DENNIS BIERSACK What do you think you are doing!?” he screamed at me as I groaned “eating?” I said my mouth shoved half full with food. He shook his head fuming with anger as he grabbed onto my wrists since you're awake at this time young man as your punishment you get to do ALL of the filing tonight he said pushing me into one of the offices that was filled to the brim with file after file. I looked at him and screwed up my face, “what exactly am I meant to be doing with all these?” I scoffed. “Arrange them in alphabetical order” he snapped at me walking out and slamming the door I rolled my eyes god I hated that jerk at least Izzy was nice to us I mean this is a mental facility doesn’t he know yelling at us just makes us worse? Whatever, not like I cared. I glanced down at the files and to be honest I was kind of shocked, I was holding the files of all of the previous students here who had passed away in the facility. Each one had been deemed ‘unfixable’ on their file I took in a short sharp breath as I flicked through file after file, each one of these kids we had been told that they had committed suicide in one way or another, but according to these records each person had been I twitched “put down”. Fear started filling my body welling up in my throat and nearly choking me, the more people I flicked through the more of a sinking feeling I started to get in the pit of my stomach. I froze when I came across a picture and a name that was all too familiar to me, my fear was replaced with a repulsive mixture of sorrow and anger my hands shaking I tried to hold back tears... my sister.. Amelia.. had they really killed her to! I felt the warm tears spill over the edge, this wasn’t a safe place to find help, this was a place that kids get sent to when they need to be killed. I shivered I angrily threw the files on the ground storming out of the room as I did, I had to tell Jinxx and Alice, even though I didn't particularly like her, they both needed to know, and we needed to get out of here! Immediately.
~Alice’s Pov~
I ran down the dark halls stumbling over my own feet, I couldn’t believe what Andy had just told us, about the files about the caretakers killing off the students no way that just couldn’t be true! I squinted trying to find the right door I needed to see the files to believe it, I just had to see them for myself room 201 I muttered to myself as I slowly pushed the door open. There were files flung everywhere - obviously from where Andy had gotten angry I bit my lip and nervously walked in I wasn’t even 3 steps in when I saw something that made me sick to my stomach... 3 name all with the same word on it Alice Williams, Jeremy Ferguson, Andrew Biersack... Unfixable... I swallowed carefully leaning down to see how many days left to live we had when a very scary, very angry voice broke my train of thoughts. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE YOUNG LADY!? Do you think it’s wise to be sneaking around here at night!?’ I turned around shaking. “I I I’m I’m sorry I was looking for the bathroom! I’m new and I I don’t know where I I I’m going” I murmured trying not to look the man, who I’d assume was James in the eyes. With a short grumble that was something along the lines of the bathrooms are over here, James grabbed my wrist making me wince as my cuts hadn’t fully healed he dragged me across the hall into another room which I assumed were the bathrooms. Looking around as we entered I immediately knew I was wrong, and with one strong push I went tumbling down the stairs, the last sound I heard was the slow dreadful squeak of the door slowly shutting and being locked before darkness overcame my body.
Notes
Sorry for the slow updates everybody, I'll try to update quicker next time <3 Please leave your comments to tell me how this is going xD <3~Rubi-Tuesday
And she never updates
8/27/15